Saturday, October 30, 2004

QUENTIN TARANTINO!!!

i have had a couple of complaints regardin the above actor(yes from all 2 of u,KK,JM)
and i feel its only fair for me to comment.albeit i'll concede he has made some classic films and has an original style of directing...but as i shall demonstrate your honor that without a reasonable doubt he does not qualify to be guilty of bein in the nicholasgichu list of fame

1.would u go to the store and have a moral dilemma between which to buy..."oh my what am i gonna buy pulp fiction or...anything else....."
2.i know oscars are not a yardstick for comparison but besides pulp fiction which really was crap....
3.his movies do they gross over 100mill..ok besides kill bill which is my best tarantino
4. honestly for cryin out besides resorvoir dogs.kill bill,jackie brown,pulp fiction.....he's more of a screen-writer and actor than director.
5.with all the great movies out there surely does tarantino feature

to my KK

oh yes ur my only true fun who has posted in my shizzle and hence in ur honor thou shall get ur own posting!!!!
u really are a true pal.after 11years it only gets better and sweeter.painful but better.
keep em posting.keep em sms. keep em emails. and as u would say don't get played get laid!!!!!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

in response to ur comments

M Night Shyamalan: he did wonders in 6th sense and hence infact its on my greatest endings of all time. but think about it Village,Unbreakable,Signs relly wasnt all that. i mean sure they were original-which says more for his writin but the movies were not all that.hence he misses out on my directors list

Quentin Tarantino: Hmmh. now that's a different class of directors and if u like his style kudos. i liked him more in Alias if u ask me as an actor. Now Kill Bill is quite a movie. I'd actually put his movies up there somewhere-in a different genre. Actually u have a point Ms anonymous
Reservoir dogs
pulp fiction
kill bill

he deserves a mention but his movies dont quite do it for me

Saturday, October 23, 2004

....my best of movies ....

MOVIES THIS YEAR
comedies-dodgeball
-50 first dates
-shrek2
drama-troy

-waiting for alexander the great

action-spiderman2

MOVIES WITH BEST ENDINGS

1.usual suspects 1995
2.se7en 1996
3.primal fear 1996
4.sixth sense 1999
5.memento 2001
6.fight club 1999
7.the others

WAR MOVIES:

1.saving private ryan 1998
2.black hawk down 2001
3.platoon
4.thin red line

Gangster Movies:

1:Godfather 1-3
2.Heat
3.GoodFellas



OLD CLEAN COMEDIES:
1. Mrs Doubtfire
2. Naked Gun series
3. National Lampoon's Vacation series
4. Robin Hood:Men in tights
5. Tommy Boy
6. Roxeanne

Cartoons:
1.Finding Nemo
2.Shrek


OLD NAUGHTY COMEDIES:
1.Scary Movie series
2.American Pie 1+2
(3 was a romantic comedy)
3.Road Trip....even euro trip
4.Van Wilder's Vacation
5.something's bout mary
6.meet the parents

Cheap Humor:
1.Deuce Bigalow:Male Gigalo
2.Hot Chick
3.Sorority Boys
4.Zoolander


BEST SPOOFS
1. Scary Movie series
2. Naked Gun Series

BEST SPOOFED PORN TITLES:
1.Glad-he-ate-her
2.Am-a-get-it-on
3.Shavin ryan's privates
4.Forrest Hump
5.Good Will Humpin
6.In Diana Jones
7.Position Impossible 1+2
8.Johnny Deep

BEST ACTORS
1.Al Pacino
2.Brad Pitt
3. Edward Norton
4.Robin Williams
5.Morgan Freeman

Best Actresses
1.Susan sarandon
2.Julia Roberts

Best Producer
1.Jerry Bruckheimer

Best Director
1. Steven Spielberg
2. Michael Mann
3. Oliver Stone
4. Scott Rudin
5. Francis Ford Coppola

THE FIRST TIME!!!!!

sick perverts i aint gonna talk bout 'that'

but they are first times am sure you are all familiar with and hey whats walkin down the memory line

1.The fisrt time u liked the girl species. yes that sweet smellin braided annoyin little defenceless creature was actually interesting. u wanted to give her a flower. swap letters wit her-her scented letters were cute!her poems made some sense! in time u waited for her phone calls or u returned hers.u went for walks.held hands.
and yes u remember the first time that girl species turned into..into ...a WOMAN!!! with needs... and demands... and nag this... whine that, bitch and moan ........oh that first time.that transition caught u like a deer caught in the headlights. WHOA!!!! all of a sudden we wasnt man enough!!!!good enough!!! tough enough!!! rich enough!!!! no one warned us about evolution from a cute power puff girl to the devil's minion!

2. on same note as above but the first time u took a girl out and spend YOUR money!!!! need i say more. my cash!!!!

3.first time a girl took/ripped/tore/broke/hurt/stepped on your heart!that first heart break. actually the exact action is quite understated. cause there was definite toying of emotins! there were mind games! unreplied sms' unreplied calls...emails...cancelled dates. two timing! getting a kid with a 2nd party and marrying a third...could u really have been that blind or stupid? YES!

4.the first time u understood the girl species!!!!yeah right like thats gonna ever happen!!!!!

5. the first time u got hit/kicked/kneed in the pebbles. that mixture of pure emotion.beads of sweat! you could have screamed but the lack of dignity and pride could only afford a gulp! you wanted to cry but all u had was the strength to unleash some stupid wince/grin!!! it doesnt matter if it was a tennis ball/football,or even a marble-that eye-popping,spine shattering pain made u fall to ur knees and eventually to one side. u squeezed em knees together,curled in the foetal position. hugged and held...more like checked and preserved their existence. eventually u got up on ur feet.stood bent at an arc and limped/waddled away slowly;each step with a shallow breath. sensation returned. blood pressure reduced.stopped gnashing your teeth-u could smile again...

6. the first time u were taken and dumped to nursery school.had your name pinned on to your sweater on the left side and a hanky pinned onto your sweater on the right side.

i've had the priveledge of changing schools so i have had that experience5 times and with alevels can i say6.am talkin bout bein the new kid in an already established class-whoa!its different when u all show up new..but when ur the new fat kid on the block its different.
so u start makin new friends-dying for acceptance.such trauma!!! astually ur dying not to get dissed lets be honest.

7.first time u got into a fight. yeah what a feeling!!!! what a high!!!! u got ur hands dirty.landed a few kicks and punches courtesy of watchin the karate kid. of course u lost the fight!!! but who cares u fought/spat back! u may have had ur shorts ripped/or slightly pulled such that your crack was exposed-who said the extra ventialtion was bad for ur ass!! you may have shed tears-was it the humiliation,dust in your eyes,kids laughing,or that u got bitch slapped and your comic book ripped in two?????? but kids looked at u in a whole new light! u got ur respect! yeah baby!

8.first time u watched a porn!

9.first time u realised that the sizes of those organs on the porn were real and not some camera trick!!! and u consoled yourself that you was just young and in time....well damn it am 25 and no longer young?........sons of gifted bitches!!!!!!or is it gifted sons of bitches!!!!!

10.the first time you realised that by golly u could be evil. yeah all those pranks u could pull and get away with this cause u looked like a cross between an angel and infant. even with a reasonable doubt that jury the only thing the jury would find you guilty of is not being their child!!!!!

11.the first time u thought u wanted to be a priest...then pilot...rally driver...he-man...hollywood actor...radio presenter...

12.first time u realised hey am not just unphotogenic am plain ol' ugly!!!!

13. the first time u realised that wait a minute this whole article may not be as funny as u thought and wait a minute no one could be readin it.... ha ha ha.


ok got to head of but i will have new things posted here soon!!!!



...my own soap...

ladies and gentlemen i have decided to create my own tv soap.and am not talkin bout bold,restless days of our lives.am talkin bout a hot prog that will rival melrose and beverly hill90210.damn remember such progs dallas,knots landing....well here comes a nick productshizzle up in this biznich.

reasons:-
1.have u seen the crap the shown on ktn and nation under the guise of kenyan soaps. SHIT!!!! for starters who needs shit in swa-gone are the days of tushauriane and vitimbi we need upto date stuff that wiil make u bubble.
as in where do these guys get off with one-three worded lines????

1st person "umeamka?"
2nd person "eh ndio!"
1st person "ulilala lini?"
2nd person "jana mapema!"
3rd person "eh nyote mmeamka?"........ join as next week where we'll see why they woke up early......

fuck fuck fuck.

as a former play-star-not playboy!!!though with my tight undies u maybe confused! as a former school-play star i know as an actor short lines are crap!!!as a tv watcher i know short lines are crap!
as a reader i know ..... u see u can have a bad actor but he/she'll get away with it cause of good writing!now put a kenyan actor and a bad script=kenyan progs!!!!!!!!!!!!

2.if there's anyone who's watched more movies and tv than i have please feel free to raise your hand... so i can say i am a self proclaimed master of this topic.and who better to come up with one....

3.i gather get characters and give each of them a character and mix and voila...u have got a soap. now add the nick humor and sense of freakiness and darkness and u have a hit!! now add his so-called directorial/writing gifts(so far all been practiced in his head) and u have a kisima award winnin/chaguo la teeniez award winning....if only i could say emmy award winnin show!!!!!

4.so. so far i have 4households.not necessarily neighbours. rough sketch of first few 2episodes. the rest in the rest in the works

HOUSEHOLD 1
a)-mother who's getting her groove back and not with her husband
-father who's just got himself retrenched and wants to move back to shags
-1st fraternal twin:a loser! calls himself a poet/actor/musician.quit uni to find hinself.was a previous A student lots of potential....
-2nd fraternal twin: goin out with the bicth in the 4th household.
currently in uni.ur typical kawa kenyan. best friends with dude 2 from 2nd household.(or are they just pals?!)
-last born bro(under18):just been busted doin the nasty with girl from household 4

HOUSEHOLD 2

3male cousins moving in together:all not in uni!

cousin 1- his chick either is pregnant or has AIDS! which is better? so far his video library has been rakin in lots of dough-until i stated writin this prog(ha).
cousin 2- some weirdo doin drugs.'best pals' with fraternal twin 2. jobless.possible fag?
cousin 3-fratenal twin 1-the loser known as the artist!!! an underachiever who had set high standards previously.

HOUSEHOLD 3
3girl friends moving in together.all in uni.

chick1: dating cousin 1.she's ur proverbial slut!!!!!(could suck a golf ball thru a 10m garden hose in one breath!) smart slutty and sexy....no wonder she either has HIV/Pregnantand yes cunniving devious-u have got to love her.best friends with bitch from household 4
.
chick 2: everythin is just not workin for her.she's ur equivalent female loser. however cousin3/twin2 is the underachiever chick 2 is ur overachiever but shit aint gooin well

chick 3: ur sweet girl.she's the happy go lucky!!! naive! innocent! just got engaged to bro in household 4! her birthday is comin up she has all the luck in her world or so she thinks

HOUSEHOLD 4
Very Rich Family

Mum- no storyline as yet
Dad- No storyline as yet...and u know what happens to people with no storylines...kill em-does wonders for emotional scenes.

1st Born-engaged to chick 3. but all the time been sleepin with chick 1. HIV? Pregnancy could be as a resul of his rich seed!! him and twin 1 are buddies.
2nd Born-A BITCH OF A BITCH! yes we shall redefine bitch with this character. ms high and might of the finest wine,expensive dinners no wonder she is single. should we make her a lesbian?though she has an on off reltaionship wit twin2. best friends with chick 1.
3rd born-under 18 girl caught doin the nasty with boy in household 1.
househelp- the comedian. the one who took the bitches thorn and flower! ha ha ha.in her unbitchy days.


and that just on the surface i want complex characters and the only way to go about it is to get other contributing writers.

so wish me luck!!!! oh and if any of the characters sound too familiar to home in future-yes they have been modeled after you.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

...you wouldnt believe....

1.bought me a pair of undies the other day. Not gonna mention the street. but i made sure there were no hidden cameras,photographers, or any of you buying similar undies at the same time.
now the bloody things were nice 100%cotton.nice manly colors -soot black,royal blue,ashy beige(whats with the adjectives?!?!)
the gifted/persistant...actually eventually successful sales person convinced me that the item of clothing would hold my balls well!! am just paraphrasing but i decided why not-lets buy the damn things.

so i did!!!

Bloody things were a tad bit small!!!! a tad tight too!!! and i decided freak it am wearing them no way i was losing a good 50bob just because my cargo happens to be ...

so i wear them and everything is nice and compact! so much for the boxer-feel/hung free slogan.
i had an extra spring in my bounce-or was it the other way round!!!!
Peeing was out of the question! So was the whole 21gun salute! Movement was restricted south of the border.Gaseous exchange was contained.Legs were getting pretty numb! sheepish grins were being unleshed! climbing stairs was now an art.

now my problem is-that was monday today is saturday-HOW THE FUCK DO I GET THEM OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why i started working out...

yes one nicholas gichu has started doing exercices.
1. yes i am joggin!!!! last time i broke into a jog some mini bus had just backfired.
2.its not fair for girls just to rely on my rugged good looks(working on that dimpled chin also) wicked sense of humor and killer smile...
3.it makes it more heathier to sit by the telly all day and night long after u have done some work out-so ooooops there goes that couch potato conscience.
4.as much as i hate admitting that pain when u cant barely move ur arms/ walk/ is damn right yummy!!! PAIN rocks!!! yes girlies crcak out those whips, and talon like nails and lets get freaky!!!!
5.sweating after a small walk in the kenyan sun is no longer a turn on-so i need another way to catch em dates.i am telling u the way its been hot in nbi-that sweat mechanism needs to be controlled somehow. u break into a sweat just by thinkin about it-so i gather sweat it all out in a work out and hey no more extra sweat. ur body is either in pain or just plain tired to sweat. so hello to dry t-shirts and briefs!!!

movie reviews

i had the privelege of watchin village this week and king arthur...so where do i start

1.VILLAGE review-nice plot but so do all other tv movies. hey it was a good idea to think of a whole community established by falsehood. Like the 'armish' who keep to themselves to avoid outside danger...everyone in the village believes that they are restricted to that environment in some farce created by the village elders.

it gets 3stars ***

not m night shymalan's best-he sure hasnt made my blood boil since 6th sense. not in signs not in that other one with bruce willis and samuel l jackson.

2.KING ARTHUR.
HMMMH!!!!! before i give a totally biased review-i must admit that i love ALL JERRY BRUCKHEIMER movies. yes he is but aproducer but look at the movies he darn produced.
Pirates of the carribean
Pearl Harbour
Armageddon
Bad Boys
Con Air
Rock
Remember the titans.... to name but a few....

his movies have more testosterone than jamhuri high school students (alumni included).
the action is just off the hook.dazzling special effects that have the very obvious Bruckheimer signature.
many would argue its michael bays signature...but hey get ur own review website!!!!

.....anyway back to king arthur....

it was ok(i have never called a bruckheimer movie just ok since bad company). i mean his reputation preceeds him....all his movies have opened at number one in the boxofice and all gross over 100 million. he has launched actors careers including Eddie Murphy,Nick Cage, Josh Hartnett, Tom Cruise, Denzell Washington, Will Smith....

....bak to king athur-it was a good epic. Too bad it came after troy and before alexander the great. Damn it it lacked the MMMMMPPPPPHHHHH i was lookin for. Keira Nightley (pirates and love actually) looked good/hot-she can be my guinevere anytime after she gets herself a bossom!!!!!!

Mr king arthur himself didnt deliver and God help us all if he becomes the next bond007!!!!!

Anthony Fuqua-is totally to blame for not being able to hold his own in this movie

Verdict-3stars. A must see-so that u can always participate in discussions regarding Bruckheimer movies

Friday, October 15, 2004

what hurts the most?

well when u dish out ur website to your so called friends-yes thats you!!!and when u log on afetr a while u find no freakin posted comments.

hey it is a big deal tryin to pull thsii thru so all the support will go appreciated.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

hi everyone.

i guess this is new for me and am so clueless on how to go about doin this but slowly and surely we shall work out this shizzle and before soon will be crackin u up soon.

....of movies and tv....

so my dream is to make this an ultimate tv and movie website where we can critique them raw and nasty.why not its free fun!
at the moment am going thru this phase of watchin any tv series on dvd! Have gone thru Oz,Sopranos,CSI,24,Alias,Frasier,Six Feet under,Will and Grace,Roswell,Smallville.....

yes too much time on my hands. yes no life whatsoever...but guess what? your're hear readin this-ur just a big loser as i am.
so guys lets make this website rock!!!!!!!!

ok?!

so its not as hard as pluckin out upper premolars and i would know about that. question is once u log on will u ever log on again?!?
you know am the knig of cheap-i aint paying you to read this.NOT ONE CENT!!!! but am gonna BEG!!!! PUH-LEASE PUH-LEASE PUH-LEASE come back