Saturday, April 16, 2005

KBW-HELP NEEDED, URGENTLY

My name is BOB and have been sent here by a patient under my care to ask for help. Nicholas Gichu has been institutionlaised at a mental facility here at home with a diagnosis of Schizophrenia and urgently needs your help.

It first started wit acute depression. All of a sudden his internet explorer could not open up neither was his yahoo messenger...all other functions on the comp were just fine- except -the most important ones...to top it all, he had received the latest episodes of 24,Desparate Housewives,Alias,Lost,Six Feet Under,West wing, and the season finale of Friends-needless to say, it was all down hill, this chubby brother was goin down.

So, early on Monday morning he was found curled up in a ball, in his bed,sucking his thumb, muttering incoherent sounds. His bedsheets were on the floor and his baby-blue pyjamas were drenched in sweat. He was quickly rushed to hospital and admitted in the psychiatric ward for observation.

He seemed to be doing fine, so his notes say. Until his examination with the Shrink ruled otherwise. Apparenlty he was delusional living in some form of world-called Blog land...a.k.a Blogspere...a.k.a Blogworld(You see my point)

Right now, he is heavily sedated and in a strait jacket. Lord knows when he'll be free again. However, being the kind orderly I am, I have done him a favor(and pocketted his change) and posted this on his behalf.

The problem is that, for him to be released the blogsphere must come out and reveal themselves....the basis of his sanity lies in the fact that you all exist.

What exactly is the problem???? Well let me type the taped conversation of his evaluation as per last afternoon's session...

Dr: So you say that you are a member of a blogsphere, right?
Nick: Right!
Dr: what is it exactly?
Nick: Its a world on the internet that exists,where u meet many friends and form solid relationships with them....
Dr: Hmmmm? Have you met any of them?
Nick: Nope...oh only one... and there is another one who sends me latest episodes of programmes.
Dr: Mmm hmmm. Does he have a name?
Nick: Patron Saint!
Dr: Patron saint?
Nick: Yes, i can't reveal his name or he'll kill me!!!... or worse not send me the remainin episodes!
Dr: Kill you? Yet you have never met?
Nick: Uh huh!
Dr: Ok...we'll talk about that later...and the others where are they?
Nick: Some in Kenya, others in U.S, U.K all over the world...
Dr: Do you know their names?
Nick: uh there is Magaidi, Wituu, Githush, Kashata...there are over 20
Dr: Uh , real names...how about the others
Nick: Mshairi, and Nyaks my aunties...
Dr: oh family members? How are you related?
Nick: We're not but,they have adopted me and i them!
Dr: Mhhhm....and what are there names?
Nick: Auntie Mshairi and Auntie Nyaks
Dr: Hmmmm
Nick: then there is Thinkersroom,Nairobi back in the day, Virtual insanity, scentiments, guessaurus...
Dr:...Sorry to interrupt..what are u talkin about?
Nick: thess are real people with real names!
Dr: Thinkersroom is that a name?
Nick: Yes.... there is even kenyan pundit, afromusing, 4sheezy, Godfather, Torments...oh and Kymmbr
Dr: Kymmmbrrrrr.....whats that?
Nick: Its a real name, rhymes with elbow. it's true
Dr: And, do you even know what this Kymmbr looks like?
Nick: Yes... upside down!
Dr: Upside down?
Nick: Uh huh!
Dr: oh....ok.....Do you know how anyone else even looks like?
Nick: Well there is Ms K...who i went to primary school with her. If only she'd reveal herself to me i would tell you i know how she looks like
Dr: Have you asked her to reveal her name?
Nick: I have..but she's refused to tell me.
Dr:Why would she refuse?
Nick: i guess its better for her to remain as Ms K or at times Pretty in Pink! But she posts as Lisa Simpson the cartoon!
Dr: Cartoon?
Nick: Oh yes, even Thinkersroom is Jerry in 'Tom and Jerry'. Medussa is that character from' 'Flash Gordon', Scentiments a fist, Sonny is a car....a really nice car...
Dr:Okaay.... just a quick summary. You know many people in this...uh...blogland...and u.... communicate... and u don't even know their names or how they look like.
Nick: True!
Dr:So what do u talk about
Nick: With nairobi back in the day we reminisce on good old times....and compete who remembers the most about their childhoods and past
Dr: You mean dwell in the past or re-live your childhoods?
Nick: Right!
Dr: is everyone happy in this blogland?
Nick: Pretty much!...oh...except recently i launched war on Mama Junkyard...and another moron called Daud...though he doesnt belong in our world but loves to visit.
Dr: War? (mumbling to himself as he scribbles 'mama junkyard')
Nick: oh yes even Magaidi he was an alter boy you know...and Kymmbr were the refs
Dr: is the war over?
Nick: oh, yeah i kicked ass!!!
.......

Dr: Ok. I guess our time is up....i will have to go over your session....we'll see you tomorrow same time but we shall delve deeper into what we have discussed today. I, will however increase the dosage of your sedatives and antidepressants. Am sure within a month or two we will make some progress. But we shall take each day as it comes. Take our time apart to reflect on what we have discussed today....
Nick: but doctor....i am not making this up. All these people exist out there..i may not know how they look like or what there first names are but ...trust me they are my friends.....(gettin hysterical)
Dr:Nurse!!!!(yelling) Nuuuurssse!!!!!
Nick:Its true Damn it...even the war!!!
Dr: Which you apparently won?(scoffs) Nurse!!!!!Strap this patient and get him outta here


So as you can see y'all need to rise up and save this poor soul. So if you could kindly send atleast your first name... pictures may come later ...but lets prove that you exist.

for any enqueries call 1-800-savenick


23 Comments:

Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

I am so happy you are back!!! You can call me anything you like...(you do anyway!)

4/16/2005 9:23 PM  
Blogger KymmBr. said...

kwani yu dude yu just dissapear like yu weren't even there in the first place...nini wewe? oooh!! okay....yu hooked up with some bout of diarrhoea..or did the doc say yu suffering from epileptic fits? why was that nurse called so fast.?

lakini seriously, us guys need to help yu out. our names? crap...holy cow! KymmBr. call me Elbow Kymm...Or WORSE STILL..Kimboh.doesnt matter....am still gonna do yu'r head in when i see you.and yu kno how i look like....inverted(head where my feet are supposed to be and feet in the same position ..of my head) DAMMNIT! am i a scarecrow?

....me want war! me want war! me want war! ref amekosa kazi....lets get back to the ring.....

4/16/2005 10:00 PM  
Anonymous Daud said...

Aarrgh!!!!! What is this now?!!! I thought you were gone kabisa! I was just starting to enjoy life.

Eti you kicked ass during the beat down( 'war' as you call it)??. I think that doctor needs to up your daily dosage of Prozac.

Daud El Rude(Where the chicken at!!!)

4/17/2005 3:04 AM  
Anonymous Mshairi said...

First name - Aphrodite, middle name - Aurelia.

4/17/2005 5:31 AM  
Blogger s! said...

you bitch! say my name NOW, and don't you ever f*#kin' forget it!!

4/17/2005 5:54 AM  
Blogger M said...

Pay no attention to them bana! I know am sane because EVERYONE tells me i'm not paranoid!

4/17/2005 1:31 PM  
Anonymous Memoire said...

Nick you've got to be Kenya's next Tarantino with those script manouvres big time props to you.

Sasa hiyo diagnosis iko flawed, mwambiye arudiye masomo ya DSManual kwa jili the symptoms don't meet the necessary criteria for schizophrenia [hope this helps, Nick ;-) you're a free man now !!]

4/17/2005 5:30 PM  
Blogger kashata said...

Werocomu back Nicko!.i'm with memoire on this one-flawed diagnosis!
Nick"you can call me Big Daddy and scream my name"!-if you figure out where i got that from, and i will send you full names and pics of myself other bloggers!

4/18/2005 6:15 AM  
Blogger Kenyan Pundit said...

Do I recall you saying you went to Conso for primo? If so, then I'm a fellow ex-school mate.

4/18/2005 6:25 AM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

hmmm...just when i get started reading ur blog, u up and have an "emotional breakdown"....not fair!!!anyway, since ur back, was it u who made a comment somewhere about life not being black and white, but its the different shades of greys in between?...if u are,....ur my hero!!!!

4/18/2005 12:04 PM  
Blogger nick said...

@kashata:didnt i say that to you once??
@pundit:ok another ex school mate this world is just too small, can i ask which year u cleared?
@crys/kipepeo: damn i actually sadi somethin that made sense...
@memoire:ebu tell them i aint insane...right?

4/18/2005 3:50 PM  
Blogger Kenyan Pundit said...

1990, I was your ka-head girl. I don't know what Giordano was smoking when that happened and as he admitted later when panoing me for playing cards with the headboy and others instead of heading back to class after guys had come back from mass...neither did he.

4/18/2005 4:40 PM  
Blogger Magaidi said...

Aaah...weh Nick, you know I had my people scouring through the logs at the institution. Isn't this like your third visit there?

I'll send my pics and real names e.t.c when you confirm this. Good to see you back kid!

4/18/2005 4:42 PM  
Blogger nick said...

@mshairi:i cant wait to go check out the school mag
@magaidi:hush now!!!!!

4/18/2005 5:49 PM  
Blogger s! said...

ok jamaa.. now i protest, not only did you not mention me in the blog, u refuse to respone to my comment!! kwenda!! mi sirudi.. things are too elephant hapa.

4/18/2005 8:17 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

Sasa seetie, don't listen to Saurabh and El Rude. They're just jealous cos the voices are talking to you!!!

By the way, WE NEED TO TALK!!!! Seriously! Holla at me!

4/19/2005 5:29 PM  
Blogger Afromusing said...

Karibu back, memoire suggested a meetup in one of the comments on MJY's blog...Meanwhile, page Dr.Sanjay Gupta!

4/20/2005 7:14 AM  
Blogger Afromusing said...

Feed tafadhali?

4/20/2005 7:15 AM  
Blogger Guessaurus said...

I've been slacking a bit but men, this is great - you had me in a gigglefest.

Seriously, you need to see someone. That German dude they named Pope might be able to intervene on your behalf to a higher deity.

PS: What were you auditioning for again; Pets (sorry, Pecs) of the year?

4/20/2005 4:30 PM  
Blogger Afromusing said...

oops, nimeona feed..disregard (iam somewhat blind)

4/21/2005 7:15 AM  
Blogger LifeMoments said...

I recommend a dosage of fanta with kenchic chicken.....it will do wonders

4/21/2005 3:42 PM  
Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

Nime rudi...dude can I just say you are neither bad nor nice...just lazy! When did you last update this blog? eh?..how can you blog ati once a fortnight?

4/23/2005 2:27 PM  
Blogger Sam Oendo said...

A really, really, really nice car...

5/07/2005 12:32 AM  

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