Sunday, December 26, 2004

Food Poisoning

its a glorious boxing day a.k.a St stephen's day and i sit here cringin wingin in post-food poisoning phase. Whoa!!! yeah BABY!!!! nothin like a good dose of food poisonin to totally reduce you to your knees like the scum that u r!!!

am not talkin bout vomiting or bouty me all the contents of the misery are outside my body. or rather were passed like a burst City council pipe-with the urgency and speed of a bullet!!!! spray painted across the toilet bowl like some form of innovative abstract art!!! And with such sudden relief you could have thought it was some form of exorcism!

However, as empty as my intestines are- the toxins/irritants are still there. spasmic contractions rule! yaani, u can practically feel ur intestines cramp, do cartwheels....tie and untie fancy boy-scout knots.... stretch and contract at the same time!!!Futile attempts have been made to pass non existent debris...and so i sit here with a silly smirk on my face as i endure pure agony. tiny bombs are immploding within!!!! the entire tummy tender to the touch. radiating pain-for a moment ur not sure if it is back pain, appendicitis.... the plickety-plockety plumbing sounds(splash!) and visible peristaltic motions not withstanding-i will live to see another day.

but am a strong guy!~!


Blogger your better half said...

boy, you darn right!!
1) mistake number one, if you decide to delay the inevitable, maybe you're in tao and decide you'll diayo when you get diggz. Believe me hell hath no fury like daiyo delayed...first you can't even sneeze lest it chucks when you are in the mat! God forbid that someone makes a joke and you cheka...mmh mmmh mmmh

2) ok, you finally sit on the loo...diayo has never been known to be quiet and whoever built choos didn't think they should be sound proof. when you are done, you look in the bowl and you want to disown yourself. you flush and diayo part two wants to kuja and si you know cisterns of kenya dont fill immedietely. so you are in the choo waiting for maji to jaa, assuming you even have maji in the first place

3) still waters run have diayoed mpaka you think you have diayoed all your pancreatic fluid, yaani you can swear the last fluid you diayoed was from your salivary glands and tear ducts .you are Dehydrated you are DRY!!!! You decide things are now sawa and eat a small snack
Lord God!!! Daiyo revolution; diayo reloaded; return of the diayo; diayo the avenger; diayo part two

now you are even diayoing the oil in your scalp

worst part is, after all that...YOU STILL DON'T LOSE WEIGHT!!! Life's a bitch!!!!

1/14/2005 9:40 PM  

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