Monday, January 03, 2005

A-MAIZE-ING DROPS

Restaurant set up. A well dressed lady seated opposite a gentleman. They have just had on of those lunches where, they devoured their food while working. Each engrossed with their own paper work. They hurriedly scribble over short notes across each of there pages as if making last minute corrections. Each with stacks of papers they shuffle through, occasionally asking each other for confirmation on certain figures….His name is Jack, hers is Emma. So far no conversation s have been exchanged. Time is not just a weekly publication in this case. They have deadlines, time is of the essence.

Emma, quite agitated about her paperwork stares into space, stares at nearby customers, then fixes her gaze at Jack. Coincidentally, Jack is already staring at her. Suddenly she notices some slight fluid dangling from Jack’s nose. She debates whether to inform him, but hesitates, as it is, he was also scrutinising her like she had something dangling from her own nose. She passes a smile, and very artfully passes her hand over her nares. Nothing. She rests assured that nothing that embarrassing was on her nose. With that action she hopes Jack gets the drift and would, hopefully, handkerchief in hand do justice to himself.

But this is not the case. He continues working. She is speechless. Jack, on the other hand is considering telling Emma of the husk of maize embedded in between her upper front tooth and gum. He looks over at her, finds her looking at him. Instinctively, he smiles at her, she hesitates, and finally smiles back. Revealing all.

Each unaware of each others social misnomers. Each too polite to warn each other….. They each stare at each other and smile….

Some conversation occurs in their minds…the rest in real time and space...

Jack: Oh my God, is that a whole husk or just a piece…for crying out loud I can barely see the tooth.
Emma: Oh my God, is he like gonna wipe it!!! Or should I point suddenly at the someone hoping that he abruptly turns his head…and with that swift motion the liquid would fly off at a tangent and land unfortunately on some unsuspecting stranger (but at least a stranger with a dry nose) Here goes nothing…

Emma: Hey Jack look!!!!
(And just as she anticipated, he rapidly turns his head)
Jack: What?
Emma: Oh nothing!Thought I saw Christine. It’s Ok, lets just finish our work.

Emma: Great not only did the plan not work but now the drop is heavier. So much for the law of gravity! Physics was not my strong subject
Jack: She thought she saw Christine?!?! I was hoping it was a mirror she saw. Isn’t that husk cutting her lip?
Emma: isn’t he feeling ticklish?
Jack: isn’t she feeling ticklish?
Emma: oh great, its oscillating with his breathing. Oh gosh! I can’t help smiling.
Jack: oh great, she is smiling. I could swear that piece of vegetable has its own source of light. Is that bean I see as well????
Emma: I could pick some of his papers and flick it.
Jack: I could engage her in a toothpick-sword fight and aim for the tooth. One for all, all for one, God for us all…let me hint to her and pick up my serviette.
Emma: FINALLY!!!! He sees the light or is it feels the moistness???? The weight of the drop????
Jack: I will slowly wipe my lips, display my teeth, then wipe my lips again. Here goes nothing.
Emma: That’s right! Wipe your lips….. then work your way round to the nose…. Ok. …Yes…. Lips wiped. What are you showing me your teeth for?!!! Idiot!! Oh, now you’re wiping again.., there that’s more like it….. aim for the nose. Go higher, north! North! North….wait a minute that’s not north….wait, give it one last shot….soak it up, damn it soak it up!!
Jack: I give up. Subtlelty is not her middle name. Heck if she had a middle name it would be covered up anyway!!! I tried. Or has the husk grown roots? Is it a part of her???
Emma: Now the drop seems to be reaching out to touch the next nostril. Okay, I may be over-exaggerating but this drop could make it in the circus as some star-performing trapeze artist. It is so daring!! Even without a net it just hangs there. Dangling! I think the drop is alive.
Jack: wait a minute didn’t she used to have a gap in between her upper teeth?!! A-maize-ing dentist!!

(they are both exasperated!!!! Each sigh aloud!!!!)

Emma: why is he looking at me like that? Its not like am the one with the drop bungee jumping from my nose. But I have to tell you those bungee cords are as secure as hell.
Jack: Knock knock-there is someone at the lip!!!
Emma: (singing) Nose-drops keep falling from my head…..
Jack: is that husk blending in with its background?
Emma: (still singing)…and drops of Jupiter in his head…hey hey hey….
Jack: she seems lost in her own world. Content with life.
Emma: I Give up what do I tell him?


Jack: Emma, I’ve got to tell u something?
Emma: Yup, what is it? Tired of all these last minute preparations?
Jack: Uh Huh! That too. But its…
Emma: I know, you would think we had done enough preparations..but stuff keeps turning up.
Jack: Yeah! But…
Emma: Just hung on, we’re almost through.
Jack: Ah…Ok! I’ll …I’ll hung on

Jack: Yeah hung on like that piece of vegetable. It’s like the titanic promise ‘i’ll hold on and never let go!’
Emma: (singing) …who let the drop out…who? Who? Who? Who?.
Jack: Is she afraid that by pulling it she might strip out most of her upper gum? How far up is that thing.
Emma: (Singin) Pop goes the weasel….
Jack: Am I totally missing the point or is this like the latest fad after diamond studs. It could be the natural motif look. Very pro-vegetarian! Very cheap too. Perhaps even nutririous with minerals being absorbed by the blood stream at a slow optimum rate!
Emma: I have to tell him something. I mean look at this poor man. So oblivious. So handsome and debonair….NOT!!!!!!!!!
Jack: Hey what kinda guy would let a beauty like this make a fool of herself. She is so cuuuute!!! And that’s with a q and two t’s…


Jack: Hey I have got to tell you something!
Emma: Me too…I am sorry had not said anything…
Jack: (interrupting) no let me go first…
Emma: (determined) No but…
Jack: uh uh me first…(stammers a bit, inhales deeply…)

Emma: Damn it he has inhaled it in after all this time! (singing) he can breath clearly now the drop is gone…
Jack: Here goes nothing!


Jack: you have something stuck in between your front teeth!!! Am sorry shoulda told u sooner!!!!

Emma: Oh no he didn’t!!! God damn it. Damn! Damn! Damn! I am so embarrassed. (she fiddles with a toothpick) Damn is this a husk or a leaf. What am I numb or something, I could wrap a kilo of tobacco in this piece and smoke it for a week!!! Heee Haaaaw!! Never mind. Remain composed! You still have your dignity Emma! And to think I didn’t tell him about his little wet moment. Damn it. We’ve both made asses of ourselves except he has nothing to show and am all here leafy,husky. Look at him pretending not to be disturbed Mr fluid!!
Jack: She seems to be taking this well. Don’t know what I was worried about.


Jack: (laughing) you sure ate that maize with a passion. Are you okay? Are you bleeding?
Emma: Very funny. And you damn well know it was baby corn!
Jack: You know how fast kids grow these days. Close your eyes and they full grown. One minute baby corn the next a full maize plantation!!!

Emma: Son of a… Ng’ombe wewe!!!
Jack: I love the twinkle in her eye. Hey even the sparkle is back on her smile. Guess it wasn’t the new look after all. But at least she looks good as new.
Emma: What a bastard!! Snot nosed, sniffling and dripping fool!!! I should try make him laugh so that the drop which am sure is hibernating up there can come alive!!! It will be the nose-drop returns:episode 2. Am not going down like this, his pride must be bruised, tarnished. He should not have any dignity by the time am through with him. His downfall will be my victory. Yes am evil and I shall destroy him (laughs out loud in a demonic manner)

Jack: We better rush…
Emma: Yes we have. At the rate we’re going there shall be no wedding next month! All these arrangements. Who would have thought pone goes through all of this. So much for me just turning up in white and saying “I,do!”
Jack: Did you say white?
Emma: Don’t go there!!!
Jack: But hope you’re not having second thoughts about us getting married so soon!
Emma: Never
Jack: Cool. Let me go pay the bill while you clear up the papers. Meet you outside right?

Emma: Hmmh!!! The battle is over but the war has just begun. Troy will be mine! Immortality is mine. Vengeance is mine. Oh shut up!! Who am I kidding-I love him to death. Through thick and thin, wet and dry! Him and his bloody allergies!!!!

2 Comments:

Blogger s! said...

jamaa.. just cos there are no rules on copyrights in kenya doesn't mean you can write anything!! this storo has been around since your mama was your age!! :-P

1/03/2005 9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blisterting barnacles!!!Nicko. You are still circulating that 'play'. Nicko. Let me spell it out for you. Give it up!!!I hope you feel motivated to do the right thing.
-Davo

1/08/2005 1:32 PM  

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