Tuesday, March 08, 2005

CIVIL SERVANTS ANONYMOUS

A certain friend of mine works in a certain govt hospital... we shall not use their real name so we shall use mine;after this i challenge u to a quintescencial question...can your workin environment change you for the worse regardless of your principals or morals?

*NB:this may or may not be me!!!*

Nick:Hi my name is Nick and i'm a civil servant!

Group:Hello Nick! Welcome!

Nick: It's been 2 years and i dont think i have been the same since i started.

Group: Mmmmh Hmmmm?! Tell us

Nick: Weeelllll since you asked!


1.i've lost my sensitivity or ability to care.that empathy and sympathy thing-am a cold hearted punk! initially i thought it was heartless..but now i love it!!!...it reaches 12pm and all tha patients have got to get steppin!!!! Honestly..if u really had a toothache-it woulda brought u earlier!!! So no new patients are seen at that time. Reason being,insufficient instruments equivalent to the lack of love!
coming at 12:01 means see you tomorrow very early.

2.Monday mornings are a drag...seein over 60 patients in one go..all in all kinds of pain..nagging...complainin..like they all saved their problems over the weekend and brought me a present early in the mornin!
We've learnt the art of procrastinating or bookin patients for days that you are not present. A little medication buys you time...if you are not in the mood to deal with that particular patients.

3.ok i know some teeth especially lowers have a tendancy of not gettin numb!! ...but lets see how not-numb you really are! instead of having me walk all tha way over there too get more local could u just work wit me...the pain really isnt all that bad....don't let your beads of sweat,increase in breathin rate or the near-faintin-aura fool you. i've done this before-the pain won't kill you!!!!!

4.After all those years of trainin-the MATRON is still the boss of ME!!!
The matron is a bat out of hell.
Patients-trust me don't let her catch you walkin in to the clinic wearing shoes!!!!!
Colleagues-Her bark is as bad as her bite and it don't matter if you're the medical superintendent...provincial officer that is her turf!! And all shall recognise!!!!

No favors get granted without her approval! Even if u know me...i may treat you for free but trust me i will pay for it later. For, when they decide to keep quiet...refuse to assist you...book you crazy 3hr procedures when they know you're leavin or after 12pm....you shall know the wrath of a matron scorned.

5.i've learnt phrases like

-Next!!!
-rudi kesho!!!
-Enda ulipe mia urudi!!!
-Eh kuja kesho!!!
-Hakuna instruments-rudi kesho!!!
-Hakuna dawa-rudi kesho!!!
-lakini ende ununue haya madawa urudi kesho!!!
-Si nimesema urudi kesho!!!
-Usiingie na viatu!!!
-Toa viatu!!!
-Si nimesema utoe viatu??!!!


oh if you're lost... at a certain hospital patients are required to leave their funky smellin shoes outside. what u mean by funky?

picture this-someone removes very tightly tied shoes.revealing woollen socks!!!!!!!!!

6.Am tired of WOOLLEN socks. can u imagine the stench of forty thousand years(thriller copyright) yaani a brother has sweat so hard he's leavin moist footprints on a dusty cement floor. and trust me the vapors emanating from socks obviously re-worn aplenty of times can make u a tad tipsy to say the least! if you're the kind that kinda dangles at the edge of sanity...this will tip u over!

And u wonder why i need help.

7.Halitosis-yes!!! if u want me to fix that fracture that occured as a donkey kicked u in the chin...or husband bitch slapped you to eternity...ur gonna buy you some paste and brush...and some cleanin will be done beofre i enter that mouth

"sasa hiyo mdom yako lazima uiioshe!!!! ukikuja KESHO naiko na hii uchafu..sikufungi na hizo waya utarudi tu hivyo!!! UNASIKIA?"

"sasa nimekufunga na hiyo waya...next week sitaki kuona ati uko na chakula...we ni mtu mzima uoshe kabisa!!!! UNASIKIA?"

trust me u see results!!!! power of a white coat and UNASIKIA?!

8.In short i feel like i have become like all the rest that came before me and will come after me.

am now in the civil service-and there's nothin i can do

-ok daud el blabo thou shall not throw in my workin hours...as i said am a civil servant-damn it.

So for all the patients out there i have tried and tried-but just when i thought i was out they keep pullin me back in(godfather copyright)

i am well beahved with impeccable manners...but if u want to see that please follow me to private practise...where u pay for them manners and courtesy!

Now obviously this sorry ass needs lots of help.

i repeat
- *this may or may not be me*
- *some of the stories may or may not be true...and if they were true..no humans were injured or sustained griveous bodily harm*
- *and people-whats wit the lack of love,and snobbin my meme like that?!?!?!?!*

9 Comments:

Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

Nick...just so you know...I am not snobbing your meme. Just a few things hapa na pale that need sorting out.

3/09/2005 12:18 AM  
Blogger wituu said...

I see the sunny city vibe is rubbing off on you. Guys should link up with a mswaki and they might defer their visits to our very "efficient" civil servants for a while. As for the MJ meme, I already get my daily dose with his storo being breaking news every 15 minutes on every freaking channel, even Discovery!!!! If I blog about it, I will tip over!!!

3/09/2005 12:28 AM  
Anonymous Daud (大卫) said...

Kwenda Huko Nicko!!!! Kwani you thing you work at the Mayo Clinic? Hebu get it together. You are a SERVANT!!! period. Kwanza those 6 hour working days need to be streched out kidogo. You have too much blog time on your hands.
BTW hi Kazi unafanya, is it for free??? No!!?? then serve the wananchi vilivyo.Forko Jembe!!

Tell that Matron to get herself a man and stop being so up tight.

Disclaimer: this post may or may not be directed to Nicko. Although it was posted with the full intention to do him harm.Since it might be or might not have anything to do with Nicko, the author does not take responsiblity for the consequences resulting from the execution of actions advocated in the post above.


大卫 这 粗鲁无礼的(Soma Lebo...in Chinese)

3/09/2005 4:36 AM  
Blogger Kenyan Pundit said...

Si ati ninakuignore, my interest in MJ ended after Thriller so I didn't think I could do justice to the meme.

3/09/2005 5:14 AM  
Blogger LifeMoments said...

Punk this is you!

Its just a kenyan way of rebranding yourself and look the innocent one.

My only sympathy goes to those poor innocent patients who come to you for help but you treat them like a virus.

I think it will be wise if you went for a hormone recharge...it can be the effects of PMS YOU KNOW!

3/09/2005 10:33 AM  
Blogger M said...

One of these days i should "paukua, pakawa" and tell the merry tale of my visit to the NSSF offices

3/09/2005 4:55 PM  
Blogger Mshairi said...

I see the pressure is mounting, young Nick:-)

3/09/2005 11:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nick lve seen my 4mnth old cuzo go thru hell coz of doctors who keep postphoning her treatment at kenyatta.people dont choose to go to public hospitals-thats what most of them can afford.
treat ur patients right-and lm not talking about the ones who can spare afew thousands to come to ur private practise-even those with the smelly feet count.
screw the matron-treat people right even when its only mia moja they're paying,ok!
u were trained to be compassionate-do that.have a heart.
I KNOW THIS ARTICLE U WROTE WAS IN REF TO URSELF-cant believe u tell ur patients that!damn.
lieura.

3/10/2005 11:56 AM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

i will never look at civil servants the same again. thanks for shedding some light on that. but you could try...maybe notice the nice shirt they're wearing...???just a thought...ok, maybe not...ok, i think i'll just shut up now.

3/19/2005 9:50 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home