Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Where do WE go from here?

No, this has nothing to do with the BLOG WARS or Deborah Cox's trite song (... who am i kidding i loved that song...why's my heart filled wit so much fear.....) ok, enough with the digression.

So,where was I? Oh yes...have u ever reached a point in life and you're like "now what?" or "is this it?"

I've been travelling on the proverbial life-road for a very long time. Have passed many forks, took wrong turns, u-turns, circled many roundabouts, had a few accidents...however, right now am on a desserted straight road stretchin out into the yonder. I don't seem to be approachin a town or anything, don't seem to see any car on my lane or on the opposite lane...am travelling alone and nothing is on the horizon...

Life as we speak is mundane. The monotony of it all is gettin on my last nerve. Am not talkin about a boring life...am talkin about lack of new challenges...new changes...

Yes, we all make our destiny. We make our dreams come true,but after that? What's next? I've been like this for the past one year living each day as it comes. And now nothin excites me any more. Am getting more pessimistic by the day. I could be getting depressed as we speak, but this is more than an ailment its becoming the norm, my daily existence. For some reason, i've realised i may not be as happy as i think i should. The uncertainty of the the future is not something am used to...I like knowing where am headed to...but reality has taught me you WILL never know! And that realisation that you have no control regardless of what you previously thought hurts. When it dawns on you that there are so many factors out there, hurts even more.

My cousin is getting all psyched up about joining campus in the next 2 weeks and unconsciously i've been dampening his spirits. He has high hopes of what what he'll achieve after uni-and i've been serving him a hot plate of reality. Am i being cruel or being realistic? Should i let him dream and let him get disappointed later? Cause the truth is, we never know where we are headed to...and hence will never have true peace or happiness for that matter.

So, I sit here pondering what's my next big thing? Where am I going from here? If I am content with where I am? With who I am? Am I happy, and if not why not?

To quote another song "Do u know, where you're going to, do you like the things that life is showing you? What are you going through? Do you know?" Quite frankly Mariah(her version is better) I am clueless! Ignorant!!!

Viscious cycle-depressed cause i don't know, Don't know cause am depressed...

So i shall live each day as best as i can. Sleep, eat and be merry,cause tomorrow, i shall wake up, to eat, sleep and be merry!

....do i see an on coming car up ahead? Is that a sign indicating a town comin up ahead? I don't know, i'll just keep on driving....


Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...


I may not know what you are going through but I can relate to this entry.

I spent most of 2003 in that same position. I had finished all my masomo and was just doing pointless 9-5.

While on one hand I was comfortable - i.e bills paid, food on table etc etc I knew I was not happy. I knew that if I didn't get pro-active I could end up doing this same middle of the road stuff for a long time.

That's when I started thinking about volunteering. I had no idea what I wanted to do; or where I wanted to go. All I knew was that I wanted a more challenging situation.

My work colleagues could not believe that I was quitting work to go abroad and work for NO MONEY. But from the day I made up mind as Lionel Richie sang "life had new meaning"

I am not suggesting you do something as drastic as that.

To be honest I don't even know what I am suggesting. All I can say is I feel you 100% on this and the very fact that you are thinking about your life in this way means that you are on the right track.

If you are willing to consider volunteering..let me know..I may even let you join me in Belize :)

Whatever you decide..I wish you all the best.

Pole for leaving such a long comment

4/06/2005 1:11 AM  
Anonymous GL1 said...

somtimes life huwa hivyo it seems to be going so well then bang something happens and you feel like you have just been dropped off in the middle of nowhere and any direction you look there is bila hope of getting out of there. so u ask yourself do i stand right here and die? nooooo you have to try save urself and start walking towards what seems like nothing. try and do something different...will be praying for you

4/06/2005 1:25 AM  
Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

I know that no matter else I have written...one line is bugging you sana.

So here:

"Suddenly" was sung by Billy Ocean.

(I am sure Lionel has done a version)

4/06/2005 12:45 PM  
Blogger Guessaurus said...

Nicholas - I suppose life is different things to different people. You might find some people admire you and would wanna be you, whereas you feel trapped with the things going on around you.

As MJY said, you should probably step out of you life (figuratively and literally) and look at it with fresh eyes.

Or spend time with people who are less fortunate than you to appreciate your life.

Or, when I have moments like that, I tell myself to get my head outta my arse and get a life - but that is the drastic solution here, and not recommended to people who are not suffering the head in your ... you get my drift :)

4/06/2005 3:45 PM  
Anonymous Mshairi said...

I glad to see G here as she has also been doing the going-round-in-circles thing:-)I hope this does not sound patronising (or is it matronising:-), however, you need to get a little older, nephew before you can say you are bored with your life. You still have so much to see and do. If you feel you are in a rut: do one thing (just one) that has always scared you.

4/06/2005 9:16 PM  
Anonymous Daud said...

Hebu pick up that chin of the ground.Kuna Nini.Life starts at 40.Relax.

Daud El Rude(Life coach dude)

4/06/2005 10:12 PM  
Anonymous Daud said...

@ Geussaurus
I got to your latest blog via Nicholas Gichus Blog(So Nicko is good for something) I read the whole thing(I must have nothing do). No actually, that was a really nice story telling. I like the way you flashbacked and interjected random thoughts and.......well you get it, you told it really well.
Pity anyone had to go through that. But as they say, Karma is a bitch.
(I couldn't comment on your blog so I hope nicko does not mind me borrowing some real estate)

Daud el Rude(The web watchie)

4/06/2005 10:14 PM  
Blogger KymmBr. said...

.weeeh!! ni nini sasa umeanza hizo story za life is lacking meaning? i thot yu had more metal in your system than anyone else..
okay, this aint supposed to be a retribution..but lemmi see if i can boost some morale into your dying one.
..so yu are in a car, travelling to a place yu donn know, no other sign of life yu can spot....just think...what if your car died, like the gas just did a backflip or the engine stalled? am telling yu yu will be one dead sucker b4 yu know it. so just hold yu'r shit together, drive on and know the world is round..so yu must get smwhere.
it takes time for things to start happening...and happen they will. the funny thing is that once they start happening, yu will hate it real bad. ni ukweli....life starts at 40 and yeah that town yu feel like yu are approaching is just a mirage...put some more gas at the next stop coz there is a party going on in the last town of yu'r drive.

4/06/2005 11:45 PM  
Anonymous GL1 said...

actually call me

4/07/2005 12:37 AM  
Anonymous Memoire said...

Be strong, Nick, and keep striving towards your dreams; you're never too young to evaluate your life.

4/07/2005 3:07 PM  
Blogger Guessaurus said...

@Nick - I am no better than Daud, I am leaving him comments on your blog :)

Thanks Daud for your comment. I had more than one person (actually Nick and MJY ask me to look at it, but I had already seen it by then.

@Nicholas, tell him, real estate is not free, he gotta do somethin NICE for you in return :)

4/08/2005 12:58 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

wow,honestly,id rather be u than me, one round about melting into a u-turn, there's no clue of anything borderline straight for me, so enjoy the break, something bigger will come up, it always does!

4/10/2005 3:59 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

Sweetie, lets get together over some black forest cake and get high on calories ama!! I promise to give you atleast two new meanings to life!!

Seriously though, chin up. Things will get better! H-U-G!!

4/12/2005 4:52 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Nick, Nick, NICK!!! Come back please!!!

4/16/2005 1:32 AM  
Blogger felixhotlix said...

how come no one talks of looking above?

1/09/2007 6:33 PM  

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