Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Sleep and...

This is one thing we all happen to share in common-the love for sleep! As we grow older we cherish it more and it turns into a treasured forbidden pleasure. On Monday, my usual company (a.k.a where i go for dinner on Monday's-bless you Ruth and Kui. NB kui has this cute 7month old with edible cheeks.) had gone for a trip to Dar, so I was left to my own devices...and from early on in the day I had already started planning how I was gonna sleep early. Hey, Nyeri was cold, drizzling in the afternoon I was all set to go. It then hit me there are so many aspects in sleep and atlast a blog-post was inspired.

1. ritual.
Tuck mosquito net in- its so soothing hearing a mosquito trying to get to you and you know damn well there ain't no chance in hell they will reach you.

Enter a pair of clean cold blue sheets in my clean t-shirt and blue pj bottom. I like my sheets cold, so that i can wriggle myself and toes in them till they get warm. Note clean is used relatively-sometimes your sheets are reeking from that pyjama/body odour smell... or a littlle drool stain... sometimes the househelp didnt quite aerate the sheets so you still have that powerfoam smell goin on...However that entire nasal phenomenal(just like your own towel) makes you all the more at home

I usually start sleeping on my left side then after a few minutes sleep on my right-all covered up to the neck-my poor head is the only thing that remains exposed am sure with a lot of cajoling from the rest of the body!

2. ... a new bed.
Be it a hotel, at relatives or friends place. The act of adjusting to a mattress that doesnt embrace your physique-your curve and sinew, or new funny detergent/dust smells is torture. Trick is sleep around...and have yourself a ritual and that will no longer be a problemo.

However, sleeping with cousins is quite a different thing.Yup you got invited over to celebrate christmas and you went there hurriedly only to discover the whole family bonding thing is being stretched to the limit.

Besides the invasion of privacy, there is the restriction of freedom! You can't yawn out loud in whatever direction you well please with a funky mornin breath! Can't fart, belch, scratch much. Can't stretch or sleep diagonally-u become tied down in your own space! You can't coil however you damn well please cause the elastic on you pj aint what it used to be-so you're under threat of exposed crack!!!

3. ...lots of it.
Ladies and Gentlemen there is no greater joy than sleepin at around 7:30pm/8:00pm on a work night...and you sleep and sleep and you get wake up in the middle of the night thinkin its 5:00pm to discover it's only 11:30pm. Jumping jupiters! If this could be packaged and send as christmas presents it would be such a joy! After re-confirmin the time you cuddle up some more and start your second journey, but this time smiling!

4. ... peeing.
Am the kind that never wakes up to pee in the night. Either out of sheer laziness or the fact i get pressed around 6am and am too afraid to risk not falling back asleep again. So i hung in there! I think its a bad habit cause around 8am it's not even the urgency to go that wakes me but a radiating back pain! The bladder is so full-with a kind of pain you can backtrack up your renal system all the way to your kidneys!!! Whoa! Trust me you sprint to the loo-and by the time you relocate all your sphincters through the pain it takes like forever to pee-trust me sitting down becomes an option. Cause it's like trying to learn how to pee all over again. Numb with pee you stand there half awake willing somethin to happen...eventually you pee. And it takes long too...just when you thought you are through..wait...not yet....wait.... this is the kind you return to the loo after ten minutes to pee again.

5. ... the runs!
Oh trust me if you need to take a shaite while need to take a shaite. Nothing like good food poisoning to make you wake up and pay attention. This is a sign you don't mess with. If you body has given you ample time let alone warning to better run!!!!

6. ...insomnia.
(this is dedicated to my pal/cousin/blog-wife/yesterday's birthday girl MJY)
For some apparent reason you're not falling asleep. Even worse you fall asleep only to wake up a few hours later blinking away in frustration. Tossing and turning-now your beds all messed up! You're messed up!!! It's ALL messed up!!!
Chanting doesnt help! Counting sheep doesn't help! Cursing helps a bit!

To me these are a few reasons why i have insomnia

-stress: ur worried about something/depressed/something's nagging you. (Actually for some reason am usually more susceptible to depression at night than in the daytime-darkenss is my kryptonite!)....then i remember "wait a minute!" For me besides tv, sleep is the other way i escape from reality "so, ebu start escaping...chap chap"
-If you are too warm. Unleash them woollen socks. Throw off some blankets. Then try again.
-If you are hungry/thirsty-tsk tsk u should know better than to sleep on an empty stomach!
-If you had napped earlier will pay the price!
-Ten minutes after sleeping you wake up. Your housemate darn gone asleep leaving "Mugithi/Zilizovuma/Zilizopendwa" playing in the try to yell at him but he cant hear you over the said music and snoring. Your pride won't let you wake up and go switch the bloody thing off so you resort to calling him via your cell phone
-In laziness you did not make your bed...and now your toes are touchin bare blanket since God knows where your sheets are. You fumble around...but still you are having skin to blanket relations...eeeeew

Now for some reason if I'm up awake: I find joy in waking up others. That sadistic pleasure of pickin up your phone and calling up your friends/phone book. You call and as soon as they pick up the phone all groggy-you hung up! Pure pleasure. Now THAT knocks me out faster than a glass of milk!!! Wah and I sleep so deeply. When I wake up the next morning I'm caught by surprise by numerous insulting sms' ..and being the dumb ass that I am I have totally forgotten the entire 1-2am incidence!

(bless you friends for baring up with me-even when u threaten to lynch me I know you never mean it. And you must admit- a little disturbance while sleeping- as irritating/freaking annoying as it is-makes you sleep even deeper! bless you once again see you at 2am!)

7. ...dreams.
You know there are those shallow shallow dreams-and then there are those MAJOR dreams that you are so wrapped up in-it would take a forklift/crane to awake pull you out of. You dont even 'wake up' from them you 'come to' from them. So vivid and real are they...a completely deep, heavy sleep which is totally engulfing-entirely pleasurable. Wholistic in every essence-mind, body and soul!
Sigh! God knew what he was doing giving us the ability to dream.

8. ...prayers.
Speaking of the same God! Ever notice how whenever you start praying before you actually sleep!!!! I think that's the rudest thing we ever do in prayer-leaving Him hanging! And am guilty of solving insomnia sometimes by beginning to pray again..and before you know it the artist formerly known as St Lucifer has lulled me to sleep.

9. ...TV.
Now if you are flying in your dreams like superman or spinning a web like spiderman...that is just plain dreaming!! However!!! If for some reason Stefano Dimera has held you captive in Maison Blanche...and all of a sudden you have escaped and killed him and ended up a prisoner in Oz. You end up in solitary, and you're opposite the Hannibal who's trying to seduce you to chew your own toungue-but before he manages to you dig out a tunnel Shawshank style to end up as some 'lost' 'survivor' on an Island Jack Sparrow style....then my friend you have dreamt well! Though a lil time off the tube wouldnt hurt one bit either.

10. ...inappropriate places.
Now to hell with deep sleep and good dreams this beats them all. Sleeping at the wrong time at the wrond place. This is entirely physically refreshing!!!
Am sure you have happened to been victim to this:

-sleeping in class. Ngai those boring afternoon classes in high school as you were forced to read shamba la wanyama...or in college in those lecture theatres where no one knew if you existed...

-sleeping in a meeting/talk

-sleeping in someone's couch while watching a boring movie....or as you await a culinary surprise that the person has mastered in preparing and apparently you should be dying to taste.....zzzzzzz

-sleeping in your friends car as they are driving and ranting and raving about crap! And in fact this one is so sweet that you doze off for like a minute or two and you wake up startled and utter unconsciously "Hmmm?!?!?!" and like a miracle its just in cue with what your friend was saying and you hear them affirm and proceed... " EXACTLY!!..can you believe?!....." and off they go on and u nestle back in for another minute of sleep

Now the problem with this sleep it leaves you with such a guilty look in your eyes. Either that or the effort to remain awake is so draining as you fake listening/paying attention/replying as you struggle not to yawn. Ever tried yawning with plan?! its a killer you try to distribute the yawn in piesces through your mouth/nose heck even your eyes if it's possible...the more you stiffle the bigger it gets...your eyes well up...your body is about to shut down....

11. ...and lack of it.
No am not repeating insomnia. Am talkin about denied sleep as a result of staying up late. For me in Uni i discovered that sleep was a luxury and hence used to wake up to read. there's a time i slept for a total of 4hours in 3days. Yaani 2 hours each.
I was a walking zombie! Blood shot eyes. And my threshold for jokes was so low-anything if not everything was funny! My head was light! I could feel all my muscles cause they were tight as hell! No appetite! Vision blurred!

Aint that the coolest!!!!! To think all that can be cured by just sleeping. And the funny thing is the CAT i was reading for- yup you guessed i failed it well! Yes there is a thing like failing well as compared to failing badly. Failing badly is when by your standards you have done dismally! But failing well is when not only have you performed badly by your standards but also in comparison to your classmates. Yaani you're at 30+% the rest are at 60+% there is almost a pride in such failing...

So yes that's my story....and am wishing you all a pleasant night's sleep..or even at your a friends a restauraunt....anywhere u maybe enjoy you're sleep-but preferably not when reading this blog though!


Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

Thank you for the mention...

This was another brilliant post. I love the way you can take such an everyday topic and analyse it in a way that I had never thought possible.

What is your obssession with blue though? Ati blue sheets?

7/20/2005 1:02 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

wow. that is one cool blog about sleep. nobody but u could have come up with this one.

7/20/2005 4:25 PM  
Blogger kinyi said...

1)it is sooo damn hard to wake up to pee! Esp in my current environment. I noted that its around 2am when I feel like the loo and I don't want to move a muscle so when its like 6am I run to the loo and yes it takes longer and longer to get over and done with it! Thanx for that one!
2)dreams sometimes they are so vivid they scare the hell out of me...yup I've had a few I had to 'come to' from its like I was in reality and waking up was the dream and then once in a while a situation in life will occur which seems like a deja vu of the dream...weird eh?

7/20/2005 4:50 PM  
Blogger Wangari said...

kip - the best thing ever!!

like the mosquito net mention - the last time i saw one of those... hehehehe

TV in dreams - had one of those last week (thought i was jennifer garner in alias!!)

sleep in inappropriate places - my one is on the bus and on the tube. the number of times i have missed my spot coz i was akip are too numerous to count.

well done nick!

7/20/2005 4:59 PM  
Anonymous Msanii_XL said...

eishhh that peeing description..i'm not holding it anymore.

The worst part about sleeping business is waking up<---if there is feeling i loath it this. especially if you slept a little late.

nice post

7/20/2005 6:16 PM  
Blogger Poi said...

You cunt have described my best friend better. Ask all my friends and they'll tell you what sleep means to me. I guess, more than anything.Well, almost. Am sleepy-head. Though, I donn sleep in class/work/...

I make my friends call me to wake me up rather than my alarm going off and disrupting my sleep. Dang! I cunt even figure out to set my alarm until a 'tyt buddy' sorted me out..lols

I used to have major fights with my folks in Kenya for sleeping in and making others late..lols I miss the fights. Hahhaa

Am with you on Insomnia reasons. But, there's one i bring on me. I get wired on coffee en stay gawking like the whole night.I'm officially a coffee-addict.

Sleeping with anyone has always bn an issue, am the worst sleeper. I turn/toss, grab(beddings) dang anyone who ever slept with me will never repeat.

I sleep with the lights on, the t.v., music, anything. I remember my roomate's boyfi would always be tapping on my door to ask me to lower my A.C coz twas always way too loud.

I try sleep early, I donn switch off my cell when sleeping coz my sis won't let(incase something happens at night) plus i got some killer friends who drag me to do their graveyard shifts. I wish they could split the kapaycheck..lols.

Am a sucker when it comes to blue and oh, my bedroon is blue, cant get better. My sis thinks i lost it coz she argues it a boy-color.

Really, nice post. Honest, only you could come up with such. How do u even think up such?

7/20/2005 7:23 PM  
Blogger Brown Cowrie said...

"3. ...lots of it.
Ladies and Gentlemen there is no greater joy than sleepin at around 7:30pm/8:00pm on a work night...and you sleep and sleep and you get wake up in the middle of the night thinkin its 5:00pm to discover it's only 11:30pm. Jumping jupiters! If this could be packaged and send as christmas presents it would be such a joy!"

Gosh I wish someone COULD package this one and send it to me as a gift. I don't think I've ever gone to sleep that early since I was a toddler. My problem is that I'd be perfectly comfortable if I could be up all night and sleep all day - but I work a 9-5.

7/21/2005 4:16 AM  
Blogger M said...

Maze with the Kampala mosquitoes I am THE authority on all things Mosquito Net!! I'll school you yet!

7/21/2005 1:32 PM  
Blogger Prousette said...

Nico this is nice
you actually like cold sheets!! CRAZY
I love sleeping till the rays of the morning sun wake me up no better alarm than that; but sleep kiplani no tangled sheets. Actually if I slept alone with my hospital corners I just get out of the covers straighten them and the bed is totally straight.

Now I know why people like waking me up at kitu 3am with nothing to say that could not wait till morn.
Insomnia: I think I am sleep deprived because I fall asleep in ten minutes flat after settling in bed, I have no idea what it feels like to lack sleep

I remember sleeping in an agric class in high school till I fell off the chair and never did it again.

7/21/2005 1:47 PM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

Nick i ever suffered Insomnia for one day, it was the longest day of my life.I LOVE SLEEP.until today i had to google on guide to not oversleeping. Guess what i found i put my alarm away where i have to wake up and switch off and i know it will work.
I loved the analysis. Brilliant

7/21/2005 7:18 PM  
Blogger Sunflower said...

ha ha ha! I just woke up and i slept at 11pm jana and its 1.15 now! I feel SOOO good!lol! Im w/ you on the peeing as well! LOL! I do a dance all the way to the loo after holding it in for hours!
Dreams dreams dreams, sometimes they are good - but i swear my dreams haunt me.
@mosquito net! LOL!

7/21/2005 8:26 PM  
Anonymous mutesi said...

just beginning to appreciate sleep.Nick trust only you to break it right down to the peeing.As for mosquite nets,heheh haven't seen those in a hott minute.

7/22/2005 1:07 AM  
Blogger Supaflyshi said...

I love to sleep. The calling ure friend at wee hours in the morning... I do it whenever I can't sleep. And trust me...I talk and fall asleep on them and they always end up having a hard time getting back to sleep.
Lovely post.

7/22/2005 12:46 PM  
Anonymous aunt mshairi said...

Great post, as per usual, nephew. I love sleeping on fresh, nice smelling sheets and hate sleeping on tucked in beds - urgh!

7/22/2005 6:53 PM  
Blogger Medusa said...

You had me at Nyeri!- I might've said that before though, to imagine you're strolling the streets of this little town that holds so many special memories..ahhh
Insomnia- I've come to accept as part of my life right now.See, its 12:09am,my body clock wired all wrong..not even funny. Its weird, nothing seems to put me to sleep, except for, well..sleep.Sexercise would work-lakini that's not readily available right now..I gave away my TV, so no boring movies to lull me to sleep...books, just hold my attention, and next thing I know,its 5am- hot chocolate, I have one cup, and then I want another,..If I take a bath, I might as well just dress for work, and go in 12hrs, I just call a buddy who works the grave yard, by 3am I'm usually sleepy..yay 3-4hrs of zzz..

Darn, I wrote too much..I'm out!

7/23/2005 7:19 AM  
Blogger joani said...

hahaha what an awesome blog! 'twas VERY entertaining. keep it up yeah? :)

7/23/2005 10:55 AM  
Blogger akiey5 said...

Sleep & I haven't been good friends for years so am just some hopeless insomniac. Works for me though coz I can squeeze 2 days out of one,lol!
-countless time friends come to my place with their fav movies. Most take the couches as I sit on the carpet. Thrown in a boring movie & am in snoozeland in 10mins! Before long someone's pulling my ears while others are putting paper srips in my much for friends,lol!
-Once had a housemate who'd wake me up @10am with veery loud music knowing full well I slept at 8am. I wanted to put him in paper shredder or smth!!

7/23/2005 6:45 PM  
Blogger s! said...

manze, am i glad i live out of your calling distance.. plus you don't have my phone number!!

7/23/2005 11:58 PM  
Blogger Farmgal said...

atii you like cold sheets!!!!!! dude some people blow dry theres. wewe you need to go to some very cold country.

cold sheets give you insomnia

7/24/2005 4:24 PM  
Blogger akiey5 said...

Am with Farmgal on this cold sheet thing. Nick, I for one 'iron' my sheets before I jump into bed in the winter. NB:Summers are very hot in my state but we go as low as -21C in the winter, so imagine that:)

7/24/2005 7:22 PM  
Blogger KymmBr. said...

daargh!! ma bad..i slept while reading this post! yeeaah.. it was such boring.
hahaha....anyway, wewe? are yu for real about that yawning stuff? ati skin-to-blanket realtions.....hehe who really cares whether in what order they come?
ever tried sleeping under the mattress cover? it's sure a nice feeling...but not after yu have had a tad bit too much to drink and yu can't tell what is what.

nice post though Nikora. i wish i loved sleep they way yu try to depict people do. Am just different..that's all. it's neither here nor there.

7/24/2005 7:35 PM  
Blogger Adrian said...

funny i should come across this today. after some major partying on sato, slept till 13:30 on sunday. here i am in the office on monday morning, after only getting three hours sleep.

nothing beats the feeling of finally being able to pee after really holding it for ages...

7/25/2005 11:49 AM  
Blogger Guessaurus said...

Not one single person can love sleep half as much as I do. Its the best form of escapism. If i cant sleep, then I have loads of friends in a different timezone who I can chat up to until I am ready to snooze, especially the ones that go on and on and on and on and I switch off, and do the 'yes' amid their conversations with no idea what they were saying to begin with.

Gee, another thing, YOU KNOW THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO GO TO WORK AND CALL YOU AND THEN HANG UP SO THEY ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES AWAKE - well, shame, coz they get to go to work and I get some more kip - he he he.

Seriously though, I do almost all of the above when I cant sleep, even negotiating with the dude upstairs, only to fall asleep when doing it and wake up ten minutes later and continue the prayer, no wonder those times i can never sleep properly.

Nice analysis babyface (hmm hmm)

7/26/2005 5:10 PM  
Blogger Kaeretu said...

sleep is it!,it recharges me like nothing else.
Excellent post,you got it right with the sheets.

7/27/2005 2:06 AM  
Blogger Milonare said...


Sleep, sweet sleep. Read through it thinking true true...

A morning ritual of mine is to stick my big toe out of the sheets, a la swimming pool, deciding whether to emerge...

Great post!

7/27/2005 10:53 PM  
Blogger Poi said...

I like the watch...

7/28/2005 12:17 AM  
Blogger kari said...

aki nick ur so funny,,,.,u will make the guys watching me think am crazy coz i cant laugh with hard:-)am so with u about the cold sheets thing..cant sleep in a warm bed..even during winter..i like to get in and warm it..talking of warm stuff,do u just hate sitting on a chair someone else was sitting on and finding its warm.YUK!!!!!

7/29/2005 3:29 PM  
Blogger Farmgal said...

now @kari that warm chair thing is a whole new post madear, I agree with you its yuk yuk yuk

7/29/2005 9:54 PM  
Blogger Nyakehu said...

Nephew Nick insomnia is a joy I use mine to read and day dream at night then I suffer during the day, nice post

7/30/2005 12:20 AM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

Well well well! Raval couldn't have taught you better aout biology if he tried!
But seriously bro! Loose my number, ever call me at the wee hours of the morning to tell me you can't sleep, and I'll throttle you through the digital phoneline!
Insomwha? never heard of it

7/31/2005 6:12 PM  
Blogger Blue Poet said...

Okay okay!!!! Everyone has been asking whether they can call me 'Blue Poet'! This is my answer( a press release has been sent to all media houses at 0800hrs this morning):

The poet formerly known as Kenyan Kukekamba has decided, as a result of pressure armtwistting and all other manners of coersion to accept the title 'Blue Poet'.He will however refuse to acknowledge names like 'Blue Kukekamba','Blue Kamba' or 'Bluey'. The short form of 'Blue' is acceptable.

8/01/2005 3:30 PM  
Blogger Blue Poet said...

Nick. Sorry to barge in like that but I had to tell you as I note, like other bloggers that you have an obsession for blue.

Great Post.

8/01/2005 3:33 PM  

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