Saturday, January 28, 2006

Revolving KBW Soap!

I have discovered writing posts nowadays is becoming more and more difficult. Guess and Acolyte once accused me of having specialized in my posts, thus explaining why each post gets more difficult to unleash-cause I may be trying to outdo myself in cheap humor. To a point they may have been right then again I may just be another “blog has-been” paving way for the fresher generation. By the way it is so obvious that there is a new generation creeping in. Us, older ones are on our way to the bottom, sinking faster than an anvil down to the sea-bed.

So how can one revitalize their blog: yes we could post more often? Here are some of the stunts that I have pulled. I have been a blog-ho going up and about…I was commenting all around I was practically a circle. I can incite wars! I initiated Blog-romances! At a time I even asked for Post suggestions. Hey I could start a Bloggers Arc but Guessy Babes would sue me off my chubby I guess it’s my turn to start something new.

I’m going to start a revolving blog soap. Remember that game? Where one starts a story and as it moves on to another person, the person continues the story and may perhaps take it off at tangent or keep it in the same line and tempo ?

-Each comment will be a continuation of a part or the entire story line.
-Each comment should follow the preceding comment in story flow.
-Preferably avoid anonymous comments.
-The story is fictional so let no one take offense.
-I have weird imagination so let yours run wild.
-You can introduce other characters or yourself into the story the more the merrier.

It's Saturday late afternoon, in Blogland. Like letters in the Keyboard…Like leaves in a grapevine… these are the Blogs of our Lives!

Acolyte is working out in the gym furiously. Msanii is seated there watching him, listening to his I-Pod. He has no alternative, he needs a lift. They have an early evening double-date with Mutumia and Guess. The Blogland divas! Msanii is biting his fingernails he cannot remember the last time he was this excited. Acolyte pumps the iron harder than ever, he needs to maintain that chiseled look. Could today be the day he succumbs? What the two fellows don’t know is that Whispering Inn and Brother Jero have a date with them later that evening with similar hopes.

Brother Jero has just made an excuse to Kipepeo why he can’t meet her tonight… something to do with working the evening shift or not feeling too well cough cough.... Kipepeo on the other hand was relieved the date was cancelled and is on her way to meet Whispering Inn’s pregnant girlfriend-Spicebear!

Ms K and Kenyan Musings (batteries left at home) on the other hand have respective movie dates with Akiey and Thinker. Akiey is grooming himself up with cologne as Thinker struggles to grease up his curly kit…each wants be in their sharpest form! This is not a double date, but the couple bumps into each other up at the theatres. Thinker is out with KenyanMusings and is busted leering at Ms K.

S! and Shiroh are swapping kindergarten stories over some Ice cream. Shiroh keeps mentioning Torments, S! in turn keeps mentioning his rebound from Lequita! The two are a much made in heaven! Sandman is wondering who he is gonna take out dancing Nakeel or Stunnuh? Who is less baggage? Stunnuh has already left numerous voice messages insinuating that she is free and available.

Poi is on the phone catching up with Kymmbr. Irena is on her way to Jamaica again. Keguro is in Jamaica. Gishungwa is working late tonight she has no date…yet! All she has to do is go thru her three little black books! Magaidi is giddy over CuteAngel. CuteAngel wants none of that!

Prousette and Wangari decide to leave their hubbies at home and cruise the town…I hear they are meeting up with the 3 sisters Mshairi, Uaridi, Nyakehu for a night out of town. 5 girls let loose in town sounds like danger.

Mental is helping Farmgal close shop apparently they plan on having a quiet dinner at Mental’s cribas he shows her picture slide show of his visit to Kenya. MJY is flying in from Belize awaiting a hearty reception at the airport. Unaware that everyone is expecting her the following day. She has shocking news for everyone.

Let the stories continue....


Anonymous Guessaurus said...

Good afternoon Nicko - how goes it?
You have been eluding me this last coupla weeks - *sing with me: One way or another, I'm gonna find ya, I'm gonna get you get you get you one way....*

Ok, off to read your latest instalment...

1/28/2006 6:26 PM  
Blogger Poi said...

I gotta hit my biomedics final then come read all of it

1/28/2006 6:43 PM  
Blogger Acolyte said...

@ Nick
That is a great concept, let me rush to the torture chamber and then I will see what I can add to the tale when I return!

1/28/2006 7:49 PM  
Anonymous mshairi said...

Prousette and Wangari decide to leave their hubbies at home and cruise the town…I hear they are meeting up with the 3 sisters Mshairi, Uaridi, Nyakehu for a night out of town. 5 girls let loose in town sounds like danger…

…but first they have to resolve some issues
- Prousette wants to call and speak Nyumi before he sleeps and before we hit the streets
- Wangari has to go to the police station because horror of horrors, someone has been at her CDs. Again
- Nyakehu wants to go to a salsa club
- Uaridi, spoilsport that she is, suddenly decides she wants a quiet night in
- Mshairi is at a loss

Just then, MJY telephones with some shocking news. The truth is finally out. The tabloids have been camping at her door. She has been leading a double life. By day, she is a laywer. By night, she is…

1/28/2006 11:28 PM  
Blogger Whispering Inn said...

Whispering Inn, dressed like the gigolo he is, exits the gate to his mansion with tires squeeling and the pungent smell of burning rubber in his wake. “Haki ya nyanya,” he swears as he guns the red CLK convertible into the road, “I am one good looking son of a bitch!”
He is off to his hot double date with the goddess Guess, the elegant Muts, and player extraordinaire Brother Jero in the city’s most elegant restaurant. Freshly picked roses and a wrapped gift for the Guess occupy the passenger seat.
The phone rings but he ignores the call from pregnant Spicebear. How could she allow herself to get pregnant? Besides, that Kipepeo is giving her toxic advice!
The Whis cannot be expected to talk to angry women tonight. He has the evening all planned out. Dinner, dance at the club, drinks and some mutual strokage back at the mansion, heavy petting/strokage at the Jacuzzi, then heavenly passion upstairs!
His eyes light up at the thought of cooking his signature breakfast for the gorgeous Guess the following morning. His foot finds the gas and the monster engine roars as the needle on the speedometer kisses 200. “Nani kama Whis?” the super confident s.o.b yells into the wind as the the CLK takes a crack at the sound barrier. Spicebear who?
At the restaurant The Whis grabs a Martini and joins BJ, sipping a Malibu and dressed in all things Gucci. The soft piped music soothes their testosterone as they talk football and await the arrival of their dates. They plan to wine, dine, seduce and romance Guess and Muts from the reach of rivals Msaniixl and The Acolyte.

1/29/2006 12:19 AM  
Blogger spicebear said...

"how could he?" spicey wails as kipepeo nods understandingly and hands her a tissue. "lying son of a bitch, he'll get what's coming to him!" kipepeo says, all the time looking at her watch - they need to get on with the rest of the night, enough already.

he sure will, spicebear thinks. she had been tipped off about shenanigans that were whis, guess and alcohol. her contacts at the resturant were all set, and an sms confirmed that the laxatives she paid the bar man to put in their drinks were already starting to take effect - sweat beads forming on foreheads, clenched teeth and the relevant people squirming uncomfortably in their seats. "ha, that will show them!" she says through her tears.

"show who what? c'mon tell me, tell me, tell me!" kips wheedles. the laughter ensues after the plot is unravelled and they all feel abit better. "that BJ will also get what's coming to him!" spicebear continues. "you see, he's also at the resturant and i hear that that hottie sitting on his lap is actually the hottest looking transvestite this side of blogland ... "

1/29/2006 1:05 AM  
Blogger Keguro said...

Meanwhile in Jamaica . . .

Keguro and Irena spot a highly respected kbw dignitary pulling a Terry McMillan with a nick look-alike

Intrigued, we move closer to hear the vibes she's using

Could this be the part-time job Nick mentioned to earn "extra money?"

1/29/2006 4:03 AM  
Blogger nick said...

(Streamlinig the story as we go along...and shame on Guess and Aco and Poi hamjasoma rules)

>The 5 ladies are in the car driven by mshairi. Prousette is mumbling sweet incoherencies "mummy wuvs u, mummy wuvs u...cutchi cutchi coo.."
Nyakehu is at the back screaming Salsa Salsa,waving her arms in the air.WAngari's is also on the phone about her stolen CD's...she has had just enough! Unhappy Uaridi's phone rings. Apparently Mamajunkyard is frantic..not even to do with the fact no one has picked her up but she's on the headlines of the Local Blog Daily truth is out

>Elegant Cool Smooth S.O.B aka Whis is at the table with B.J-the two cocky bastids! Suave and confident they are awaiting their late dates.Each laughing at how they blew off Kips and Spicebear...each laughing at how Aco and Msanii think they have a flippin chance...

>A bitter waiting-to-exhale Spicebear has unleashed laxatives thru her contacts...Problem is-Whis and BJ haven't met Guess and Mutumia. Could their contact have mistaken Guess and Muts being with Aco and Msanii? Have they poisoned unsuspecting Aco and Msanii...Mutumia's lap dance sure looks a little uncoordianted is it from the laxative or her transvestite self or is it msanii indisposition??!

>Hmmm Irena has bumped into Keguro in Jamaica what a small world. So who is the KBW dignitary getting her groove back far away from far with the Couch 'Tato look alike? Isn't that ADRIAN with a tan looking like a spit image of 'Tato?

1/29/2006 8:58 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

(Nick, not to ruin the flow, but do you mind changing the settings so that the comments box opens in a different window? Thanks!)

~In the meantime, C.A. is trying to relax after a long week of B.S. from everyone around her. The candles are lit, the bubble bath is ready, the music is soothing...then the phone rings. It's Magaidi calling for the 13th time that day. C.A. closes her eyes and tries to block out the annoying sound. "Dammit! I knew I should have turned off my freakin' ringer. I'm gotta kill that son of a bitch when I see him." As the phone continues to ring, CA suddenly realizes how empty her house is. Maybe, just maybe, she could use a little male attention. She smiles at the thought of a man running his hands up and down her spine...

~Kip wipes away her tears of glee as Spice tries to make her story juicer. "I would kill to see the look on those bastards' faces right now." Spice finished with a satisfied sigh. What she didn't know was that BJ and Guess had already moved to the VIP lounge and could hardly keep their hands off each other. The laxatives had apparently landed in the wrong glasses. Already, the straps had fallen off Guess'(s) shoulder to reveal a lacy red bra. Was that a push-up? BJ didn't care. The bulge in his pants was already too much for him to handle...

1/29/2006 10:37 AM  
Blogger Nakeel said...

After weighing and listening to the numerous voice messages Stunuh left on his celly Sandie decides to call her and arrange to go for the swing.
He will be picking her at her place in an hours time.
Glad he is hooked up he jumps to the shower takes about 20 minutes then kwatuas himself in his $1500 Zegna jeans and white top dusts his specs and reaches for his Le Male - Jean Paul Gaultier cologne for he feels confident with his sexuality., Stands next to the mirror and why lie He is fine.

At Nakeel's she has been waiting to hear from Sandie but he hasn't called. The girl steps out and thinks she got an idea dashes to shower quickly to the wardrobe and grabs a low clevage showing pink top and a matching jeans jumps in her Christian Dior high heeled shoes her birthday present from Sandie and hops out she is on her way to see Sandie.

As Sandie grabs his Saleen S7 Twin Turbo car keys and checks to see everything is alright the door bell rings. He moves swiftly to see whether its Stunuh who grew impatient and decided to come but to his surprise NAKEEL herself looking elegant and charming says HI Sweetie...

Were you going somewhere? Hesistant Sandie says No wanted to come and check on you and look you are here.. Come on In..

Mmmmh smells good he offers her a drink and starts to tell her how he missed her and wanted to surprise her tonight but she did.

At Stunuh's almost an hour is near over she is nervous and can't wait for Sandie to get there. She is wondering whats happening and decides to call. Sandie doesn't pick the call and she plans to go and see him at his place..

Sandie proposes to Naks they catch movie at the Cinema before the night rolls..

1/29/2006 12:08 PM  
Blogger mutumia said...

Stunuh is pissed off two hours later. She's all dressed up and it's beginning to look like the sandman stood her up. Right then, Mutumia calls her and asks what the plan is. And it turns out- that Mutumia has been stood up too "We waited for these mofos to show at Ozzios, lakini Guess and I just got smashed at the bar and they never showed. "

"I knew I should have gone to Jamaica with Nick on his new gig as a beach boy" stunuh says "Ama just gone to Nascar with >d even though he's celibate" Guess and Muts say...

Full of spite and humming the theme song to "waiting to exhale" they agree to meet at the movies where the first suckers to die will be re-named sandie, BJ, W-Inn. But as they check in- the first people they see are Nakeel and Sandman canoodling at the ticket booth.

After earings are removed, asses summarilly whooped (with Guess providing a cheer and saying " I'm a lover, not a fighter"), they decide to head out to the bar to catch some pints.

Upon entering- the first people they see are BJ/ W-Inn getting a and a heavily made up, dressed in a sequined dress Msanii getting their lap-dance on to Britney spears "Not a girl- nor a woman" song....

1/29/2006 10:19 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

So to take away lots of tension and for a change of emotion, kips gets spicey to go out and paint the town red! pregnant women have a glow...according to dr. phil and lots of other philosophers that kips suggests spicey should NOT just be seen at home....

1/30/2006 10:54 AM  
Blogger KenyanMusings said...

***KM looking around in confusion wondering how and which criteria was used to pick her date and why SHE DID NOT GET A SAY IN IT. She would really have liked to go where there was alcohol being consumed. She proceeds to pound the living daylights out of that little devil Nicky who has all along been fooling everybody with his sweet face.
Then she goes back to read the blog in order to understand. Smacks Nicky again on her way out**

1/30/2006 1:33 PM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

1/30/2006 3:53 PM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

Well, well, well! It appears that the spiderman has turned he's powers of web spinning at pot stirring.
As Nick whimpers in the corner, every so soften letting out a good howl for he's near sainted Mother, KM unleashes every single kick and box learnt from hours of practising Tae Bo!
Stunned at the injustice, Sunuh hand's KM her single woman's-carry-everything-including-the-kitchen sink handbag, saying with a definite hiss
'MY turn'
proceeds to use the fine art or extended nail scratching on Nick's chubby Face!
'You pot stirring pustule on a horse's rear! Pathetic mental midget with an IQ of a fence post!'
KM swings Stunuuh's 10 kilo bag at Nick's middle, and is rewarded with a gasping
Impressed Stunuh retrieves the offending hand bag and walks out behind KM to pour over the blog and figure out exactly where it all went tits up!
She'll be back for be continued

1/30/2006 4:32 PM  
Blogger Acolyte said...

It seems that Mutumia and Stunuh had gone to the wrong club.In here over eagerness to get some "sugarcane" she had taken the wrong exit and gone to a club with the same name where she was supposed to meet Aco and Msanii.
Meanwhile Aco and Msanii were at the club.Aco and Msanii were the envy off all the men in the club and the objects of desire of all the women in the club.
A leggy nubian princess looks at Msanii longingly and then glides over.She bends down giveing the gents and eyeful of (---censored---) and asks Msanii and Aco to join her and her equally stunning friend at their table.
As they walk over this mountain of a man with a face that would do well on radio says in a gravelly voice, "what are you doing with my women?!" and throws a punch with so much power that the slipstream upends all the tables.
Aco moves like greased lightening, going under the punch and coming up with an equally stunning upper cut that fells the behemoth!
The ladies are in awe while msanii is visibly relieved.The nubian princess turns to Aco and says "I have been trying to get that brute off my back,my private jet is ready to go.I want the both of you to be my guests on my private estate in Jamaica......."

1/30/2006 8:56 PM  
Blogger mutumia said...

Then Aco and Msanii both wake up to realize that it is nothing but a cruel dream and they are huddled together outside the club- waiting to get thro' the velvet ropes

1/30/2006 9:47 PM  
Blogger Magaidi said...

The fella Magaidi looks at his watch again, he’s been in town for two days, the conference ends tomorrow afterward he’s headed to Los Angeles. He knew the date didn’t go well, his cellie had been ringing off the hook , C.A wasn’t amused and she let him know. What to do? She seemed uptight and talked about work being stressful and people giving her B.S. Something happened when they left “Le Carre Bistro” that night. C.A forgot her diary and a pair of gold earrings in Magaidi’s Z3. He’d been trying to get in touch with her all day to tell her this and also apologize for the date and maybe just get another chance. Since he didn’t have her address, there was no way he was going to fly out with the items. “Gentlemen just don’t do that”, he mentioned to his boy Whis (The S.O.B was on his way to another date!), he peeks at his watch again, 1945GMT. “Where is this chic?” The answering machine picks up.
Another call comes through on the other line. “Yo Son, Mr Choi’s deal is in the works, sign it and get it to me stat..’
“Fine” Click.
1947GMT. Tick, tock, tick, tock

1/30/2006 10:38 PM  
Anonymous Guessaurus said...

(Guess, albeit late, realises that to mark her territory she should have pissed on her own foot, not put it straight into her mouth - so shamefully takes helm :) )

That Mr.Choi's deal for Magaidi, unbeknownst to anyone else, is for a part time job at the slaughterhouse. Yes, how fast can you say chicken chow mein - without the Chow Mein - au naturel chicken - au naturel de-skinned - someone's gonna have to do the skinning and our Magaidi has gotta do the dirty on this one.

He has been ignoring his cell phone from CA because he knew he was on call, he came to town to hide from those dudes chasing him for rent -oh and cheating on their supuu lil girl while he already had a girlfriend, and another that is supposedly not his girlfriend girlfriend.

So dude got kicked out, and for that he ran out of town- literally. And got his local chinee dude to hook him up with the job - which is where we are at the moment.

Try explaining that to a cutie like CA while still explaining that she gotta pay dinner -oh, while she is at it, she gotta let him crash for a while too -until he can get his game down. Damn, dude is fallen on hard times...

The other thing is CA -he wants the gold earrings back - did I mention he has fallen on hard times :)

1/31/2006 12:52 AM  
Anonymous Guessaurus said...

Guess had been excited though and ready to unleash her charm on this self-confessed charmer Whis. See she knows something he doesn’t – although she loves getting all that attention from men and knows she is gorgeous, she has one rule. Bad boys and all that showy flashy car biz isn’t her thing anymore. Especially since she has heard about his signature breakfast: He asks women how they like their eggs: Fertilised is his answer, ask Spicey 

Good thing they didnt hook up - she might have had him for breakfast and then pissed on his foot (hey, there is a cure for everything, and that entails pissing on something - well, a foot is a good start to mark territory, right?)

1/31/2006 12:58 AM  
Blogger sandman said...

Mshairi is trying to change the radio station when the car hits a huge pothole and all the ladies scream. She slams on the brakes and the car skids to a halt in the middle of the road. Prousette, Uaridi and Wangari have all dropped their phones and are searching for them on the car floor. Nyakehu is visibly shaken and is trying to recite the Lord’s prayer but she can’t remember anything past “Our Father”.

After a moment Mshairi breaks out into laughter, Prousette is clutching her phone and Uaridi is busy trying to call back MJY. Wangari is still trying to find her phone under the seat but all the ladies stop and stare at Mshairi. “Who art in heaven, hehehe, who art in heaven”, she manages to say in between chuckles. Nyaks is still staring with a lost look on her face and all the ladies turn and start laughing.

Just then Uaridi’s phone rings. It’s MJY again and she sounds almost hysterical. “Slow down, slow down my dear I can’t hear you!” she says. Prousette is offering to drive the car and Nyaks is taking a swig of the vodka she always caries in her purse for emergencies (and this is definitely one, don’t judge her). Wangari is still searching for her cell phone when her fingers brush against something hard. She pulls it out, it’s a CD. She holds it up,Tony Braxton secrets, just like the one she had stolen. She turns it over and right there in the bottom corner is a name in big, black letters WANGARI!

At that same moment, Uaridi yells at the phone, “Pictures of you doing what?!”………….

1/31/2006 7:17 AM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

22nd here or what?

1/31/2006 9:23 AM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

MJY is cursing the bastards…Nick had to do this. He would do anything for little money. Meanwhile Uaridi and Wangari are in constant agreement that Nick’s expulsion from blogland is overdue. Prousette is getting upset at the ruined evening; she mumbles with much arrogance that she would have preferred a peaceful evening with hubby and Nyumi. Mshairi takes out her pack of Aspen, chucks one cigarette cuddles it and shouts enough is enough! Lights it and hits the road with much vengeance. Its time to party;

1/31/2006 11:51 AM  
Blogger Brother Jero (BJ) said...

Hey, there is my friend Nick. Sorry I thought this was still your last post so I never went through it.

Wassup friend??

2/01/2006 12:26 AM  
Blogger Poi said...

HHEHEHE my bad Gich boy...ok my take...

Auntie Mshairi is getting sick of all the mumbles and hysteria in the car. Each of them seems to be throwing some sorta tantrum. Every single of them seems to have an idea and suggestion to who should go pick MJY up and why.

Auntie Uaridi is still on phone w/MJY. MJY can't even start to imagine how everyone could forget her flight was in-ing tonight. Heck everyone seems to have mapped it all out and got stuff going w/out even having her in mind. Someone's sure gonna pay for this!

I mean what was so hard to understand the fax to E-red?? the e-mail to Wambui?? the txt message to auntie Mshairi??the call to Nick?? All those messages and no one remembered, oh she is so not taking that. All fingers point at Nick right now. All effort she made wasn't it just enough? arrghhhhh!

Auntie Nyakehu finally has had enough of this and tells Auntie Mshairi to drop her home, she'll pick her car and go pick MJY. Only thing is everyone has to be called coz everything plan for tonight has to come to a standstill for the next few hrs coz MJY insists she's bearer to most shocking news and that's why she will NOT ride a cab home. Wow!

drama unfolds...

2/01/2006 2:28 AM  
Anonymous acolyte said...

Mutumia and Guess went to the wrong club in their rush to hook up with Acolyte and Msanii.They entered the club the thought they were meant to be at only to realise that they were at a gay and lesbian club.
A big strong butch lesbian took a liking to Mutumia and sat on the bar stool next to her and offered no made her accept a drink from her.Mutumia could not say no as she knew saying no would end with her in the foetal position to escape the irate she-males blows.Guess on the other hand was giggling at Mutumia only for a petite gal to plonk herself on guess' lap and give her an unsolicited peck.Guess was shocked but then was disarmed by the nymphets sense of humor.
As Guess was drinking her drink as slow as possible so as to avoid conversation.The curtains went up and music began to play.The strip show had just began.Milo,Brother Jero and Whispering Inn were well oiled and moving their bodies to the music and accepting the patrons tips as they were placed in their thongs.......

2/01/2006 2:53 AM  
Anonymous acolyte said...

As the oiled dancers gyrated their firm bodies on the stage and the tables Mutumia could feel her loins getting warmer and warmer.She needed some sugarcane.Much to her new friend's chagrin she inched to the stage and tried to pass her number that she had scrawled on a receipt to one of the dancers but the sheer amount of women around them would not let her through.She cursed as Milo and co picked the notes off the stage and inched behind the curtain.Guess meanwhile was laughing her head off at the jokes that her new friend was telling her but was interrupted by an inebriated and angry Mutumia who wanted to go home.Mutumia brushed off her buff admirer and rushed Guess out of the club.Guess drove Mutumia home and the proceeded to her apartment.
Mutumia's loins were now incandescent with desire.She rummaged her underwear drawer for her dildo.She squelled with sheer delight as she held the red humongous member in her hand.She then proceeded to undress and lay down on her queen size matress.She was ready and knew the moment had come.She flipped the switch.....nothing happened.A cold bead of sweat ran down her brow as she flipped the switch again.The batteries were dead due to overuse and she had no other batteries in the house.
The next day the neighbours congregated and wondered what was the cause of the agonised screams that emerged for a whole hour from Mutumia's apartment......

2/01/2006 4:17 AM  
Blogger nick said...

of course i can break my own rules...y'all are hilarious and o love the style of writing so different from ur usual bloggin selves...keep at it.AND stunnuh damn it stick to the story line:

so where are we:

Car scenario:we have heathen Nyaks tryin to recite her prayer...Wangari may have just discovered her thief...and MJY has spoilt everythin with her arrical

Mutumia:in search of her battery operated sugarcane

Spicebear:singin papa dont preach im in so deep papa dont preach ive been losing sleep but ive made up my mind im keepin my baby

Whis/BJ/Milo were doin a strip tease show all oiled up and good to go

Magaidi is doin quite well without CA and Guess without Whis...
let the storo continue..where are the other players?

2/01/2006 4:48 PM  
Blogger Magaidi said...

(G U know I had to get you for what you did to me huh?)

>Guess drove Mutumia home and the proceeded to her apartment.

She took the first right off beacon street and headed down ‘Farmer’s Ave’. For some reason she couldn’t get the sight of Whis, strutting his stuff around in his underwear and a bow tie: a bad imitation of Chippendales off her mind. The song “who let the dawgs out” kept playing on in her mind and each time she got more excited shouting as if in unison with the Baha Men, “who who who whooo..” neck arched in position to hit the high note on crescendo: An earpiercing shout down Farmer’s Ave that had the preacher’s wife concerned until the 1993 “tuk tuk” whisked past her house.
“What was that?” the Preacher asks.
“It’s the crazy hippie from block B” the wife retorted.
“didn’t the people from animal control arrest her for chasing and beating down those stray cats last Saturday night?”
“Guess Not!”
The car frame careened off the corner, Guess “put the pedal to the metal” the odometer read 542,037 the speedometer struggled to hit 27mph. There was a loud thud, perhaps a gasket blew but she couldn’t care less, she put her head outside to ‘feel the breeze as she cruised down the street’ That’s when it happened:

The wig flew off revealing an oblong shaped head, a powerful muscle of a head that has satellite dishes worldwide drooling….

2/01/2006 9:57 PM  
Blogger Farmgal said...

honestly mental I come all this way and the only thing you can think of is show me your pics?
wacha I read the paper...I see headlines on mamajunkyard.....what!

also some gos about nick dating ???? inthe gossip corner!

2/02/2006 12:05 AM  
Blogger akiey said...

akiey's still deciding whether to stay in The Gold Coast's Accra(m) & catch a movie with his nite on the town friend MsK or take pics of her twirling & swirling in her flowing maron skirts with chopsticks holding her hair in place.
Beep-beep-beep a text message from Thinker & KenyanMusings interrupts his daydreaming. Message says..."brng camras bcoz mob stuff happng where we R...caught n traffc abt 2miles down..."

2/02/2006 12:38 AM  
Anonymous Mama JunkYard said...

Despite Aunty Nyakhu's requests to be taken home, Aunty Uaridi declares that nobody is leaving the car. They must ALL make the trip to the airport. Uaridi informs then that she can not bear to hear MJY's news alone.

Meanwhile in Accra, Akiey attempts to call Ms K and inform her of Thinkers and KenyanMusings traffic delay. His phone goes to a recorded message. The recorded message is not in English, it is in Twi. Akiey who's knowledhe of foreign languages knows no bounds mistakenly assumes that it is the Ghanaian version of "Mteja...". He makes a mental note to try again laterIf only he knew the real translation to the recorded message, he would have thought twice about hanging up so casually...

Back in the car the 5 women are approaching the airport. Uaridi is singing loudly "Nderefa..Kanyaga gear!" and clapping her hands. Mshairi is threatening to duct tape anyone who sings above the radio. Aunty Nyaks is reminding Mshairi that she should refrain from waving her hands while holding a cigarette.

At that very moment, Mshairi drops her lit cigarette. The women panic. Wangari, the driver, instinctively reaches down to pick it up, while also attempting to stamp out the fire.

Prousette calls out to reminds the driver to watch the road just as the car swerves.

As Wangari attempts to regain control of the vehicle. The passengers all scream in unison as they notice MJY stepping out into the road ahead them.

Unexpectedly Aunty Nyaks recites the entire Lord's Aramaic

Were her prayers on time? Did Wangari's firestomping feet step on the breaks? Or have they inadvertenly ensured that noone will ever know what MJY had to say?

2/02/2006 11:44 PM  
Blogger Milonare said...

As the ladies arrive at the airport, they are really surprised to find both Spicebear and Kipepeo there...

The Nyas ladies are in their best outfits, sagging their thongs...

Aco and Msanii are in the waiting area for Arrivals brandishing Mutumia/Haidhuru signs... Someone has crossed off the Mutumia on the sign and added the letters LP to Haidhuru with lipstick. Seems this person will not just stop at nicking a blog...

Milo arises from his 40 days and 40 nights of slumber amazed at how the blogworld can change!!!

He shakes his head and goes back to sleep...

2/03/2006 7:07 PM  
Blogger Irena said...

As I arrive to my suite in Jamaica hottest spot,I unpack my bag, take out my teenie weenie hot outfit, I slip in the bathroom,take a good warm shower, moisturize myself, adorn myself with Vyes Laurent parfum,slip in my sexy red number..ahhh interruption... cling!cling! my suite phone rings, " harro?, harro? I say:-)on the other end I hear his sweet sexy accent "alo,Ich bildete es! wir treffen schließlich" . Omg I say, you are really here,I can't wait to finally meet you. I nervously wear my Manolo red high heel sandals, take my gucci red handbag and out to the front desk.....and oh my, I see him standing there waiting and directly looking at me with a sheepish smile just as I had imagined. His tall broad shoulders,the beautiful smile makes me knock my feet as I walk towards him( The way you make me feel style):-).That GQ looks is mesmerizing . I move towards him and he gives me a hug and he says Irena we finally meet....."I have waited for so long for this moment", I say with a shaky voice "me too J" he takes my hand , opens to the door of his rental convertible and off we go to a private Jamaican island....... In my mind as we cruise through the street of Jamaica I go "God Bless KBW coz kweli dreams come true" But wait as I look across the street, huh? is that Keguro ?

2/03/2006 7:25 PM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2/03/2006 9:45 PM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

Stunuh, (feeling better for venting her annoyance at Nick's pot stirring), has finally returned from a jet setting week, having visited the coast and the lake shore, on business. She struggles out of her bad babe boots that give her charcoal black pant suit that extra umph! Thrilling at the feel of plush carpet under her feet, she turns on some relaxing R&B, opens a bottle of white wine, and starts running a bath, a godess returning to her temple.
As soon as Stunuh begins her soak the phone demands attention with it's annoying shrill piercing ring!
'Who the..?'
Who was calling at this time? To be exact, who dared disturb this peaceful haven? The phone was answered with the as much rudeness as Stunuh could master,
'Make it snappy!'
'I don't think you'd appreciate that'
the deep husky male voice on the other end of the line said.

2/03/2006 9:50 PM  
Blogger sandman said...

....the deep husky male voice on the other end of the line said.

"This is AT&T, are you interested in our long distance packa....", Click! She had no time for such nonsense. Her temple was throbbing and she suddenly felt very very tired. She dropped the phone and let her body slide back into the water, savouring the sensation as the water gently glided over her smooth, ebony skin.

She surrendered as she felt the warmth begin to sooth her tense body and slowly let her eyelids fall shut. She was sinking into a deep dark hole.......

This was the beach where she'd first met him. She remembered the look he'd given her, and how sexy and powerful it had made her feel. She had never felt more like a woman than she had at that moment. It was all coming back to her, the look in his eyes, the rich musky smell of Burberry on his skin as he leaned in to kiss her. She felt to weak to put up a fight, so she closed her eyes and parted her lips........

She was jolted awake coughing and gasping for air. While sleeping her head had slipped under the water. She wiped her face with her hands and blinked as let out a deep sigh. Her phone was flashing and she picked it up. "1 missed call". She opened it and felt her heart quicken when she saw the name.

She quickly pressed redial and held her breath as the phone started to ring.......

2/04/2006 2:43 AM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

'Mteja Hapitikana kwa sasa!'
Crap! So much for technology.
She hit's the redial button again.
Ring. Ring, Ring.
'Took you long enough. Where are you?'
He's voice, that voice, she'd know it from anywhere. Even if he whispered she'd pick him out in a shouting crowd.
'I'm here'
Stunuh mentally kicks herself. I'm here! what kind of answer is that! Why does her brain turn into over-boiled pasta at the sound of he's voice? He's not even in the same room!

2/05/2006 12:08 AM  
Blogger Wangari said...

Wangari only just manages to stop the car from hurling down a ditch.

MJY thinking the car will hit her, jumps out of the way in a style similar to that of an Olympic long jump finalist. The landing is slightly unfortunate though and her skirt flies every which way exposing a lot of flesh and some very sexy lingerie.

Prousette sees her fall and bursts into fits of laughter. “
Don’t laugh at the poor girl, do you know how serious this could have been?” Aunty Uaridi says and everyone is quiet for a minute but then Uaridi is unable to hide it anymore and she also bursts into more fits of laughter. All join in and for a few minutes everyone laughs until their eyes water.

MJY gets up and staggers to the car and cannot believe that everyone is laughing at her
“Ladies, this is not funny! Aunty Uaridi, have you forgotten my news? Something needs to be done NOW!”

“Oh Botheration! What news MJY? Explain!” Mshairi says, exasperated

All the ladies turn to MJY and wait for her to come clean..

“Alright, I’ll tell you” MJY says quietly…..

2/07/2006 3:14 PM  
Blogger Brother Jero (BJ) said...

Nick, I have been MIA busy like hell at jobo. This is hilarious and I have called Kipepeo for a movie date & dinner tomorrow night and she was game, thanks to you.

Whis and his date are joining us too.

Love it.

2/07/2006 5:54 PM  

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