Saturday, February 25, 2006

Childhood Trauma a.k.a Memories

This blog has been about cheap humor, entertainment and retro-flashbacks…well it certainly won’t stop now! Ha.

So let’s stroll along memory lane…

Bed Wetting: Now how many succumbed to those trite tricks of not drinking water in the evening? Peeing before going to sleep? Delaying urination during the day to strengthen them sphincters? Each new night with renewed zeal and confidence…into a clean pair of Spiderman pyjamas I’d hop into…snuggle up…off to lalaland. Hours later…by reflex one ka-eyeball opens up stat! Darts about frantically and suspiciously in the dark. Ear finely tuned like on a Mission Impossible set. Heart palpates and thumps ferociously. You slowly check for moistness on the bed near your crotch like you would check a baby’s temperature with the back of your hand….now if you are dry as the Sahara at noon-you breathe easy, vitals return to normal, you can even afford a sigh of relief and a coy smile... and off to lalaland again

Now, woe unto you if you are as wet as your neighbour's culinary mishap also known as lunch time stew. In a puddle you float in noisily in-cause trust me that macintosh under your sheets doesn’t absorb and its plastic properties are not silent!!! So, depending on how the-waiting to exhale-bladder incorporated with your multi-directional pee-pee misbehaved, you could be wet from your armpit to your knee. Note, it was usually one sided. (Remember the song ‘I feel it in my fingers I feel it in my toes-the pee is all around me…’) It was like a conspiracy by your own body to bring you down. Such back-stabbing betrayal!

Thumb Sucking: For some reason cartoons were the much entire better when your thumb was shoved up your mouth! I was a left hand thumb suckling kid from the west and still got the scar to prove it.(adjusting belt and crotch!) For some reason the event was more enjoyable if my right middle and ring finger were lodged in a folded sweater. I can’t even describe that…I’d fold up my sweater then peg it with those fingers. My cousin on the other hand sucked her left thumb and with her right index finger fiddled with her belly button! Go figure!

Cousins: Boy didn’t I grow up with many of those. From first cousins to third cousins...you know the kind you say “oh yeah that’s my cousin twice removed!” Yup! I think my mum discovered the beauty of free baby sitters. We’d drive to their place, and even before I have knocked or rung the door bell-she had burnt rubber and was practically inside the lift to her office. So each day or week, I’d be dumped in a different place! And I grew to realize that I had to adjust fast, learn to make jokes-it was mere survival. So bless all their hearts….if half a loaf was eaten with half a glass of milk-I’d sop away. If I was dropped off too early and they were asleep- I’d get in and sleep as well. If one had wet their bed-no comments were made. If all of a sudden they’d stop talking to you and make fan of fatty- I’d roll with the punches because tomorrow I’d be with some other cousins. If their loo was dirty, I learnt the art of clench and survive. If their food was near pathetic, palatably atrocious- I learnt how not to complain and the rule of larger spoonfuls shorter misery time. However sometimes the assumed the little porky was either greedy, or enjoyed the food so much and was shy to ask for more...and hence the above ruled was scrapped as I 'enjoyed' my second helping! Yup I was your regular chameleon fitting in like a glove.

Riding a bike: Remember the first time-after all that practice you finally managed to balance and ride it. You got used to that HARD seat in spite of your weight-you know!? you wondered who was riding who? Triumphed over wobbling and balancing. Even after all the scratches and bruises you had almost given up hope... but finally you did it. And neighbourhood kids clapped and whistled as you rode on that blue BMX! Well if you remember that, I’m sincerely happy for u because I was stuck on a tri-cycle!!!!!

Macmillan Library: For some strange reason the happening place to get dumped was in Macmillan Library. Ironically there’d be other similar kids and we’d form some form of Losers’ Club and make noise all day much to the consternation of the librarian in the kids section. We’d defile books by writing obscenities. Don’t ask me what pleasure we derived from scribbling perverse words. We’d share chuckles while staring at nude pictures of statues in Greek books. We’d carry holiday homework from “Questions and Answers” to “Four Skills” an of course “Primary Mathematics” We’d delve deep into the adventures of Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew super mysteries and Case Files-Oh and if you were blessed you'd have the double mysteries with everyone together in ONE book! For those that hadn’t graduated to such superior books, they were still stuck on Enid Blyton; Secret Seven, Famous Five… Funny enough none of us had a library card, not to mention the lack of books to borrow that were of interest. But, every morning we would bunch up together, the whispering would begin and so did the pranks. I wonder what ever happened to 2 brothers that used to come-each were preparing for exams. One was doing Std 8 the other Form IV exams.


Style:... with Elsa Klench... Woiye poor thing never saw that show getting cancelled. I’m still suffering from withdrawals form them canceling ‘Showbiz’ with Jim Moret and Lauren Sydney…but I digress.

Anyway, the topic was styling. The funny thing we were always in competition with our friends or with relatives. Try convincing me that the MJ-Thriller Red jacket I had was not ‘mtumba’ cause I was convinced I had the original!!!! And with the original jacket,I also believed I was endowed with the powers to DANCE… “cause this is thriller…thriller night…and no one’s gonna save you from the beast about to strike...” Yup, the chubby beast had borrowed 'The making of Thriler' and was let lose... all would run for cover…whoo woo thriller... thriller night…I could scare you more than any goon could ever dare try…

So, regardless of what style was in; from Dash Tracksuits, Asaki shoes, Nasty white Moccasins, Bermudas with air-jordan's, or high tops, stone wash jeans with a hood…you went through each phase like a rite of passage. Accompanying this were different hairstyles the likes of punk/box/fade/Jordan...and various walking swaggers a.k.a ‘bouncing!’

Different styles were emulated from Jefferson’s to the Miami Vice swing. Boy’s tried hard to have Bobby Brown’s attitude coupled with Coke’s ‘You can’t beat the real thing!’ Girl’s on the other hand were in control like Janet or got wild like Salt n Pepa.


Yup that sure was a blast from the past, therapy sure has helped...

25 Comments:

Blogger LifeMoments said...

LOL...

I truly needed that..

2/25/2006 7:15 PM  
Anonymous acolyte said...

I know flashbacks are fun lakini jameni this is too much!Next time you will be flashing back to hanging out in your mummy's womb and how nice it was there or how you beat those several million sperm to be the man you are today.
Is there something going on that I should know about?The loony bin is still open you know.......

2/25/2006 8:50 PM  
Anonymous Guessaurus said...

I read all that - laughing - damn man, u funny. How come the peeing in bed is more common with boys than girls at that age.

And if you were taken to your cousins, you joined them in sleep - that produced a giggle from me.

LOL@tricycle - at least you got that far, I didnt get past the first couple of lessons with a 'big bike' - still cant ride a bike to save my life.

This makes you sound soooo cuuuuttte - LOL dont you dare kick my backside Nicko you did this to yourself - it just is sooo ..er.. cute.

2/26/2006 1:49 AM  
Blogger Nakeel said...

Thanks for the laughter #3. This is mzuri..
loool at the left hand finger suckling chils from west..
And the free babysitters Nani kama mami..
The bicycle dont remind me ma bro lied to me that he is holding it for me only to roll and eat dust..
aaah good to have you back with big humour...

2/26/2006 1:03 PM  
Blogger Irena said...

but What a memory lane !!! You rock Nick ....

2/27/2006 3:52 AM  
Blogger Adrian said...

back with a bang, he?!

that second-last paragraph about style - dash, box, etc. - was just full of things from my past!

taking memoire's place when it comes to memories? hapo sana!

2/27/2006 6:44 AM  
Blogger KenyanMusings said...

LOL mara fifty NIcky, you had me LMBAO until I so broke a rib!
Woiye you. You must’ve been such a sweet thing…whatever happened? Huh Nicky? What went wrong?
LOL at the peeing in bed…. I can see ‘Hours later…by reflex one ka-eyeball opens up stat! Darts about frantically and suspiciously in the dark’….You juz mad.
LOL @ tri-cycle.
Tihihi, ato thumb sucking!! I tried, my mother healed it with a beating………
Ah! Style with Elsa Klench…whatever happened to that? Hmmm, will write a mail to CNN….
Thanks for the memories sweetie. Brilliant. This is a good start to my week. I hope you are back to stay now?

2/27/2006 8:51 AM  
Blogger Milonare said...

So late at 8th

Dayum dayum dayum

Ebu I see what you wrote about weeweeing in bed...

2/27/2006 10:59 AM  
Blogger Milonare said...

LOLOLOL

You chubby thing you!! Coochie coochie coo!!

Delaying urination during the day to strengthen them sphincters? LOLOL

I remember irrigating my jeans during the day coz I couldn't get that damn zipper open. And you know the way jeans take long to dry. Couldn't remove them coz - ya you guessed it - I couldn't get the damn zipper open $%#@!&!!!

Ati half loaf and half a glass of milk LOLOLOL

I remember we had a mboch with 2XL mammaries. We used to refuse to drink milk she gave us coz our suspicious minds assumed it was maziwa ya mboch...


LOLOL at fiddling the belly button (while aping nibbling a slice of mutton)

I used to suck my left thumb scratching my butt with the right hand... Let's just say that butt received a lot of scratching!!!

You tricycle rider you!!! LMAO

I would receive a bike handed down from 2 brothers, having been bought second hand, while neighbours were operating the latest BMX I had an early seventies chopper - with handlebars skewed to the right and chair worn down to metal from overuse!!!

Hahahahaha at Nickael Jackson you smooth criminal you!!

We had a ka-style called Ray Parker with an extra helping of hair at the back of the head. Woe unto you if your mum was cutting it for you using makasi!!! Enyewe can you spell uneven sand dunes at the back of head?

What a way to start my Monday
ROTFL!!!

2/27/2006 11:17 AM  
Blogger UARIDI said...

Welcome back youngstar.

2/27/2006 12:58 PM  
Anonymous m said...

So you were a bed wetter, eh? No wonder you still prefer dark trousers... Strategy eh?

And the best Showbiz Todays where hosted by Lauryn Sydney and Bella Shaw. Half those storeis just pitad jamaas on the side!

2/27/2006 2:17 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

oh goodness, was just asking someone just yesterday if they remembered style with elsa klench on saturday morning!! bikes...my red bmx!! that was a masterpiece...and try getting almost all the kids in the neighborhood onto that thing...we were artists in the making. great post!! love it love it love it!

2/27/2006 4:01 PM  
Blogger Joseph Walking said...

Style:... with Elsa Klench LOL nick aaah lol as for bobby brown my sis had a poster of the guy with box you jua the haircut with some crazy lines

2/27/2006 7:52 PM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

Yaani Nick,,he he he ..can you imagine i wet my bed for so long and nobody was willing to let me in their bed so my mum put us in those cot like beds!!

Yaani i have felt traumatized luckily i never sucked thumb so no pilipili on the hands.

Thanks for therapy Doc

2/28/2006 10:52 AM  
Blogger mama shady said...

childhood experiences!yani,sometimes you look back and you realize that you would have chekad 24/7 if you observed what you were doing!as chics yani, there was even the added style of bikers and tights,ama those hideous dresses with flowers and lace!your mum, pulling your hair into tight pony tails, that wouldnt last 5 minutes!mambos of 'cases' and drama at the age of 10!you boys had it easy!thanks for reminding us!twas extremely funny!

2/28/2006 4:18 PM  
Blogger Poi said...

Hhehehe. I can't agree more with part of the 'cousins' those were nasty!

I remember my best cousin now back then I loathed him. The boy would not let me as much as open my mouth to say anything before he yelled 'stop been ridiculous' yup that right there was my 1st enounter with the word. I disliked with all my heart going to my relaz houses. Loathed fam gatherings and refused to go. Well always ended up going as mom could have none of that. But now that I'm grown I live down/up the aftermath because up to date I hate going to anyone's house.

That was an intersting read, Gich boy!

2/28/2006 8:52 PM  
Blogger Brother Jero (BJ) said...

Nick you are a trip. Your recollection of those memories is still so real and I feel you on most of those. Keep well my friend.

2/28/2006 9:28 PM  
Blogger Whispering Inn said...

Ukienda hiatuses/haiti/hiatusi er..hiatus (credit Milo), julisha KBW unaporejea kublogi! Phew!
Now about that bed wetting, only you can make it hilarious! Folks would rather face lions than admit to er.... "involuntary leakage!"
The rest of the post and Milo's comment about makasi had me ROTFL!

3/01/2006 2:41 AM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

sphincter-Specialized muscles that control an opening, such as the anal sphincter

3/01/2006 2:52 PM  
Blogger Medusa said...

Nicholas, this was funny as hell.Every little bit..thanks for the memories.
LOL@ Milo and your in house dairy.

3/02/2006 5:50 AM  
Blogger strawberries are said...

McMillian, memory lane . Chillin' at the steps hoping the cute dude sitting four chairs from me looks my way. Thanks nice post.

3/02/2006 8:17 PM  
Blogger WM said...

Nick, you know, I was just about to get all grown up and take life seriously and then I read your blog and thought....naaaahhhhh!
I'm back in never-never land. Muchos gracias
WM

3/03/2006 5:57 AM  
Blogger Stunuh Jay said...

I couldn't help this. After our last conv. I just had to say....
You better watch out
You better look sharp
You better watch out cause it's coming about!
Ball drop i-s coming to town!!!!
Congratulations Man you've just grown closer to the droop. hehehehe

3/30/2006 8:27 PM  
Blogger La Femme Afrique said...

Hey Nick, Great content. You are hilarious! You forgot to mention Sparkle mag, (yes, I was a 90s kid) and the evolution of Jimmi Gathu from kids club host to master of 6:00pm coolness.
By the way, did anyone eat 'Pasuas" growing up? That was a mandazi stuffed with chips for KSh 5.
Just reminiscing.

3/07/2007 9:57 PM  
Anonymous m said...

In fact wacha Jim Moret -- remember when it was Lauryn Sydney and Bella Shaw. Maze hadi waleo the jury is still out on who was hotter

6/27/2007 8:44 AM  

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