Friday, April 21, 2006

Award Speech

The Sleeze crew is out on the red carpet interviewing the Blog celebrities on this auspicious occasion that is the Kaybee Night. It has been a crazy two weeks of voting and finally the night arrived. Finally the Academy of voters cast there votes, the People stated their choice and now the awaited results were out in a Golden Globe fashion. Awards were handed out by an array of KBW presenters. Winners were elated beyond words.

Everyone was dressed in obviously rented designer outfits and borrowed jewelry. Even the skeptics attended the show. Definitely, a first in KBW where bloggers united in anticipation, waiting to see who the winners were. Such solidarity! Such Loyalty! What a show!

A quick recap of the winners…here is the acceptance speech from Nick the winner of "Coolest Blogger."Unconfirmed sources say he broke down like an uncouth Halle Berry and undignified Gwenyth Paltrow. Somersaulted his porky proportions onto the stage like Cuba Gooding Jnr. kissing and groping a pleasantly surprised Kipepeo who presented the award to him. (Remember Adrian Brody?)

“Wow! I totally didn’t see that coming! It warms my heart and rekindles my spirits. Resets my thong and refreshes my loins! WoW! The word coolest has never been used on me. Humorous yes…but not Coolest. DAMN YOU MILO, BURN IN HELL! Entertaining yes…but not Coolest. DAMN YOU MSANII XL SCORCH IN HELL! But coolest wow! This brings back so many painful, repressed memories. Back to when I was a bi-spectacled, knock-kneed, roly-poly fat with acne kid dying to fit in… into the P.E shorts and swimming trunks…into swimming floaters…school play costumes. Wishing to be picked in the football team…Hoping to get invited to the best parties. Hoping to get love letters with scented perfumes and lovey dovey hearts…with a flirtatious R.S.V.P A.S.A.P. Instead of “Please give me your math homework NOW and don’t expect anything in RETURN!” (Breaking down) And now look at me now holding this Kaybee! (Holding back tears and raising one hand in the air like a swearing in ceremony.) I feel I have come of age… (Volley of tears!) I feel accepted. (Booing and Hooing.) This here is my party invite! (Sniff!) This here is my…sniff…scented love letter! (Sniff!) My fraternity Jacket! (Waving Kaybee in the air frantically!) This here is my contact lens and zit remover! My R.S.V.P! I am accepted…I am Loved…Appreciated…I exist and I’m noticed…and yes finally can say I am c…ccc…cool! I am part of the team…I fit in…sniff…I belong!

(Regaining composure…blood shot eyes…runny eyes...subtle make-up no longer subtle!)

Finally I would like to thank:
>The Academy.
>S! For introducing me to the world of blogging…thanks to you, you showed me the blogger. (Yelling!) Show me the blogger! Show me the blogger!
>Blogspot, my URL…you were the VESSEL through which this was possible.
>The dudes and babes that comprise KBW. The blog relations, yahoo chat rooms, meet ups, sms’s, emails…you know yourselves.
>G-Papa: For inviting the freaky geek into your ring. He knew this tadpole could turn into a fully fledged Frog.
>Sleeze crew: Lequita for being quiet!
>To Princess Leia and Yoda (wink) a.k.a Wifey and Onty…for being there right from the start always with a helping hand…never too far away. May the force be with you!
>To the Vote-Recounters from Dade, Florida. Thank you for ensuring each pregnant, dimpled, dented chad voted my way!

Thank you all. Mariah Carey Rules. MJ will have a BIG comeback next year! 24 rocks!..."

Yes that was Nick’s speech at the award ceremony. We will have an exclusive on the Post Award Party…after we get through some legal technicalities sorted out for Lequita-once her withstanding restraining orders are lifted she will report live from Party.

We here at Sleeze News would like to congratulate each and every winner: Thinker, Mental, Mshairi, MJY, Milo, Guess, Msanii, Ms K, Kenyan Pundit, Maitha and Ndesanjo. Big ups to all of you!!!!!!


Anonymous Obi Wan:) said...


It's like a dream come true, no?

Congratulations, my dearest nephew. I am incredibly proud of you.

4/21/2006 9:00 PM  
Blogger nick said...

@Yoda: or no ur not changing to Obi...ha i stole ur speech Onty! thanks

4/21/2006 9:03 PM  
Anonymous Wifey Leia said...

Why is Yoda masquerading as Obi Wan? done good

4/21/2006 9:15 PM  
Blogger gishungwa said...

Number 3 not bad.. no nick you dont to read

4/21/2006 9:21 PM  
Blogger gishungwa said...

Congratulations my a$$, yaani oyu doubted that you are cool like thur....

4/21/2006 9:27 PM  
Blogger Farmgal said...

coolest blogger...I believe and I voted. congrats kiyana (its been a minute since I used that on you)
Now dry them eyes my dear!

4/21/2006 9:33 PM  
Blogger Msanii_XL said...

ha ha lardy boy..congrat you foo'

4/21/2006 10:01 PM  
Blogger Adrian said...


congrats man!

4/22/2006 5:08 AM  
Blogger kritik said...


4/22/2006 7:13 AM  
Anonymous The Paparazzo said...

Standing ovation, all cameras focusing on you & yes!! many congrats bro and you sure are worthy of that Koolest of the Kool Blog Award!!

That acceptance speech will be televised but with lots of edits for all the curse words you were hurling.

4/22/2006 10:00 PM  
Anonymous The Paparazzo said...

And who are the booing & hooing the koolest blogger as he gives his acceptance speech? That ain't one bit kool now, is it?

4/22/2006 10:05 PM  
Anonymous Daud El Rude said...

Puhhleeeeeez!!!!!!!!!!!!!,ati fat boy slim(emphasis on fat!) got an award as the coolest blogger! Goodness, the KBW standards are really dropping! Guys!!! get it together!!!this sets a precedent that puts KBW on a (very) slippery slope towards mediocrity!

I suggest that in 2007 edition, there should an option for one to vote against a nominee.Like, I don't know,say....... the winner of the 2006 coolest blogger!

Fatso, thats what you get for not telling me Ms.K(Hi Ms.K) would be at the last Seance!(a.k.a Meet Up)

Daud El Rude(Sometimes, when I am a asleep, I wish I was like Niko... and then I wake up from the nightmare!)

4/23/2006 8:33 PM  
Anonymous AfroM said...

Congrats Nick! Here is some kleenex! :)

Daud its been over a year and some of us are still waiting for yr blog. izzao?

4/24/2006 2:58 AM  
Blogger Acolyte said...

Congrats man!You earned it!

4/24/2006 4:57 AM  
Blogger tomas said...

aaaah!! get over it man
but seriously congrats

4/24/2006 7:55 AM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

Congrats you cool thing. For that you get a full kuku straight from Kakamega.

4/24/2006 8:17 AM  
Blogger Wangu said...

Loved your speech ... kumbe you're not all macho?

Congratulations Mister. Well deserved

4/24/2006 12:47 PM  
Blogger Mocha! said...

wee Nick wewe?! Ati you shindad Coolest Blogger? Wacha I kuja that Nairofi we see kweli if you are cool and you deserve that acolade!


On a serious note.....CONGRATS!

Cool speech! ROTFLMAO!

4/24/2006 2:52 PM  
Blogger Poi said...

*Still figuring how i got here so late*

Hheheh what are you Gich boy? like a loose nut? maa all can't be right with you in there hehehhe, that speech, how can an award be so many things eh? zit cleanser aka scented love ltr aka fraternity brothers jacket aka R.S.V.P A.S.A.P tell me how you think up such? ROFTLOL I'm laughing so hard hehehehhehe. Thanks for making my monday a tad better

See why you so deserved and are every bit worth the award? coz you're the coolest!

Have a beautiful week!

4/24/2006 10:34 PM  
Blogger s! said...

congrats!! you are one of the cool kids now. hopefully now you'll get a fly babe and a smooth dinga.. hehe :-P

4/25/2006 1:03 AM  
Blogger kritik said...

def. cool.
twas nice meeting the bloggers

4/25/2006 9:16 AM  
Blogger Whispering Inn said...

Congratulations, Nick!
I knew you Hollywood-types have to make big effervescent speeches - LOL!

4/25/2006 9:40 PM  
Blogger kelitu said...

23 is the new 1st. LMAO! hey holla...

4/27/2006 12:13 AM  
Blogger sandman said...

I haven't been gone that long, have I? I can't believe I missed all that.

4/28/2006 7:14 PM  
Blogger kittens said...

congratulations dear. but you forgot the smile and gentle wave. that speech is worth a million bucks. way to go

5/01/2006 12:34 PM  
Blogger Brother Jero (BJ) said...

I join you in congratulating all the winners.

Well Done..

5/01/2006 11:45 PM  
Anonymous Nursey said...

If i wasnt AWOL I woulda demanded a recount - you coolest blogger (Milo, come out and help me babe) I dont believe it - you with your monocle a la Captain Jack Sparrow, and big tummy. You with your sandals and socks - you with your fleece in summer - you with your college boy trousers and white shirt - you with your fanta orange and chips - you with your sugarcane and roast maize chewing a$$ - you with your.... OK ok, I had to make you look bad, but i dont suppose its working.

Tihihihi - congratulations Loonie Nambari Moja - I will ensure you get a couple more pills to come you down.

Will you forgive me for covertly coming in and out - I promise to write you a letter and send it by snail mail next time round...

5/02/2006 1:10 PM  
Anonymous Guessaurus said...

@Daud el rude - what happened to your blog. Or the lack thereof - I will collect enough loonies to bully you into starting one.

5/02/2006 1:12 PM  
Blogger Milonare said...

LOL at the Halle Berry acceptance and at Daud's comment


Well in Nick! Kudos etc etc

But take back this Fanta and pass me some booze!!!!!!

5/05/2006 9:42 AM  

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