Sunday, June 18, 2006

A night via K-street!

Nick had actually gone on retirement and as Bankelele was saying living off my pension. Seriously, only Tato was remaining,. I am going through some stuff right now, and my blogging addiction has been affected…but so help you Shiroh I am not undergoing Blogging Atrophy or Blogal Menopause or Blog Impotence.LMAO…Shiroh has in lack of a better word, begged me for a beat down…she has served me papers summoning me to SORT HER out fair and square….NGOJA tu…As Saitoti would say…WATCH MY STEPS! There come a time!

So my dear old pal S! and Aco tagged me some time back…manze you guys don’t know the meaning of Pax. As in I’m not playing! Sijiskii…sijifeel...sitaki...usually that was always a result of it being your “he” or rather u being “IT” all the time and was too fat to chase the other kids so come break time… come lunch time… come home time… come August holidays you always went home being “it!” Not fun I tell you!

Fulfiling a sixth of the tag, here is one weird fact that happened yesterday and may it not be used against me in a court of law. Remember I am Nick the Freak …that rhymes and also fits in with geek!

So my cousin came over to visit. He is uni outside Nbi… he is 25 yrs old and I had mentioned him earlier in an early post and had refered to him as “the idiot!

There we are looking for cheap thrills of amusement…and my definition of cheap is no cash needed...remember I’m the asocial type-kinda like parallel to the norm. As always I get my TATO on we watch Omen at 9 pm (damn it has some scary split second moments-GADDAMN!)

On our way home we decide to pass by K-street. Yes, it happens to be enroute if you take a couple of detours, deviations and roundabouts off your main course! Anyway…usually we always do them driveby’s and giggle with glee…pointing and clapping like seals screaming “ Oui! Oui! oui! oui! oui!” But this time he wanted to stop and ask about the rates. Now it was easy for him to suggest this-it wasn’t his car that would be spotted on those KTN features and he wasn’t the one driving … "he was just sitting there by the passenger’s side trying to holla at them…

I was apprehensive about the whole idea, but I’m always game for a good prank. (Is that what I’m calling it?) We spot one and I coolly, calmly make a slow stop the way I have seen it done in the movies, and you know I've watched plenty. She wasn’t impressed by this so-called act of suave! I stop the car; he rolls down the window and propositions her to come a lil bit closer. She doesn’t take the bait she is seated on those half-posts…probably it’s been a long night for her...she wasn’t budging. (Probably she was numb from the post-who know's. Have you ever tried sitting on those concrete posts and even try look comfy?) All this time I’m pretending I ain’t even in the car…not to mention looking at the rear view mirror, side mirror…sides…windshield…I knew I was getting busted by cops for soliciting on my way to hell! “I’m too pretty to go to hell! Too young to go to jail" ...or is it the other way round?

So there she was all nonchalant, actually a better word is unmoved…evidently she had done this before. “Sema?” she threw back!

Idiot looks at me, I cough, fidget and adjust the rear view mirror, blushing internally, externally and inferiorly.

He mans up and says “How much is it for the whole night?” (What the hell?) Evidently he had done this before. (HA!) She thinks out loud “5 thou!”

We both swallow hard! Obvious we hadn't thought things through! “Ok buh-bye…” is all she must have heard as I drove off like a lil biatch…We were laughing so hard and all of a sudden I stopped getting scared…we devised a tag team way of questioning /harassment so as to avoid future awkward moments. Game plan fixed-we were ready to go, we drove round the likes Moi Avenue, Mama Ngina Street etc etc and had a few revelations of our own.

It’s funny how I had stereotyped them before…but I came to discover that they are on the street simply for the money-to them it’s not a game, it never was. They have self respect-even if you may doubt that! There were things they were not willing to do.

Now, if this was a Ms KMutsaurus squad’d have gotten to know what they were adamant on not doing...the mountains that were too high or the oceans too deep... One said even for a Maissonette she wouldn’t kubali. “She would do anything for cash…but she won’t do that!” It sure was a contradiction…but interesting to know they had boundaries.

All-nighters were ranging from 30000 to the aforementioned 5000. But, most were not willing to “retire early” One shot was going for 500/= and for a 100/= you could take a quick peek at the ‘good girl’ (Don't believe i stole a line from Grey's Anatomy!) I think two guys in a car would scare most chicks...cause they insisted they don’t do threesomes and would suggest calling a friend of theirs. “Ala huyo mwingine ata kuwa wapi?” “Ebu nikuambie…” this one was kind hearted and was schooling us on the tricks of the trade “...hakuna dame ata kubali mmkiwa wawili, itisha tu manzi mwingine kila mtu awe na wake”

Now that is a revelation right there! Hmm. Yaani, if this was a research I had my info right there and then…I’m telling you all that was missing was pen and paper…she was gonna tell us her life story.

Funniest moments:

-my ka-moti has a tint so whenever one would come to the window at the passenger's side they’d keep peeping suspiciously at the back seat to make sure the back seat was empty, losing concentration. Heck in the first few stages I was so well hidden UNDER the chair they’d wonder who the hell was driving!

-Some ghetto ones kept yelling that their one shots are the best. Then when we declined over cash… they were like “ok, basi, tupatie lift mpaka hapo juu tumechoka!” Trying to open the locked back door…Have you ever driven off a parked car starting with gear two???????

-we inadvertently approached the same group of chicks twice. They were hustling a car with foreigh plates, then when it dorve off they came running towards us…when they reached near, they recalled us and they dismissed us! Damn it! Not the other way round! “Hawa wako na upuzi!”

-there was a japanese cutie...who was running helter skelter

-another one had the legs of a roomate of mine "mwangi is that you?"


-there was a lecturer of ours who did a study on something to do with oral sex prevalence among sex workers. She had dressed up as one of them and she had discovered that that is a very sad world…I agree! Most of them don’t like being there yet they are. It’s all about survival the best way how! Which begs the question why on earth would you be doing something you hate doing? Something you think is demeaning?

-some were well mannered and polite. Perhaps their mama raised them right perhaps they were good in PR and Customer Care? What is that line form City High "...what's a girl gonna do when she has a kid at home who's crying all alone and the only way to fed him is to sleep around for a lil bit of money and the daddy's gone...."

-As much as we laugh at them or think they are just plain easy and skanky and nasty…deep down they are lost and I took pity on them. They may act lewd showing off their “supermarket” (yup that’s a new word) but it takes a person of low-self respect/esteem/worth to put themselves out there like that subject to pranksters like us…cops…clients who beat them up and run off without paying ..Diseases…

There was nothing glorifying about what they do! Sure, there is a need or is it demand for their services –but what actually puts them out there on the streets, scantily clad, waiting for something they are dreading to do…defeats me.

-On the other hand it’s not only good to blame the suppliers but the consumers. (You can tell economics is not my forte) Each party is to blame. How on earth you would pick one up is beyond me as well. No excuse can justify it…not "one-night stands bila commitment…not even a dare…not even the devil made me do takes 2 losers to tango in such a pathetic dancefloor.

So if you happen to drive by K-street this weekend…LOL…look out for the light chick in green…kidding…look at them different! Look at the whole scenario different!

Haiya when did this post turn into a post with a message? Anyway, bottom line is that was a cheap thrill we had that proved to have a teaching behind it!


Blogger Kenyangal said...


6/18/2006 11:21 AM  
Anonymous guessaurus said...

Hi Nick, was wondering where you had gone to.

And yes, you are too pretty to go to jail - hahahahahahahahaha.

And you got a coscience? YOU!
Anyway, I agree with you about it being desperation that drives people to K-street and other such parts. It has nothing to do with sex. But they must be the strongest brand of women around. I mean, the odds of being raped, beaten, killed, gang-raped etc are more than a wham bam thank you ma'am here is your twenty!

6/18/2006 12:54 PM  
Blogger Prousette said...

You are definitely a nutter to go ahead and ask for a whole nighter.
Now I have an idea of the price, not that it is going to help my life...
Why did you refuse to give here a lift after all no one was watching you? Those concrete posts are made that way so no one can sit on them and get comfy, you know the way nairobians would just make them their place of choice to rest so you tell your buddy si you meet me on the tenth post on koinange street.
Both the customer and supplier should be arrested if any fairness is to be maintained thoug I think the trade should be legalised since it will not be going away soon but with all the hypocrisy around that will remain a pipe dream.

6/18/2006 1:16 PM  
Blogger Farmgal said...

Hi Babyface too pretty to go to jail aka pangani or central police station. At some point I thought you got nicked ...
Hope all is well with you, if its not then it will be.

Very deep post. You cant help but feel sorry for these gals.

6/18/2006 1:19 PM  
Blogger dangerously_shy said...

Haki its been a minute since I laughed like this, do you have any idea how wierd it looks to outsiders when a woman is crying with laughter on her own??!!

What a brilliant post, funny yet carries a message..I for one feel for prostitutes sana, especially in this society where women are regarded only as mother/holdy wife and prostitutes are considered a necessary curse. This contempt is clearly exhibited by today's casual attitude whereby its not as bad as it is to kill a prostitute than it is a mother of two.

Well done to Shiroh for shocking you out of retirement, sasa now vile im a loyal 'Tato fan, im torn..luckily for you im not exactly against threesomes tee hee..

ps- Did i read one of the rates right? eti 30k for one night of mwenjoyos, halalala thats a downpayment for a plot...

**sighs** haki im in the wrong profession

6/18/2006 8:29 PM  
Anonymous acolyte said...

I'm in the top 10 for once!Now to read this way over due post!

6/18/2006 9:50 PM  
Anonymous acolyte said...

30,000/= for one night!!!!!Kwani how good are those strokes?!!!!!Ama it was a scare tactic by the mama to get rid of ya'll?
I will know that it wasnt your day when your moti shows up on the KTN special feature about prostitution!
Anyway those exploration laps down K-street were a right of passage for every young lad.Yup a moti full to dudes who have never seen such things in their lives, but I knew a family who when their daughters started acting up put them in the car and drove them down the street telling them if they carried on they way they were going that is where they would find themselves in a few years.Rest assured those mamas behaved after that ride!
But it is indeed a sad fact that people have to resort to prostitution to make a living.Especially with the state of the Kenyan economy.But can we blame the economy when their are also hookers in first world countries too?
BTW:I hope that trip isn't the first of many down K-street in the future!

6/18/2006 10:01 PM  
Blogger nick said...

Kgal:heee heee ebu come back here hakuna cha bailin that fast

Guessy:i'm tellin u this chikcs havet there senses on high alert...snifing out for cops...and i think once u make an oral agreement(pun intended) they are willin to take risk

Prousette:Ati where were my manners in refusing to give them a lift LOL...hey then they leta drama in ur moti mpaka u have to pay them to get off...u start bargainin "si nikupatie soo mbili utoke..."

Farmgal:i hope all will be well as well, thanks

D-shy:ebu first i do a celebratoryjig for gracing Spidey with ur presence. As for shiroh hope u will be there for her when im thru with her...I'm tellin u 30 k and she'll rock u till sunRISE

Aco:I'm tellin u kwanza with the way KTN are poor at concealing number shot they'll have the right half showing and the other shot the right half showin hahahaha

Oh there'll be plenty of drive-by's but not stop-by's

6/19/2006 4:50 AM  
Blogger UARIDI said...

Nice to see you back - for how long?

I will not comment - (Aunty in the house)

Take care

6/19/2006 6:50 AM  
Blogger Shiroh said...

Sema kila kitu Nick before nitoboe. Ati you didnt take the gals to the hostels before beating them to leave in the morning without pay?

Pretty to go to Jail, who are you kidding!!!

6/19/2006 8:12 AM  
Blogger bankelele said...

some research is too risky to undertake. You can get a lawyer to hush up an arrest, but there's no way to erase a KTN/NTV broadcast of two dudes picked up for soliciting on K-street. Great work & info. Now your next mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to find out about the 'posh' side of that business, said (according to the saturday nation) to take place in mansions & massage parlours around hurlingham and kilimani

6/19/2006 8:32 AM  
Anonymous Ms K said...

Evil spawn!! You ruined Grey's Anatomy for me!!

I don't feel like making serious comments today. Great post. I burst out at the thought of YOU (put emphasis on that word) under a car seat. YOU? HOW?

LOL I'm so going to hell for that one!

Yiiiiiiiihaaaaaaaa that's a brilliant proposal from Banks. PLEASE do it!

6/19/2006 10:52 AM  
Blogger KenyanMusings said...

Hi Pretty boy. Damn right yes!
You is too amu to go to hell you.

Yaani, LMAO, mara fifty, me I am jet spraying on meself. Very valid post lakini, yu rasie some serious issues, so cheers.

You did what? You Nick? I told you you are too good to be true. aki next time can I come....haki have you ever seen how those mamis potea when cops come in their landrover? LMAO, halafu, they call cops eti "condom"...eti, you will just hear one shriek "condom!" and the street is clean wewe. I know, ny vitrue of a certain project did me....let me just clarify, mbele you come there next weekend, roll down the window and go "KM, is that you?"

sasa....LMAO. LOOOOL@ that post got me down eti, vile that dude has miguus like for Mwangi. Tihiiii,

You are so back Nick....with a Bang!!! you never really left.

Lmao. Eti 'pax'....tehehehe. Like those watus who rae playing then, when you are alsmot shikaring them they go "paxi, I have hurt my foot". Sasa now what's that? ama....amaaaa, when its their turn to chase they go "Paxi, mathee is calling me unajua nitachapwa juu ya kucheza kwa giza?"....LMAO, washana na mimi and my cheap jokes.

Hmmmm, good to have you back Nick.

*KM walks away still jet spraying**

6/19/2006 11:10 AM  
Blogger Nakeel said...

So when mum was looking for you you were cross lapping from River road to K serious..
Pritt kama ungeenda cell ungetoboa yote kwa meeting..
Tangible post #3 with serious issues..
LOL at KM u get there as a passenger the girls will throw you out and tuanga u with kiatu..

6/19/2006 12:03 PM  
Blogger nick said...

@uaridi:hey nice to see u around

@Bankelele:interesting i will take up that mission and get back to u guys

@Ms K: keep the jokes comin..very fine line u and shiroh are ice skating on

@KM:hahaha ur a funny one as well...wah u have ridden of and made a great post on tim e u can come...i can act like i had picked u up and we're looking for a third girl

@#4:hee hee ur too young to be readin this as well

6/20/2006 6:07 PM  
Anonymous Daud El Rude said...

Fatso,as you said "it takes 2 losers to tango in such a pathetic dancefloor."

How many people were there in the car? I rest my case!

Now for those of you who want to know what really went 'down' on K street, keep it locked right here( as the youngins say).More to come later.

Daud El Rude( I wonder if Nicko met Colonel Angus.I heard he(Colonel Angus) likes going down south!(stolen from SNL))

6/21/2006 8:20 PM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

looking forward to the findings of bankelele's challenge....and i also heard that the ones like at pavement....if you dont look like ur dripping cash they don't even look at you!! great post. I agree...its easy to dismiss them as just pro's, but we have to try look at the bigger picture.

6/21/2006 11:44 PM  
Anonymous m said...

LOL! Ati 30k? Unless she also finds missing socks, paints the hao, mows the lawn, kills all the mosquitoes, bakes a Black Forest, balances the budget and does my taxes!

6/22/2006 5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see those girls on a daily basis and right outside the estate (ati uta-visit?) Ha. I pass them on my way to the office and one girl actually said hi the other day. I answered and smiled at her and funny, it shocked her...she said for God to bless me and just for the smile? They are so used to being ignored or insulted.

I wondered what would have driven her to that trade. It is easy to judge and not like them much but the sad truth is, it could be you. They did not necessarily choose to be there....and if they did, well, it is a really tough life.

I know that not all of them are disadvantaged in do I know this? I worked in a hostel and saw some of them turn to the trade. They came from good families but walked with the wrong crowd...peer pressure!!! They dropped out of school for the easy money/ fun life. It turned out to be expensive coz of the wasted time, esteem, beauty, the shame, u name it,and some just couldn't give it up.

Speaking of peer pressure, there is glorification of sex and especially among women. If you doubt me go back to the blogs and study them. Then listen to women changing notes...u'd think it is getting out of fashion or they just discovered it. Ama they do it alone (though some are actually doing it) Yuk! It is sickening and I know I speak for many. Can we get some intelligent posts from the women around the blogs?

Anyway, back to the main topic. My heart goes out to the women on the streets. They are pretty and deserving of all the good things life has to offer.

Nick pole sana for mis-using your blog.

6/23/2006 10:56 AM  
Blogger kipepeo said...

wawawawaaaaaaa!! nickybooooooooooooo this has got to be the mutha of all templates!!! hail spidey!!! dayum!! im loving it loving it loving it!!

6/24/2006 5:00 AM  
Blogger Kagz said...

For the HOT template...2 Thumbs Up!!!

Me also a fan of Spidey.

6/25/2006 4:53 PM  
Blogger Udi said...

daddy- just sema u okotad. No one here will tell. but for 30k, she better move in for a decade

7/19/2006 3:38 AM  
Anonymous said...


11/02/2006 10:53 PM  
Anonymous said...


11/02/2006 10:53 PM  
Anonymous said...


11/02/2006 10:54 PM  

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