Wednesday, November 30, 2005


B is for the best that happens to be from BabyFace

Now if you love rythmn and blues…slow jam…this is a name you must be familiar with. Kenneth Edmonds a.k.a Babyface. Quickly summarizing, he is to say the least, a ten time Grammy award winner as a Singer/Songwriter/Producer and by golly a hell of a back-up vocalist and a mean acoustic guitar/keyboard player.

We talk of powerhouses of legends in history pertaining to certain fields. I like to say Jerry Bruckheimer belongs to movies. Diane Warren makes killer movie soundtracks and those tear-jerking songs. The likes of Aaron Spelling and remember Stephen J. Cannell who made TV programmes like they should be. And then there is BABYFACE in music! As Mariah is the greatest female singer of our time, M.J favorite musician of all time, Boyz II Men best RnB gropu of all time...then BabyFace is the greatest song-writer and producer of our time!!!

In his career he has co-worked with L.A Reid now the Arista Boss. Back then they formed the record label LaFace…and it’s from this label they spun out hits hotter than tea straight from a sufuria in the kiosk outside you workplace!!! I’d also like to credit his fellow co-writer and some times co-producer Darryl Simmons. However the post is on Babyface only. But with regards especially to their earlier works they revolutionalised RnB and created classics as we watched.

Now many of you may be clueless on the influence he has had in R&B, he has won 3 consecutive Producer of the Year Grammy awards and shared one with L.A Reid in 1992 and with the Bodyguard Producing team. He solely won song of the year for I’ll make love to you and Shoop…Exhale…and shared again for End of the Road. He won best RnB performance for When can I see u again. Record of the Year for Eric Clapton’s Song Change the World just to name but a few Grammies without having to go into thousand other awards. On two years he led the Grammy award nominations list and at one time had 4 of his songs nominated for best songs in one category for best song in a motion picture.

In movie know he was part of the Bodyguard soundtrack producing Team…He wrote all the songs for Waiting to Exhale, and Soul Food soundtrack need I say more. Wrote for Bad Boys-Someone to Love done by Jon B. Get on the Bus-theme song was by Michael Jackson. Could u forget- Last Night for Nutty Professor. Prince of Egypt he produced When you believe. Also played similar role Preacher’s Wife, Josey and the Pussycats, Ghost Busters 2 soundtrack.

He has also had 119 top-10 R&B and Pop hits, 47 Number One R&B hits, 51 top-10 Pop hits, including 16 Number One Singles, and single and album sales exceeding 100 million. He has written and produced songs for scores of pop music superstars, among them Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Madonna, Eric Clapton, Michael Jackson, Toni Braxton, Celine Dion, Aretha Franklin, TLC, Mary J. Blige, Brandy, Boyz II Men, 'N Sync, Tevin Campbell, Az Yet, After 7, Bobby Brown, KCi & Jojo, Johnny Gill, Brandy, Patti LaBelle, Vanessa Williams, Shanice….name it he has worked with them.

When discussing his songs where can one begin…what makes his songs tick? Could it be his remarkable penship? I’m not exactly a mushy mushy kinda guy but I’m the kinda guy who loves singing along and there is nothing as delicious as singing along to super lyrics. I think what does it most for me are his lyrics…then the instrumentation and the overall song. And if you guys have never noticed he does some mean Back-up vocals...and once you train your ear to identify his voice, then you will truly know a Babyface song.

Now I shall not go into all his works, I shall select but a few of his works that happen to be the best of the best from the best.

Babyface: Without a doubt Seven Seas and When will I see you again are his best songs-let’s not get started with that guitar... Best albums For the Cool in You followed too closely by The Day as well. When u have songs like Rockbottom/Never Keeping Secrets/For the Cool in You/When you body gets weak ft Boyz II Men/The Day/Every time I close my eyes…

If you don’t know the lyrics to his songs you better ask somebody! Trust me get a song like Rockbottom and see how he works a simple story in the lyrics…in fact Simple Days uses the simplest technique in story telling and trust me that’s all a good song requires…and they call R.Kelly a writer he who rhymes like a nursery school child. Surely can you compete with songs like Whip Appeal? Loneliness?

Whitney Houston: Most of his work with her has been in collaboration with L.A Reid and Darryl Simmons, but, I’m your Baby Tonight is down right funky. But Shoop Shoop is her best song to date-solely written and produced by none other than him. Did u know Shoop Shoop came about when he run out of words? He also worked with her in the Preacher’s Wife Soundtrack…and co wrote Miracle.

Madonna: Breathtaking. Auuuuui! Take a Bow…ever heard the back up vocals on that song…mmm! mmm! mmm! It was definitely Madonna ft Babyface. Now those two should work together!

T.L.C: Baby Baby Baby! Red Light Special! Diggin’ on you! Hands Up (u had hoochies everywhere, all on you, it’s like I almost didn’t know u, trying to shake that ass, player, you don’t even dance sup wit u…)

Boyz II Men: I’ll make love to you! Waters run Dry! Mama! Just Hold On and Never from Evolution Album. And their best song ever End of the Road which was a collaboration with L.A Reid. Note End of the Road spent 13 weeks #1 while I’ll make love to you spend 14 weeks. I think his best work has been with Boyz II Men…even with the lesser and later Colors of Love
Let me repeat this Just Hold On( i swear that everything will be alright i know that your nervous baby give it some time things will go your way) does justice to Babyface and Boyz II Men.

Tevin Campbell: Always in my heart is my all time favorite of his…and I’m readyCan we talkCould you learn to love. Need I delve deeper?

Jon B: Someone to love, Pretty Girl

Toni Braxton: Another sad love song( come the stringsthen somebody sings only takes one note and then it starts killing me darlin) Breathe Again, You are making me high her best songs. Breathe Again is my all time favorite of Toni! She who is the first lady of LaFace had been quoted saying that so long as she is releasing albums there will always be a BabyFace song! Without a doubt Secrets and Toni Braxton were the bomb cause of his influence.

Mariah Carey: Melt Away, can make you melt away! Ngai fafa! If you have that single whip it out and listen to it full volume as you crouch in a corner pensively reminiscing.( You come to me with a casual flow, and suddenly my defenses start to go, when you talk to me in that sensual tone, it envelopes me and I lose my self control, and baby I just melt away, fall like rain...) Give me a moment to recompose myself! Also I’ll never forget you- the way their voices play with each other is like heaven packaged on a CD. Harmonising, synchronising, pure vocal unison! Even their duet “Every time I close my eyes
(Note: my all time favorite Mariah is Love takes time followed by Melt Away then… Can’t Let Go…then all the rest)

Usher: The soul shaking ballad BedTime with Shanice( craving your body all throught the night feels like am goin thru withdrawals...whenever am near you my love just comes down) And Slow Jam with Monica.

Az Yet: their whole first album was pure influence. From Saved for someone else, I don't wanna be lonely

Dru Hill: we’re not making love no more

Vanessa Williams: she has never been taken seriously as an artist. Her Sweetest days Album had some serious Babyface work and i believe is her best work to day.

Bobby Brown: Where would he be without the LaFace team; Good enough. Tender Roni…and we all remember Don’t be Cruel and Every Little Step

Johnny Gill: Let’s get the mood right-you can hear Babyface right there in the background. And definitely don’t you agree lyrics to My My My are a force to reckon with?

Faith Evans: My all time favorite song is “Never gonna let you go” reminds me of a very trying time during my first year exams.

After7: Till you do me right and I only think of you on Two Occasions that’s day and night.

Milestone: I care about you

Karen White: We all remember “early in the morning I put your breakfast on your table” “secret rendezvous” “Can I stay with you

At the end of the day one can’t describe BABYFACE songs…learn to pick them out, listen and sing along. Take e.g All the things I should have known by KCi and Jojo and hear him in the background…damn right that’s Babyface! Ever realise he was in by Luther, you can hear him in thebackground, co-written with Jon B and Luther. Versatile enough to pen Knocked out by Paula Abdul. Have I Never by A few Good Men....all BABYFACE!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Tough Potty Time

The post has been done with funny contributions from the one and only, bro#2, my main man roomie and shall be highlighted in green.It's a journal of very trying times...that I am sure you will experience within the next two months. My wish is when you go through that then, you remember me through thick and thicker, through clenched cheeks/fists/armpits and curled toes!

You know its tough potty time, when:

-it’s been such a long time you have forgotten what THE feeling of urgency is…and when it comes like after a week…you start checking for vitals thinking that the end has come...maybe it’s a fever? Flu? That backed up feeling had become the norm, you had become one with bloating... that’s when it hits you that it’s not a symptom of new disease you just need some potty time.

-your blood is pulsating faster than your respiration, which is faster than the beads of sweat popping from your brow, which are drip-dropping faster than the speed at which you are blinking for you realize you have been missing in action for 30 minutes from work/class/friends place and it was your turn to play the playstation…or lock up!

-you start swaying side to side…first slowly…then speed is increased proportionately to a certain intra-abdominal pressure…and you are almost succeeding till the over rocking causes a crack in the weak link of a certain ‘chain’ and you have to start rocking the boat all over again.

-speaking of pressure…u can never increase it by holding your hands akimbo!

-nor by trying to squeeze just below your diaphragm.

-hoisting your legs onto the seat isn’t a bad idea…what’s a bad idea is your feet competing for space with your very tired and tried cheeks.

-you realize that keeping knees together like a Girl-scout may help!

-Above Girl Scout technique coupled with:
> bending over like those airplane survival manouvres
>bending like you wanted to dive into a pool cleanly
>bending forward like you had just popped off your contact
happen to work just fine.

-you only let air out of all orifices mouth, nose, ears etc except the one relevant derriere

-the pile up of mnyambo behind manenos is like traffic jam occasioned by mat stopping in middle of road

-attempts to operate colon as an accordion yield no musical harmony??

-when it comes out hard and dry almost with a smoking pop (coke bottle style) sound effect with a whistling yet thunderous after sound indicating all is clear. Fast you have a too fast too furious launch then a careless whisper or a rude burp to ascertain all is well.

-at times its so dry u may not even need to wipe for u have been left cleaner…obviously waxed…some skin may even be missing!

-it’s so dense and heavy it flushes itself!

-or cascades a tidal reflux that even the moon’s gravitational pull would envy!

-or dents the bottom like some form of anchor launched by the titanic!

-it tries your patience. Where after a successful 1minute push an inch emerges…and since you are completely fragile and weak…exhausted and tormented… and cannot go the long 10 inches…you give up and give in and cut it off at that 1 inch…and you know it’s a terrible mistake as you make it. Cause u know with less volume means more pressure which u cannot afford so you wipe up and remain with 9 inches for another day.

-as roomie would say you remain with a SORE RED spot!

-you come out triumphant and smiling! Light on your feet like some ballerina walking on their toes with a tutu! You’re practically singing in the rain! Pulling James Brown moves “watch out now!”

-after all is said and done…nothing emerges…the spirit is willing but the body doesn’t play that whole camel going through the eye of a needle!!! u just stand up re-dress and people are wondering why you took so long and then you didn’t have the courtesy to flush the loo or wash your hands…if only they knew.

-You have been there for such a long time pushing…that you pee once and it’s been so long in there you eventually pee again!

-inadvertent sounds don’t include those of pushing...but those that could be termed as midway between yelping and howling like a wounded coyote caught between a rock and a hard place!

-anatomy changes after a rearrangement of tissues and veins. A complex purple web of superficial veins criss-cross the touché re-defining varicoses and haemorrhoids!

Saturday, November 05, 2005


Just in case, you are new to the KBW SLEEZE crew. They are fictional journalists that debuted in another war back then that deal primarily with cheap sleaze. Now just thought I'd stir things up a little since its been quiet of late... with nothing but cheap humor at everyone's expense!
T=Tyrone and L=Lequita

T:Welcome to the KBW Rumor News RoundUp. I am the fly guy on the microphone, rugged like an ice cream cone, the one and only Tyrone. On my right here is our Latina Chiquita, Lequita , and we’re filling in for you regular anchor with the unshaven bush-Mutush .
L:Wasssup peeps, its your Ghetto-fabulous, firm ass, street smart diva up in the studio ready to spill some 411 on all y’all! You better sit tight coz I sure as hell will represent with the low down from your town.
T:You heard the braided sister. Today, we gonna round up what’s been happening around. Why have people gone all silent? And we’re gonna release some rumors going on…cause here on Sleeze News we deal only with real sleaze, straight up, made up drama, so hide you mama, cause manure's gonna blow up like Osama was a farmer!
L:So where do we start?
T:We can start with Nick’s Blog. That dude been so quiet ever since Guess broke his heart declaring mad-ghetto love for none other than Milo. Nigga didn’t even stand a chance didn’t even get 4 votes. The fat punk, been donut dunkin and hidin in another blog trying to resuscitate his wounded achy breaky heart. No wonder he is the serial blog killer!
L:Damn right i heard once u declare war on him you soon stop bloggin like the likes of MJY and Blue.
T:That's true...MJY be saying how she is busy at work but we know better, she was for Blue it's obvious he had one foot in the grave the other foot on a banana peel! When Guess breaks your heart, trust me destruction is just a coping vice...
L:Oh my homicidal Porcine Prince I’d love to unbreak his heart…I would not mind a little Pork-chop..get it Poke-chop. Not to mention some rump roast…fire up that grill I’m comin home and replacing your remote control with something different.
T:I hear you girl, going in for the kill like Ms Guess’s friend aren’t we?
L:Oh, Guess she is so in demand even from the ladies in different area codes... and just like the tease she is..she strings them along bumps them with her hips and drops them solid hard. First Nick…soon Milo will be dangling with his unmentionable jnr and twins wrapped in his net-ngotha…you saw what she did to that Diva. Going on an all expense paid trip acting all clueless... and when the babe wants nothing but some good old fashioned loving. Some jungle warming, a little leaf rustling and branch breaking... some getting to know each other on a multilevel level...damn i'm breaking into a sweat already...some bump and grind some stroke and slide-she refuses to give it up! Feigning sleep and disbelief, screamin ‘never gonna get it never gonna get it.’ I heard that babe be calling her ‘Guess-whore-ass.’ Now that gal was played, am sure she didn't see it coming! Guess am with you on this, Guess, if you gonna swing that way atleast get you some sleep first. You are my role model sista-play hard to get…but I wouldn’t have paid that heifer a cent!
T:Damn, we have chicks stringin people along like Gishungwa who waited till she was serenaded by Kamaru and his live band over some kachumbari, potatoes and the hottest Mutura in town…and when her beau Thomas proposed on bended knee…she picked the last toothpick…gobbled up the remaining nyake and told him over a full mouth that she was not feeling him and she don’t play that. Evidently, according to her, Thomas had squeezed the juice out of Gishungwa and nothing was remaining but seed and fibre..the girl had to step! Poor Thomas all he has now are his studies and a loan repayment scheme for that Rock she left with!
T:Now you know Guess and Gishungwa aren’t the only kinky ones.Coming up a close second on kinky is none other than Mutumia. Word is she was previously called Mutumie! This babe is a latent hurricane waiting to happen…she will have you all wrapped up from A-Z. Right now she is spinning two men round and round like a hoolahoop on her neck and waist and trust me the two of them are giddy!
L:Oh yeah, Mr man of Substance Acolyte(Akolittle), and my favorite hip hop brada Msanii Xtra Little…and trust me I’d know!
T:Are u saying here on live TV that you and Msanii and Acolyte
L:Damn right…both a go…T.K.O…had them begging for more runnin around like hamsters, flip-flappin like seals, howling like coyotes…too bad I gave him them the clap, that messed their faculties and hence they be in the looney bin.
T:But did u say they were little?
L:Unlike TeeJ and her last minute pads- size don’t matter to me…sure it was like a straw in a swimming pool…but my motto is don’t ridicule a fool with a wee tool...just get to biznaz as long as they can work my...
T:You are way they’d bump uglies with you…
L:Then who u think was upstairs at Mshairi’s apartment interrupting her poetic juices? Am telling you we rearranged and reupholstered furniture…Acolyte is a screamer and Msanii a squeler…damn I gotta give them a call...cause they were chariots on fire and i was Ben Hur riding them for 8seconds like a rodeo bull!
T:I thought THAT it was Mr and Mrs Mutumia? Getting their differences straightened out if you know what I mean?
L:Nuh uh! You know we be making love breaking stuff that ghetto love!
T:Please u been around the block the block and then back-don’t they have the street named after you? Heck, you don’t even have to pay parking fees in that area code!
L:That’s right.Yeah, what I'm I supposed to do when I'm all alone and my child is crying on the bedroom floor cause he's hungry and the only way to feed him is to sleep around for a little bit of money cause he's daddy's gone... Don’t get played get laid!
T:Who's your baby daddy?
L:Ask Akiey...
T:Ok, what other fiction u talking about?
L:All I’m saying…that man better come and raise his child. I"m a sue his pictoral ass for child support...
T:Didn’t he pull a Billie Jean on your broke ass and said u ain’t never been his lover and that child ain’t his son!
L:Says him...tell him to bring his DNA up here and I’ll prove it to you…cause he's been creepin with that other gal on the side.
T:K.I.D.A.D.A? Irena?
L:Oh, the are long history-he doesn’t hung around long enough…leaves your head spinning and before u realize u wake up knocked up and deflowered.
T:But Irena and Kidada don’t have kids? And I know they are off sound morals and principals! They are just friends from around the way.
L:What’s ur point? Uh huh what your point be?
T:Am just sayin you lying..him and kidada are just friends that’s all.
L:That’s what he wants us to believe, at that time he was two timing Irena…remember he broke her heart she even stopped blogging trying to recouperate! And she went soul searching for some inner peace cause Lord God she loved her some Akiey…and now she is all healed, she is CiruBackInBusiness..not looking back-you go girl!!!!
T:I think you are nuts! And hol’ up, he isn’t creepin, he is too busy working on projects, goin for a job thingamajig carrying his appropriate tools.
L:Appropriate ‘tool’ more like it. Trust me he has pulled that dressing up like Richard Gere routine before pickin up his Pretty Woman way too many times. And now it looks like Afromusing soon to be Afrogiggling…soon to be Ms Afronotamused is about to get picked up on the solar side walk for more than some recharging. Trust me one stroke of Akiey and you will need to go on Hiatus.
T:Let’s get this straight. Who have u not been involved wit on KBW?
L:Let’s see. There was that arrogant S.O.B biomaterials expert that designed my silicon boobies and had the freaking audacity to leave his signature on my right boobie ‘S!’ The freakin nerve how I’m I to explain that ‘S!’ Do I say its short for Sista? Sugar? Silicone?... but thankfully I didn’t pay a cent not even one...but boy I ain’t never contorted my body like wonder he broke a tooth. Lequitta girl was not amused so I dropped his sorry ass! His the first bruda I ever dumped!
T:How bout Mental?
L:Hell freakin NO…that guy can drop it like its hot better than I can. Damn did u see him on that clip…he was dippin it low…rolling it all around…POP POP POP that thing! And u know that must have been JAM cause JELLY don’t shake like that!!!!!
T:But I thought Mental and Ms K be having a lil som sometin…
L:Get OUT!…is that why she is all broody and moody?
T:Yup claiming liberation and free spirit and preparedness…she is a shaken shaven cocoa doin some acrobatics of the arithmetic kind!
L:SHUT UP! What you mean arithmetic?
T:Am talking bout 5,6,7,8... baby girl is 1?2?3 weeks late!
L:Damn Damn Damn…U mean she and Mental? I need to call that girl up! I need some low that why she was adding weight...go figure?
T:What about Sandman and Nakeel having secret rendezvous by the kids playground? You know him and his pedophile tendancies..he keeps insisting they go to playgrounds and schools and swimming pools…And she is so clueless! He be buying her ice cream and flowers..heck did u see her last post with her picture? You can tell she is smitten by this Sandman and his cataract eyes. Posing ever so sweetly and naïve with bouganvillae in her hair…having stolen mama's she recites the 'Lonely Girl' poem he wrote for her...with a distant look in her upbeat heart palpitation
L:No no no, Sandman is the dude that left Farmgal hanging the other night. She had candles all over the place, with some Luthor Vandross on CD. The place looked like an exorcism scene, and Sandman took to the hills like a little biAtch!
T:Word? You mean Sandman and Farmgal?
L:Straight trippin dawg. I hear she forked out her own money to put him up and build him his own store! Gave him all she had...and he be playing with a lil Nakeel on the side!
T:You mean he's a kept cheating man?
L:That’s what I heard. I heard this over the little party we had at Wangari’s house…you remember she moved house right..I'm telling you the ladies were gossiping harder than Kinyi takes down her liquor! Harder than Spicebear's addiction to the secret NYAS cult pro-Hitler organisation!
T:You of all people got invited? Who else was there?
L:Of course I gate-crushed…it was a high society tea party..and they served biscuits and…
T:Let me guess you were the Tart/Crumpet?
L:Nigga you’re gonna take that back…anyhu…Uaridi and Prousette were there. But it was too comfy for my liking. They were all too lady like! Prousette was there knittin her baby a matchin sweater, mittens and booties…. Mshairi was there with a red lollipop and seemed lost in translation…apparently she is not the same anymore. She kept whining how she felt like there is something missing…something that she couldn’t put down on paper?
T:Is it Blue? Cause I hear the two not together anymore?
L:Maybe...him...but I'm telling you she was giving as bad vibe worse than Wangari’s Color Scheme.Even Uaridi’s numerous roses couldn’t help…or were the roses the problem? She needs to ease up on them roses!
T:Oh! You had to go there. Wangari can’t decorate to save her life?
L:All I’m saying Cilia better come up and pray for her! Nurse her back to visual health! Damn even her imaginary friend Baloncraz can help in them prayers...we need to get the colorblind spirits EXORCISED!!!
T:Imaginary friends?
L:Cammon you mean you never notice how "some" people have numerous so called untraceable I'm sure the likes of Baloncraz and Daud El Raud and many, many, many others are as real as my nails! And that's my political statement!
T:With all the nasty things you darn said you had better run after this airs.
L:Oh,I will run but with a little grace and finesse unlike our dear undeodorised Shiroh who was panting all over the highway…runnin helter skelter throwing Keringet water all on herself… she was all over the place like Medusa’s bad hair do!
T:Do u ever say anything kind? Do u ever sleep at night? You do know Medusa is gonna bitch-slap you into last night! Damn she will put her foot so far up your ass you will have toes for teeth!!!
L: … but you know I don’t sweat it..because it’s so let it…keep me involved in that He-Said she said crowd
T:Enough with the Salt and Pepa..who else we left out?
L:You tell me! Are you still trying to get it on with Kipepeo..last I remember you were chillin with the finns, rolling outta your jeans willing for some sins?
T:Damn, girl I visited her the other day and she was all trippin-but you know that’s the way love works out sometimes. I mean one minute I'm trippin next she’s trippin and we both be trippin…
L:So what happened?
T:I think she has contracted something nasty on her…something viral.
L:BIRDerfly FLU?
T:I wish..first day she was all pretty! Second day she was looking all nasty. Third day she was just PRETTY NASTY! So i told her when she recovers and feels well...she can call...someone else!!!
L:No, nasty is my Kymmbr calling it quits and leaving me high and dry! That player wanted none of my vibe..and now he has upped and left leaving me with the likes of you.
T:Speaking of which Sunflower too is leaving after her post got her in trouble. Remember how she got her groove back in Jamaican. When her petals were plucked one by one...yeah she made me feel like a eunuch! Hot Damn that girl played with my emotions!
L:But didn't you get yours with i recalled she was left with pure, unadulterated bliss.
T:I don't kiss and tell but that tigress left me wanting...she is a carnivore-devours whole.
L:I'm sure she does..but not like I do...anyway i guess that rounds up this episode of SLEEZE NEWS. Make sure you join us soon...for we will always try to be here embellishing like we should!
T:Yeah, its been great keep it locked and stocked..over and out! Peace!