Saturday, April 23, 2005

Death

We carry on in our lives almost assuming immortality. We seldom think, that one day, death will become us. We live life, each day as it comes and the funny thing is we are so unaware at the possibilty of today being the last time you sleep. Today, could be beginning of a spiralling downfall to your end. As morbid as the topic maybe, I can't help but post about it. Surprisingly, am overwhelmed by the thought of death. We've all had relatives, friends, colleagues who've passed away...and there is that difficult emotional pain....the sympathy and empathy...but we've always been on the outside lookin in. It's always been THAT person passing away.

Am sure we're all grateful for life. But, have you ever thought of what your death will be like. How will we depart? Will it be an accident, illness, homicide, suicide(not with the way my shrink is working overtime)...of all the things we can control in our own lives-death is not one of them. Death is superior. We are defenceless! Ignorant! Clueless!

Will it be re-incarnation? Will it just be eternal darkness-like a bulb going off forever? Regardless of religion, seriously, what is the vision of hell and heaven, if they exist? No, this is not a philosophy debate, but yeah- what if they didn't exist or they did? Of course, hell is more than burning and licking flames. Surely, by the third day you'll be used to that scorching heat! So, what's GOD'S true in-depth meaning of HELL?!?! or HEAVEN for that matter. What comes after we breath our last breath?! There is death after life, but is there life after death?!

Anyway...of more interest what will it be like back here on earth....

-do u realise that u have already taken the picture that shall be posted in ur orbituaries? or will have by then...
-do you have a preference as to what picture will be posted? everytime you take a passport picture has it ever hit you this could be the one that will inform of your funeral arrangements!
-who will read your eulogy?
-what will they say? have you led a worthy life?
-who will attend your funeral?
-who will be sad you're gone? and i do mean genuine vale/litres of tears?
-what influence will your demise have on other's life? what impact are you to your friends ?
-what will happen to your blog? will people know you're long gone or they'll assume that your too busy or chilling to garner maximum comments
-you in the coffin? smirk? favorite suit and tie? make up?(for the ladies)
-who will be your pall bearers?
-who will be the first to know that you are gone?
-what will your name be associated with? what memories will be induced with the mention of your name? What reputation or spirit will you name be proceeded by?

So many unknowns. So many questions that we shall never know the answers to-until its time. Time to understand the complex mysteries of the world. What is the true meanin of life...and worse still the true meaning of death. We cannot fathom either till the very end! realise our full

So as each we live each day, lets ponder for a few seconds...1mississipi, 2mississippi, 3mississippi...

-who will be affected
-how and why will they be affected
-and more self centredly...what will happen to me

In death we shall realise our full circle!

Monday, April 18, 2005

BadBoy or MR Nice

I heard an interesting email conversation with a fellow blogger and she asked me this question "Are u as nice in real life as you are on your blog!" To be quite frank i was a tad disappointed...cause i thought i was really Bad up in this BLOG! kumbe!

i'd like to point out, am not your average nice guy(dare any one say am more than average!) Am rotten to the core-bad to the bone....b-b-b-bad....bad to the bone!!!!

yeah i may look angelic,at times u may even hear the harps and violins playing as i pass by..but damn it am not a NICE GUY!!!!

here are examples of my not bein nice:

-remember when u sneezed and i didn't say 'bless you' on purpose!
-remember when i dulled all the sharp pencils in your set.
-remember the blog war? remember the casualties...oh...lets not even consider the collateral damage?
-remember how i'd break curfew and go home late in the wee hours of 7pm
-remember how i always used to say i have not done my homework when i'd clear all of it
-how bout when am driving and adamantly refuse to indicate
-puttin my feet in the booth infront at the movies
-not tipping waiters
-remember when i put chilli in your hot dog when u were not lookin? and u almost cried
-remember when i cut ur hair wit scissors in nursery school
-when i refused to show or share my break wit you.i just said NO!!!(even though it was weetabix...and u probably wouldnt have wanted that soggy mess anyway...i still said NO)
-when i stole ur bigger packet of chips gave u my smaller ones. spat on the bigger ones...and run/waddled off with them...tripped and spilled them all on the floor
-kicked u in the balls for always comin after the fat kid when playin british bulldog. u went on your knees and i was free...though still got caught in the game
-oh and you school bully! remember how u frightened me and threatened me and warned me not to report u? remember what i did?!?! yup bad to the core-i run to the class teacher like a lil biAtch and reported ur sorry ass. weren't u humbled runnin round the school?
-how bout all those primary school chicks i'd call 'changing' my voice sayin it was another classmate....and u sweetly played along even when i was the obvious butt of the call
-how about the class i punished by tellin them to copy out an entire chapter of a certain book(without knowing it was 30pages long) ha....weren't ur parents mad as hell...sayin how they even helped write the punishment and entire family couldnt finish the punishment...ha ha ha...and like 10 families called the headmaster complainin of unjust punishment....ha ha ha
-remember when i played practical joke on the 2 of u...told her u like her, told u she likes u..set u up on dummy date...made fools of you...and now on your third year of marriage...don't u agree am b-b-b-ad!!!
-when i told ur mum during dinner at the table u were pregnant and i laughed my head off... then the joke backfired a month later cause u really were!!!...and so was she!!!
-when we kissed and our teeth knocked...and for some freaky reason i liked the sound and impact and i kept going for them over and over...and u dumped me...and i still went for that last knock goodbye!!!!!!
-when i said u had a speck of rice on your teeth when in essence it was spinach
-when i dumped you by indirectly tellin others i was no longer interested-don't underestimate the power of gossiping friends...and then i came crawling back
-when i diverted all my calls to your phone and for some reason my calls weren't coming thru the phone would just hung...
-when i stole ur porn mag and u have no idea where it went
-how bout your lil sister...we shall not go there
-how bout how i handle ur cd's with disrespect.touchin the under surface
-oh and video libraries...not returnin new covers. heck i even open them up and steal extra reel of tape-trust me its just a matter of cut and paste...no wonder my home collection is heavy

Now in essence don't u agree:
1. am a bad ass-muda-NOT
2. True definition of geekazoid may actually be me
3.That screw badboy or mr nice am just happy being me
4 That the medication am on from the previous post may not be workin
5.Nuuuurrrrrse!!!!!!!!!


The above piece of writing has been entirely fictional. Any similarity or resemblance to actual events or persons is entirely coincidental...or DOWN RIGHT unfortunate.

Saturday, April 16, 2005

KBW-HELP NEEDED, URGENTLY

My name is BOB and have been sent here by a patient under my care to ask for help. Nicholas Gichu has been institutionlaised at a mental facility here at home with a diagnosis of Schizophrenia and urgently needs your help.

It first started wit acute depression. All of a sudden his internet explorer could not open up neither was his yahoo messenger...all other functions on the comp were just fine- except -the most important ones...to top it all, he had received the latest episodes of 24,Desparate Housewives,Alias,Lost,Six Feet Under,West wing, and the season finale of Friends-needless to say, it was all down hill, this chubby brother was goin down.

So, early on Monday morning he was found curled up in a ball, in his bed,sucking his thumb, muttering incoherent sounds. His bedsheets were on the floor and his baby-blue pyjamas were drenched in sweat. He was quickly rushed to hospital and admitted in the psychiatric ward for observation.

He seemed to be doing fine, so his notes say. Until his examination with the Shrink ruled otherwise. Apparenlty he was delusional living in some form of world-called Blog land...a.k.a Blogspere...a.k.a Blogworld(You see my point)

Right now, he is heavily sedated and in a strait jacket. Lord knows when he'll be free again. However, being the kind orderly I am, I have done him a favor(and pocketted his change) and posted this on his behalf.

The problem is that, for him to be released the blogsphere must come out and reveal themselves....the basis of his sanity lies in the fact that you all exist.

What exactly is the problem???? Well let me type the taped conversation of his evaluation as per last afternoon's session...

Dr: So you say that you are a member of a blogsphere, right?
Nick: Right!
Dr: what is it exactly?
Nick: Its a world on the internet that exists,where u meet many friends and form solid relationships with them....
Dr: Hmmmm? Have you met any of them?
Nick: Nope...oh only one... and there is another one who sends me latest episodes of programmes.
Dr: Mmm hmmm. Does he have a name?
Nick: Patron Saint!
Dr: Patron saint?
Nick: Yes, i can't reveal his name or he'll kill me!!!... or worse not send me the remainin episodes!
Dr: Kill you? Yet you have never met?
Nick: Uh huh!
Dr: Ok...we'll talk about that later...and the others where are they?
Nick: Some in Kenya, others in U.S, U.K all over the world...
Dr: Do you know their names?
Nick: uh there is Magaidi, Wituu, Githush, Kashata...there are over 20
Dr: Uh , real names...how about the others
Nick: Mshairi, and Nyaks my aunties...
Dr: oh family members? How are you related?
Nick: We're not but,they have adopted me and i them!
Dr: Mhhhm....and what are there names?
Nick: Auntie Mshairi and Auntie Nyaks
Dr: Hmmmm
Nick: then there is Thinkersroom,Nairobi back in the day, Virtual insanity, scentiments, guessaurus...
Dr:...Sorry to interrupt..what are u talkin about?
Nick: thess are real people with real names!
Dr: Thinkersroom is that a name?
Nick: Yes.... there is even kenyan pundit, afromusing, 4sheezy, Godfather, Torments...oh and Kymmbr
Dr: Kymmmbrrrrr.....whats that?
Nick: Its a real name, rhymes with elbow. it's true
Dr: And, do you even know what this Kymmbr looks like?
Nick: Yes... upside down!
Dr: Upside down?
Nick: Uh huh!
Dr: oh....ok.....Do you know how anyone else even looks like?
Nick: Well there is Ms K...who i went to primary school with her. If only she'd reveal herself to me i would tell you i know how she looks like
Dr: Have you asked her to reveal her name?
Nick: I have..but she's refused to tell me.
Dr:Why would she refuse?
Nick: i guess its better for her to remain as Ms K or at times Pretty in Pink! But she posts as Lisa Simpson the cartoon!
Dr: Cartoon?
Nick: Oh yes, even Thinkersroom is Jerry in 'Tom and Jerry'. Medussa is that character from' 'Flash Gordon', Scentiments a fist, Sonny is a car....a really nice car...
Dr:Okaay.... just a quick summary. You know many people in this...uh...blogland...and u.... communicate... and u don't even know their names or how they look like.
Nick: True!
Dr:So what do u talk about
Nick: With nairobi back in the day we reminisce on good old times....and compete who remembers the most about their childhoods and past
Dr: You mean dwell in the past or re-live your childhoods?
Nick: Right!
Dr: is everyone happy in this blogland?
Nick: Pretty much!...oh...except recently i launched war on Mama Junkyard...and another moron called Daud...though he doesnt belong in our world but loves to visit.
Dr: War? (mumbling to himself as he scribbles 'mama junkyard')
Nick: oh yes even Magaidi he was an alter boy you know...and Kymmbr were the refs
Dr: is the war over?
Nick: oh, yeah i kicked ass!!!
.......

Dr: Ok. I guess our time is up....i will have to go over your session....we'll see you tomorrow same time but we shall delve deeper into what we have discussed today. I, will however increase the dosage of your sedatives and antidepressants. Am sure within a month or two we will make some progress. But we shall take each day as it comes. Take our time apart to reflect on what we have discussed today....
Nick: but doctor....i am not making this up. All these people exist out there..i may not know how they look like or what there first names are but ...trust me they are my friends.....(gettin hysterical)
Dr:Nurse!!!!(yelling) Nuuuurssse!!!!!
Nick:Its true Damn it...even the war!!!
Dr: Which you apparently won?(scoffs) Nurse!!!!!Strap this patient and get him outta here


So as you can see y'all need to rise up and save this poor soul. So if you could kindly send atleast your first name... pictures may come later ...but lets prove that you exist.

for any enqueries call 1-800-savenick


Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Where do WE go from here?

No, this has nothing to do with the BLOG WARS or Deborah Cox's trite song (... who am i kidding i loved that song...why's my heart filled wit so much fear.....) ok, enough with the digression.

So,where was I? Oh yes...have u ever reached a point in life and you're like "now what?" or "is this it?"

I've been travelling on the proverbial life-road for a very long time. Have passed many forks, took wrong turns, u-turns, circled many roundabouts, had a few accidents...however, right now am on a desserted straight road stretchin out into the yonder. I don't seem to be approachin a town or anything, don't seem to see any car on my lane or on the opposite lane...am travelling alone and nothing is on the horizon...

Life as we speak is mundane. The monotony of it all is gettin on my last nerve. Am not talkin about a boring life...am talkin about lack of new challenges...new changes...

Yes, we all make our destiny. We make our dreams come true,but after that? What's next? I've been like this for the past one year living each day as it comes. And now nothin excites me any more. Am getting more pessimistic by the day. I could be getting depressed as we speak, but this is more than an ailment its becoming the norm, my daily existence. For some reason, i've realised i may not be as happy as i think i should. The uncertainty of the the future is not something am used to...I like knowing where am headed to...but reality has taught me you WILL never know! And that realisation that you have no control regardless of what you previously thought hurts. When it dawns on you that there are so many factors out there, hurts even more.

My cousin is getting all psyched up about joining campus in the next 2 weeks and unconsciously i've been dampening his spirits. He has high hopes of what what he'll achieve after uni-and i've been serving him a hot plate of reality. Am i being cruel or being realistic? Should i let him dream and let him get disappointed later? Cause the truth is, we never know where we are headed to...and hence will never have true peace or happiness for that matter.

So, I sit here pondering what's my next big thing? Where am I going from here? If I am content with where I am? With who I am? Am I happy, and if not why not?

To quote another song "Do u know, where you're going to, do you like the things that life is showing you? What are you going through? Do you know?" Quite frankly Mariah(her version is better) I am clueless! Ignorant!!!

Viscious cycle-depressed cause i don't know, Don't know cause am depressed...

So i shall live each day as best as i can. Sleep, eat and be merry,cause tomorrow, i shall wake up, to eat, sleep and be merry!

....do i see an on coming car up ahead? Is that a sign indicating a town comin up ahead? I don't know, i'll just keep on driving....

Friday, April 01, 2005

Blog Wars 2:attack of the 2 bumbs wit a stone

Daud
haiya kijana this is not a kindergarten fight ati over crisps-popcorn combi stop unleshin karate kid 3 moves(the one wit the girl in it) Nigga foo this is WAR!!!

1.Ati gloves are off...who u fooling we know u aint talkin about boxing gloves
-we know its oven mits miss-"i have a sensitive stomach only eat baked goods that i have baked wit my own manicured hands!!!!!"

2.Ati take off the skirt...do u even know what a skirt is?...when's the last time u ever encountered one? arent you the one who couldnt get a dateinhigh school even on a calendar or diary.....
so if you say you are experienced wit a skirt what do u mean? does it count:
-ur transexual friday nights as Miss Davina Jackson...if am not wrong Soray even said he saw you at a mexican joint as Davina Mendez....
-when girls would bitch-slap the living daylights out of you for spyin on them wit a mirror glued onto your mocassin shoes in Form 6
-goin into the changin room while chick were swimming and stealin their inner wear does not count,punk

3.oh and you're not even man enough to have a blog!!!!

4.oh and i will tell everyone that you have send me a birthday card and christmas card every successive year from missouri...so how's that friend.

5.Nigga-having posters of DMX,Jah Rule,Snoop on all your walls doesnt make u Gangster it makes you Queer...however if thats what u meant... then boy you are Ghetto-Gangster!!! Damn and i thought you just liked Westlife cause of their Vocal range....and ati backstreet boys dance well....hmmmmm

6.Feelanga flamboyant-ebu lets see what ur gonna dish out.... and i mean in war terms...don't strap on an apron and wonder ati what u can dish out...in none other than ur oven mits!!!!!!



MJY

i really loved that post on Aprils Fool i must admit...u got me good...but thankfully your family will disown you more nad more and accept me more and more...am sure they don't need nasty trash plays cheap ass tricks

you keep askin how come i havent letad vita...well u know mama "always said never hit a girl and never hit a lady"...but i showed her a pic of you and ur real hair and mama said "knock her out!!!"

so for now rest assured your ass is history-cellulite and all!!! i'll bring i knew meanin to junkyard by the time am thru it you....and stop posting posts as mich we both know he doesnt read your blog.

you and daud can form your lil sorority thing...atleas:
- he bakes and atleast u know how to give orders!!!!
-you have brass balls and he has...we shall not go below the apron strings!!!!
-you both have dreads(where shall not be discussed this aint that kind of blog)

So Major Jacinta and Davina Jackson...recruit your minions and lets get this started.

All proceeds recovered from bets shall be donated to the nearest charity. Be wise gamble hard!!!