Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Random Flashbacks-the King is Back

Before the inspired tag-team of Milo and Nick…before the Soul Mate induced posts of M.Buff and Tato…before the Sleeze Crew and the Meet up posts that had you all squirming and thanking the heavens it wasn’t you. There was a Dynamic Devastatingly Daring Duo of Memoire and Nick. Oh, we rocked them memories…Gaddamn we did! So this is for you Memoire wherever you are and for Aco who has dared challenged my flashback and posting capabilities! (You have made me post successively on Nick and Tato and double on Tato)

Dare to Remember:

Sarit Centre:

I think this was such a big deal. You could be asked “what did you do for Christmas?” and if your answer was “… I passed by Sarit!” that was deemed cool. Manze that place would jazz me. There were video games-we all attempted the arm wrestling dude didn’t we??? Hotdogs! There was a machine that if you insert some coins it lays an egg and you’d wish something really valuable was inside and all you would get is a rubber spider insect! On some Saturday’s John Rodrigues the Kiini Macho dude…would be there and he’d have these balloons that I swore were made out of magic and he’d make a dog or a butterfly or flowers out of them. I kept the stick that held the balloons and used it as my magic wand!

Then there was Yaya Centre and its funny dodgy video games there was a boring tennis game that you’d be forced to play when broke.

Std 2.

I was an ok student…peaked to number 1 end of first term…rode her during second term was number 1 again mid term exams and end of term exams…and plummeted in third term faster than Newtons’s apple. Prize giving day was such a jagged little bitter pill!

Living La Vida Chubby ( Haki Kipepeo and Thinker I was the fat kid that could)

>Leant how to swim the hard way…when shops don’t have floaters your size the art of improv is called the art of learning! Yaani, shops were recommending I use a car’s tyre tube! As in nothing could pass by my generous roundness.

>Do you know how painful it was to go to School Outfitters to place an order for shorts?


Before I was self conscious I enjoyed Swimming. Gone are the days when you could go to Boulevard, Silver Springs and Safari Park Hotels with a 50 bob and swim you heart out!

I suffer from Allergic Rhinitis and the pool chlorine has never been kind…but not till I discovered in ‘90 that Divers have those diver’s goggles that block the nose…I bought them off a Beach-Boy/Diver in coast…washed them clean and started diving away for ten-cent coins!


>I had one in Std one called Nicholas Munene (may prospective employers Google and find your name trashed here!) So there I am standing outside the boy’s loos…and he comes by and leaves some other kid’s shoes outside and tells me to watch them as he goes in and does his thing. A guy disappears inside like for more than …er…4-6 minutes…so chubby here walks away…following day a kid is threatening me to pay up for the lost shoes or else?! Or else what? Nigga, I so told on him. “Mr’s Were that kid over there been bullying me…saying he will beat me up!” Didn’t hear anything from him again.

>what was the obsession with closing day? As in fight was kept postponed till closing day-which would be the apparent day of reckoning!


>there was one e used to beat up in std 6. She was made of raw-hide wah wah wah she took every punch and kick better than guy being mob justiced by the public.

>Another one called Nelly could beat you down like you were Robin Givens and she was Tyson

>Another ka-fly one we’d call POISON just cause we could!

Being Spoiled Rotten

My mum had this thing of taking me to lunch on most Friday’s when in Primary. So while at St George’s it was this hot join in Adams Arcade that served meat on a long toothpick…oh my! While at Conso it was either Burger Hut or Pizza Garden…mmm mmm mmm Friday afte’s were to long for!


-Bless my cousins for introducing me to Police Academy movies! I think I was still watching Breakdance2…Breakin’… Herbie goes to Monte Carlo? James Bond movies-I remember Diamonds are forever being the cleanest Bond movie at the time.

Those were days you watch a movie during the weekend and then on Monday before Assembly you re-tell the whole story…without losing any detail! So Superman/Supergirl then flew and you’d add sound effects…and then the car swerverd and then…..Then James Bond remover the Golden Gun…

-Then came Chevy Chase and Steve Martin Comedies

-The likes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…BMX Bandits…

(No let Tato do justice to this, in a later post.)

TV Adverts

-Gosh I loved the BP visco 2000 ad. That car was cool.

-And who else remembers Kilometric adverts?

-Knorr soup ad?

-Remember Pepsodent Toothpaste being launched sometime in 89 and we were giving free paste at school and boy we wasted it all… open the cap and jump up and land on your heel smack on the waiting-ready-to-burst- tube!

-Coke ads: there was coca cola is it and you can’t beat the real thing…I saw wanted to be cool like that!

-Palmolive Ad: the one with the dry leaf that doesn’t crumble with palmolive lotion or was it Vaseline intensive care?

TV Progs

Between URTNA bringing Tshala Muana, Sam Fan Thomas and Kanda Bongoman like they were on vogue. There was Family Affairs that had Riziki and Mambo as siblings. Fred Obachi and Music Time…Sam Madoka and Coke Is It. Sunday afternoon they would bring Tele-Match and Mix 'Em Gather 'Em-a coast production that had the female host lisping like whoa!

Then come KTN and it introduced us to the likes of ALF, Baby Talk...KBC had Arsenio Hall Show…legal drama was at its peak with L.A Law. And remember music charts never seen before on European Braun and MTV with Ms Down Town Julie Brown?

If your video lib had game you watched the likes of Doogie Howser M.D, Cosby, Golden Girls…or some tired Indian Movie


-Anna Mwale and Jermaine Jackson coming for the Inter Africa something something championship at Kasarani. Remember Excuse-y me anna mwale…

-92’s Joe Public “ this one’s for u and only u…hello ms mrs if I blew kisses would u catch them or would u dismiss them and leave me hanging …I don’t see a ring so I assume that you are single…” T.L.C and I ain’t to proud to beg. En Vogue.

-93 Snow: hits like “lonely lonely lonely Monday morning” “Informer” “Girl I’ve been hurt.”

89-91: When New Edition successively split into Bobby Brown. Johnny Gill, BBD, and Ralph Tresvante. When Rap had the likes of MC Lyte and Queen Latifa and U.N.I.T.Y…”im goin back to cali” from L.L.Cool J…KRS One and Public Enemy

Heavy D and the Boyz. MC Hammer and Fresh Prince of Bel Air…Salt N Pepa..

-Paula Abdul and MC Skat Cat with Opposites attract and she wasn’t doing badly herself with the likes of Straight Up

Archer’s ABBA. Devious’s Atlantic Star.

91 with Crystal Waters’ Gypsy Woman-she wakes up early in the morning just to do her hair now..lada dee ladidau

British Stars akina Kylie Minogue…Rick Astley

Cheap ass jollies

-Tapes that you would buy that were dubbed straight from clubs e.g. bubbles

-MTV on KTN with that special dance show hosted by Down Town Julie Brown

-Going to Pop in and International Sports House to play video games

-Nintendo and Game and Watch


-weddings used to have pre-wedding parties and to some extent Pre-pre-wedding parties!

-Clad: dash tracksuits and asaki shoes…Reebok High-tops

-Kids would be given forms to collect and the tag phrase “please sponsor me” or “ni-sponse?!”

-walkmans; that only played, but rewinding and forwarding would either clear your batteries or chew your tape.

-Comics books…Archie series

Monday, August 14, 2006

A random 10 thoughts

I have actually missed blogging. I was reading my earlier posts…and discovered that I stopped blogging some time back and started entertaining.(LONG LIVE the SLEEZE CREW) Sure, there is that underlying self-consciousness that you have an audience but when I looked at my March and April posts last year I noted the difference.

So, here’s to blogging.

Right now am currently on leave…bumming as I only know why! So here is a random ten thoughts on my mind right now

1.) I went on leave last week and didn’t tell ¾’s of my workmates that I am on leave…didn’t even say goodbye… just upped and left! And from certain sms’s I may have hurt some people’s feelings! Tough! Actually the reason I went on leave is the more important point that ties in with #3…so to hell with them and their so-called feelings.

2.) I am currently so depressed that I wake up at 2 am wide awake…and no longer derive pleasure from waking people up at that time. So depressed that I even stopped self prescribing sedatives…it’s like I don’t care anymore if I wake up at 2 or 1 am

I’ve lost the will to prank and that’s a bad sign!

3.) Out of three choices I had for my Master’s degree…I struggled and decided on number 2…and by mutha-luck it just happens I’m the only one who qualified out of 3 applicants…the other 2 were less experienced…and I’m doomed to sweat, suffer and bleed all through Chiromo, Med and Dental School… again.. .but guess what? I will suffer alone! FURK! Y’all have no idea what mental/emotional/personal torment is…It’s not that I’m scared, if only that was the problem…it’s just that I know what kind of HELL I am chauffeuring myself to and even doing the valet parking as I concierge myself up to Le Grand Hell and Bell-Hop my self to an exquisite penthouse suite in the depths of hell!

4.) However #3 above depends on other factors beyond my control-and I hate being helpless. Which if they fail I remain doomed for another one year at the above mentioned workplace that I kinda detest! As in either way I am furkin furked! So many factors tied in I can see my life changing and I sure as hell hate CHANGE!

If #3 works out-FURKED!

If it doesn’t work out=FURKED!

5.) Have you ever entangled yourself in a web! No spidey pun intended! But I am in one and by golly what a tangled web I have woven and don’t wanna get out off. There I am with my knitting needles and Crotchet (pronounced croshet) well aware of the web being spun! As in, being in such a mess that it is actually a good thing for it can distract you from all the other messes out there. Only time can unweave…only time can show what web material them strings are made of! It will unweave and things will be back to normal…until then weaved webs strangulate the hell out of me!

6.) I have a surgical condition that should need attention. Its not life threatening or urgent. It’s not haemorrhoids or an undescended testicle…but its there and needs attention and funny thing is I will never present!

7.) I’m at a stage of just hating people. Ok maybe I just threw that in…but I find making new friends so tedious! I get socially strained and easily irritated by small talk…I say stick to the old friends. Enough of the new! And even those old ones seem to be pushing it especially relatives! I hate being relied upon because I never learned to rely on someone.

8.) I’m at a freaking stage of feeling lonely and empty. As in solo…as in I’m not even there for myself. As an only child I was great company but not anymore…I was my best friend…but I am so stressed worrying about myself I don’t even care for me. I have left myself to my own defenses. Not to mention stopped making sense…maybe all I’m saying is even my own voices have left me!

9.) Did I mention a tad suicidal? Not the kind of slitting own wrists… but the indirect kind of may that crane just snap and drop on me right now. Yes a sign of depression…where is that prescription again.

10.) I’m usually the happy-go-lucky happy as lark type but wallowing in self pity has become a habit…and at the moment in a pessimistic/mood drenching spirit! Usually this happens in the month of August…

But hope this is therapeutic when I read over it again…It’s just one of them days!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

SLEEZE CREW: Rumor Meals Roundup

(and yes i know how to spell rumor mills and sleaze)

(Deep VOICE) Welcome to The Sleeze Crew. Live on Air for a fifth successive successful feed. Bringing you trash like you like it served…directly to your ears! You will hear it here, first and fast and furious…may the sleaze contaminate you and set you free!

Lequitta: Hey y’all it’s me again, the ghettoesque bad-ass mama...been knocked up, knocked down and around but my nappy self still stronger than ever. Like Roberta Flack I will survive oh as long as I know how to run, duck, tuck and roll I know I’ll stay alive! A sista’s been pimped slapped…name called…popped MORE morning-after pills than Aco’s posts, or Thinker’s thoughts, or Admin interference accusations.

Tyrone: Sup peeps! This is your home-boy keeping it real. Hardcore gangster…smooth and suave…breaking hearts left, right and centre…letting them keep coming back for more! More! They want nothing but! Coz they know with Tyrone …it’s on!

Lequitta: That’s right! And you know it’s true!

Tyrone: And you know we know you know!

Lequitta: Coming up next in this roundup the downright skinny on where the KBW’s are at! The 411 brought to you one on one. It’s been too quiet especially with the old timers being on pension as we speak…damn BLOG menopause seems to have hit them all…denture wearing…memory lapsing…eye-sight failing…osteoporosis setting in and bones crumbling getting lamer and lamer like Nick’s blog-mojo!

Tyrone: That’s right…we gonna tell you the truth behind the sudden deletion of MS K’s blog and Dshy’s blog…and finally reveal if they were one and the same?

Lequitta: Why MILO threw in the towel and wants nothing more of his unmentionabos after a botched reverse vasectomy! The truth behind his new business venture with KM . His sudden return to South Africa.

Tyrone: The escapades of the BLUE POET…which blogger he got entangled with and the catastrophic results that could be the reason SHIROH lost her job...if in fact she lost it! Why he failed to attend the last meetup?

Tyrone: In addition the financial revelations of a female blogger that has pulled a Left Eye of T.L.C! Nope she hasn’t burnt her beausroom...for creeping with that other mzalendo KP...but has gone bankrupt-asaurus!! After bad advice from Bankelele and Riba Capital

Lequita: Oh, yes none other than GUESS...she has had to sell her 2 KAYBEES like Toni B's Grammy's to sustain her frequent flier miles and hIPODetical expenses ( MILO u would be so proud of me) has been hawking “Blogging 101” on the streets! Y'all know I'm just hating right?

Tyrone: Also… we shall reveal to you how some bloggers are blogging with duel identities? Not like the TATO…but incognito. If I were you I’d closely monitor the styles of DOBVIOUS, AMKENI WAKENYA, KAGGZ, KELITU….think about it they sound pretty familiar…look carefully don’t let the new templates fool you...these are old bloggers in new skin! Don’t also let the sex fool you!

Lequita: And we shall expose to you who has been running around Anonymously, almost doing a better job than I am in trashing posts…I mean tearing bloggers down…criticizing…ridiculing…and they are not anonymous cause their I.P address be all up in my databank screaming ( ( everywhere...come here mama lequita gives you a hug cause you been an avid reader you!

Tyrone: Personally, to hell with Anon, I want the truth behind that Smack it, Flip it, Rub it…Buff and Polish it post of KM! Not to mention can we discuss what people were saying behind the scenes and on the comment section…y’all back-stabbers you!

Lequita: Oh and don’t you forget the three sisters and a niece…and you know the don’t approve of us! But they have been missed!

Tyrone: Yes the truth shall be revealed about all those missing in action.

Lequita: Yes missing in action or expecting after action…Yes the much talked about BILAS TRAIN-an old passenger has returned aboard…and aboard that passenger is another passenger currently embedded in amnion. You may harbour a guess( no that is not a hint)…someone in the MS KMutsaurus squad is due soon…and they have stopped screaming “THEKETE MA!” Or is it “Mutiuke Pris!” Suddenly…life has new meaning to me…

Tyrone: What happened to the defunct LOONEY BIN? AKIEY? MSANII? FARMGAL?

Lequitta: All that comin up next stay tuned! Like Aerosmith you don’t want to miss a thing…ok perhaps some lip reduction won't hurt either!

Tyrone: Plus let's welcome some newbies up in here as well,cause blessed are the newbies they wil make great posts in the future. Makanga...YKM