Monday, January 31, 2005

Awards, nominations and then some….

It’s funny how I follow these events like am personally involved. It’s even worse that I’ve discovered that in 99.99% of all times there seems to be some external factor playing in. Rarely does whomever I want to win win…rarely does the most deserving one win…

Or am I just paranoid?

Now we have 2blacks nominated….do u see Don Cheadle winning surely. I support the brother...but it always seems that you need a few more nominations before u walk away with one. Now for Jamie Foxx he also so deserves that award….but he’s black and the problem is he also has been nominated in supporting actor category. Now as it happens in Oscar’s, to add insult to injury he may actually win for ‘Collateral’ and not for ‘Ray’-the fact being, that he deserves an Oscar…but they will not give him the main one…not so soon after denzel

Morgan Freeman is also someone who has waited for a long time to win…and it wouldn’t be surprising if he finally won, albeit in that category.

You say am being paranoid. But surely do u think Denzel deserved an Oscar for ‘Training Day’ (or better yet to lose in ‘Philadelphia’ or ‘Malcolm X’)
Or u think it was his time to get it? Or time for the blacks to get it? You have all watched ‘Monster’s Ball’….Halle Berry is a great actress but she sure as hell didn’t deserve the Oscar FOR that movie.

Sure there have been winners who were nominated the first time and won…Adrian Brody, Geoffrey Rush, Kim Bassinger, Gwenyth…but if u look at there performances in comparison to whom they were nominated with …my point will have been made.

Now, you have seen actors like Johnny depp, Renee Zellweger, Robin Williams, Al Pacino, Edward Norton, Judi Dench, Meryl Streep, Susan Sarandon… etc all get snubbed. Very deserving, very talented….I don’t know what voters look out for. Or who they are…. but something never is quite right.

My theory and conclusion:-if you are a really good actor you will have to wait to wait to win it!!! The fact that you don’t win it means that you actually deserve it

Razzie Awards

I love following those awards. For the oonly reason that the most deserving always win. E.g Madonna , Sylvester Stallone hold enough awards that they have truly arned

But to my surprise the joke was lost on me, this time. Am stunned, by nominating Ben Stiller and White Chicks….

Ben Stiller is not the greatest actor but damn it that was uncalled for..and to make it worse he’s been nominated for his performances in Dodgeball/Envy(though that was crap)/anchorman/Along came Polly/Stusky and Hutch.

Ben Stiller-has epitomized playing the pathetic loser or the arrogant lowlife

White chicks-has snugged: worst Director,worst actors,worst couple(in and out of drag),worst screenplay…..DAMN!!!! let them be.

Now the Wayan’s-the first family of comedy…are funny!!!! Need I say more!!!!

Worst Picture
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Surviving Christmas
White Chicks

Worst Actor
Ben Affleck - Jersey Girl / Surviving Christmas
George W. Bush - Fahrenheit 9/11
Van Diesel - Chronicles of Riddick
Colin Farrell - Alexander
Ben Stiller - Along Came Polly / Anchorman / Dodgeball / Envy / Starsky & Hutch

Worst Actress
Halle Berry - Catwoman
Hilary Duff - Cinderalla Story / Raise Your Voice
Angelina Jolie - Alexander / Taking Lives
Mary-Kate Olsen, Ashley Olsen - New York Minute
Shawn Wayan, Marlon Wayans (The Wayan Sisters) - White Chicks

Worst Screen Couple
Ben Affleck & either Jennifer Lopez or Liz Tyler - Jersey Girl
Halle Berry & either Benjamin Bratt or Sharon Stone - Catwoman
George W. Bush & either Condoleeza Rice or his pet goat - Fahreheit 9/11
Mary-Kate Olsen & Ashley Olsen - New York Minute
The Wayans Brothers (in or out of drag) - White Chicks

Worst Supporting Actress
Carmen Electra - Starsky & Hutch
Jennifer Lopez - Jersey Girl
Condoleeza Rice - Fahrenheit 9/11
Britney Spears - Fahrenheit 9/11
Sharon Stone - Catwoman

Worst Supporting Actor
Val Kilmer - Alexander
Arnold Schwarzenegger - Around the World in 80 Days
Donald Rumsfeld - Fahrenheit 9/11
Jon Voight - Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Lambert Wilson - Catwoman

Worst Director
Bob Clark - Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
Renny Harlin and/or Paul Schrader - Exorcist 4: The Beginning
Pitof - Catwoman
Oliver Stone - Alexander
Keenan Ivory Wayans - White Chicks

Worst Remake or Sequel
Alien vs. Predator
Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid
Around the World in 80 Days
Exorcist 4: The Beginning
Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed

Worst Screenplay
Alexander - Oliver Stone, Christopher Kyle, Laeta Kalogridis
Catwoman - Theresa Rebeck, John Brancato, Michael Ferris, John Rogers
Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 - Steven Paul, Gregory Poppen
Surviving Christmas - Deborah Kaplan, Harry Elfont, Jeffrey Ventimilia, Joshua Sternin
White Chicks - Keenan, Shawn, Marlon Wayans, Andy McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden, Xavier Cook

Worst Drama of Our First 25 Years
Battlefield Earth
The Lonely Lady
Mommie Dearest
Swept Away

Worst Comedy of Our First 25 Years
Adventures of Pulto Nash
The Cat in the Hat
Freddy Got Fingered
Leonard Part 6

Worst Musical of Our First 25 Years
Can't Stop the Music
From Justin to Kelly
Spice World

Friday, January 28, 2005


Frustration that is:

Ok so I finally got myself a comp(hooray!!!!-cue the drums and the cheer leaders in their kinky outfits…) now everything seemed like it was in working order…until the monitor looked like it needed some jump starting.. the floppy drive ain’t working…actually it is since it keeps wanting to format all of my discs. Was so frustrated, I decided- what the hell-FORMAT!!!! To which it replied “ the disc cannot be formatted!!!”

So a few hairs have been yanked out. ( I might as well help my receding hairline!)

Funnily enough no curse words have been spewed…a possible reason could be that am too busy gnashing my teeth straining my jaw muscles..blood shot eyes like the previous junkie I was(literary freedom)…pulsating veins in my forehead( I know… I know… veins don’t pulsate.But trust me that aint no blue coloured artery!!!!)

The thought of going back to the comp place in town infuriates me considering I didn’t tip the watchman,as I trollied off with my new comp!I hate imperfections(if that wasn’t mentioned in my pet peeves….)

Am unhappy and unamused.

I shall live to see another day!!!!!

Hollywood kissing:the long journey

Kissing on big screen!

We’ve watched many movies and its quite obvious we have come a long way! Of course visual and audio effects through the years have gotten better and better such that we may no longer need actors. But one thing I feel cannot be replaced is that pivotal KISS!!!

(A little deviation: how come we never see any awkwardness in kisses. No teeth a-knockin! No uncoordinated breathing! Annoying slobbering! How come morning kisses don’t take into account morning breath?)

I’d say the advent started with a peck on the cheek. And that was as obscene as it could get at the time. Lips to cheek. No eye contact…no body contact either.

Then came the lips to lips. It didn’t take more than 2 seconds.

Then came lips to lips for more than 2 seconds…and this was as bad as it got even in tv.

After that came deep kissing. Meaning still lip to lip-NO PARTING. But the faces were kinda pressed to each other in a passionate yet not intimate moment…occasionally a hug would be involved-or holding of the shoulders!!!

Proceeding this- was parting of the lips and to be a bit graphic-each would have one lip that they would smooch on. No interchanging of lips…u settle for one lip and that was it!

Then came interchanging of lips…the one lip rule didn’t apply. And in this one there was holding or caressing(if ur romantic) of the face or stroking of the hair was also introduced!

Hmmm!!! Then TOUNGUE was introduced…and the rest as they say is EVOLUTION! From tongue wrestling to tonsil fights…the art, I can say has been perfected. Breathing no longer is a necessity. No need for holding,caressing…as clothes at this stage seem to be a hinderance. Simple unbuttoning doesn’t apply-there is ripping with inadvertent knocking of shoulders in sync to their hormone induced arryhtmic heartbeats-as they remain glued in the Kiss!

A slight addition or modification of the above has been noted in black movies. Intermittent motions like that of licking ice cream off a cone. Gross munching with overly produced sound effects. The ghetto kiss-with some ruff neck brutha and his equivalent nubian hood-rat.

And that, class, was the evolution of the kiss in Hollywood.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Meet The Fockers!!!!

Finaly a sequel worthy of being a sequel!!!!

if you haven't watched it yet spank yourself

-tremendous casting. Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand may as well be the real fockers as far as am concerned

-once again their bitchy cat returns

-there is this cute little 1-2yr old who is gifted with the ability to sign in baby language and trust me when he utters the word "asshole" you just melt like butter. that kid had me at asshole!!!!

-the same magic that was in 'meet the parents' is still on. The plot, jokes , story line.... good as may not even realise that it was a sequel.

if the first one worked for you....this is almost better than the first

This movie rocks big time!!!!

Hotel Rwanda


Damn this is a powerful movie that shows the goings in rwanda in 1994. When the hutu's decided to kill all tutsi's they could-as the whole world just stood by and watched a genocide that wiped out almost a million innocent people. The rwandese were left on the own at the mercy of hutu militia...who shot and macheted their around! Cold Blooded Murder! this could have been the modern day holocaust!!!

Don Cheadle was excellent in his role,as Paul Rusesabagina. A hutu married to a tutsi who did his best to protect fellow tutsi's in the hotel he managed. Through bribery and trickery he mangaed to survive and currently is living in belgium. When the war broke out he thought of only saving his immediate family but as he saw what was happening he opened the hotel to Tutsi and Hutus seeking refuge from the killing. He used all the favours he had stored as manager of the hotel and basically saved over a thousand lives.

A real eye opener, and the fact that it happened so close to home makes it even more scarier...what if this ever happened in Kenya???

A must see!!!!!!!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

dare to remember

-nick begs
-pinches punches new shoes
-bog! where did that come from or go???
-chali..a guy who wears no underwear. 1.what the...?!?! would u know?!?!
-nyanyako fish...
-dinya!(ok now am gettin dirty-double blush)
-kudiro (danger!)

-goody goody
-rally gum,racer gum
-fanta tropical,cream,grape

-ABC moonlightning(cybil shephard and bruce willis). used to come on KBC and we thought girls could get pregnant by watchin it!!!
-James Bond Movies
-James Hardley Chase

-if u fold up your eyelids and a fly lands there they shall stay like that permanently
-kids come from eatin sweets or praying really hard or you buy them in hospital
-magic was due to some external evil force!

Hang joints(nb. not heng):
-show every year!esp tatoo show
-nairobi sports house and pop in
-luna park
-wimpy and u get those kiddie hats!
-macmillan libarary:yaani that place was like a kids club.all those mistreated kids would get dumped there and we'd meet and team up and get upto no good!!!

-mocassin shoes
-avilas shoes
-dash track suits
-stonewash jeans
-deacons sweaters

read previous article

teachers should be ashamed

i had the privelege of going to public school for 4 years and private school for 4 years-that covered my primary education.
now if you did not go to a public school u missed an important stage in your childhood.the ghetto-ness of it all was character building!

now they say teachers mould u...i agree! they were ruthless and brutal...and the little snithces in class were sons of....

i got into my fair share of trouble and a few memories have re-surfaced and you know how generous i am i always share.

-what was with female teachers?... and pinchin you in the ass.and am talkin about how their hand would slither under your shorts, fingers tip toe lift ur undie a tad and then they'd squeeze the living daylights out of your touche.

-the cunnin ones would slide up your thigh..was it just me or are boys molested in broad daylight?!?!

-now in pre-primary the punishment for peeing in the field was that you would stand in front of the teacher and show her your pee pee.(Now the annoying thing was which one of your friends reported you.) so you would think she was joking and you laugh it off...until u realised that with her incessant threats and persistance this lady was out to get her jollies with some kiddie porn!

-we had a teacher who was a 'dentist extraordinaire' you brag to ur friends that you have a moblie tooth...(again some brat goes runnin to her) ...and before u know it her fingers(dirty and soon to be bloody) are in your mouth and she's doing justice for the tooth fairy

-we had a head teacher who enjoyed spankin girls on their bottoms. with a glee he'd discipline the errant pre-pubescent girl with his bare hand!

-and what was with the whole touch your toes-ass in the air-and they thwack you till there is no tomorrow. or they'd ask u to remove your shoes so that they could get you good in the soles of your feet.

-and most of them would beat u good and in the evening they talk to your parents like nothing had ever happened

-have u ever been slapped so hard you pee just a little. we were doing an exam and i realised my friend robert had written 9 as p (we were in std1) so ungrateful and unappreciative he went runnin to the asian lady straight from the buildin opposite hell. she summoned me to her desk. where i waited for like a good ten minutes-before she caught me off guard and gave me one well calculated and delivered slap.!!!!!!
the impact blocked any possible tears from flowing or fallin down!!
the humiliation
the pain

-you would fall sick and come the following day with a note. and they would read it out loud and ask "oh so is your tummy feeling better..has the diarhhoea stopped?" ....need i explain further???

-this is funny had a teacher who came to our form3 class and yelled " open the windows. everytime i come here it just sweat sweat sweat!!!! and its only 10 o'clock in the morning!!!"

-there were teachers who would ask us to bring soap for the class. or steadtler pencils so that they keep for you...and when u go to their houses for tution..guess who's soap you wash your hands with or who's pencils their children are colouring with?!

Saturday, January 15, 2005

fairy tale for the modern babe

Once upon a time,


in a land far away


a beautiful, independent,


self-assured princess


happened upon a frog as she sat,


contemplating ecological issues


on the shores of an unpolluted pond


in a verdant meadow near her castle.


The frog hopped into the princess' lap


and said: Elegant Lady,


I was once a handsome prince,


until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.


One kiss from you, however,


and I will turn back


into the dapper, young prince that I am


and then, my sweet, we can marry


and setup housekeeping in your castle


with my mother,


where you can prepare my meals,


clean my clothes, bear my children,


and forever


feel grateful and happy doing so.


That night,


as the princess dined sumptuously


on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs


seasoned in a white wine


and onion cream sauce,


she chuckled and thought to herself:


I don't f___ing think so!!!

Things that make you go .....HMMMH

-you lend money to someone who desparately insists(with a few tears in their eyes) that you will have it back the following week....and just like u suspected...they have darn disappared on you!!!!!

the poignant lesson:

!thank god they will never ask u for money again
!u think that was money well spent to lose that kind of friend

-u realise u didn't put on any deodorant in the morning...u just showered and put on some clean clothes and dashed off to work....its gonna be a long day today!!!!!

-eatin in the dark and u realise that that piece of chicken ur gobblin at is quite rare...and it tasted so darn good...u just proceed to finish it

-having ur zip undone and there you are in town thinkin u all that and the sunday paper!!!

-when u log onto yahoo messenger or msn for that matter....and u see ur friend is online and just before u open up a window u see they have just logged off. what's with that?!?!?!?

-when people ask or tell you that you have disappeared and its you who has either called them or written first???

-you go out with friends for a meal or somethin and when the bill comes they look at you....

-people who visit you after they have just come from their own homes and go straight to your loo....and they live next door????

-weaves...more hair weaves -how many poor cold bald horses shall be subjected to torture in the name of looking good!!?!?

The art of flashing

now so many of u out there act all mad when someone flashes you on their cell phone.
now most kenyans are plain cheap!!!-so get that out of the one wants to spend money on you...and i on the other hand dont want u spending your cash on me

personally i will never flash u to tell u to call me unless we are on some pre-arranged agreement that when i flash call me back-perhaps using the office phone...but never so that u can use your credit on me...

so after all that has been said why flash?????? means just hey! and all u have to do is flash back and i'll know u sayin hey right back at me!!!!
2.i could be checkin if ur phone is on so that i can sms you
3.its late at night and i just wanna bug someone by waking them up
4.where's my reply fool!!!! yes i sms'd u asking you somethin so i wanna know where's my sms and what the reply is
5.we had agreed we meet somewhere and a flash means am here nigga where u at?!
6.means i have no credit to reply or call you but i've got your message loud and clear!!!
7.ok i wanna see if you will call back (giggle)

the cat-the real bitch

am not a pet person especially with my allergies-but i do admire these feline creatures. they epitomise gist and almost lady like qualities...most cats behave like girls i know...and instead of calling chicks bitches i suggest an alternative "cats!!!"

now why would i call such a sweet creature a bitch?!am not gonna get into the definitions of a bitch but seriously there is somethin that u cant quite put your finger on when it comes to those cute lil balls of purring fur!!!!!!

-i mean look at her seating there knowin she's cute and then some
-the embodiment of stealth. they can leap thru great heights with ease and not look it was a piece of fact if they were not lazy they could probably fly...
-always look cool calm and collected...not even frazzled by the neighbourhood bulldog who happens to scare them off their well groomed fur!
-cats pretend not to want attention or affection yet they crave it
-they are so diva/lady like
-she doesnt like gettin dirty and dare u stroke her she'll start lickin to clean herself-like u were some flea infected,mice-eating trash or something
-the really spoilt ones don't drink water only skimmed milk!
-or only eat meat alone-preferrably canned,oh and if its sea food now we're talking...none of that local butchery stuff...
-oh and if they are really hungry they could still decide not to touch their food.sniff and ignore it
-cats swagger majestically waggin their tails from here to there tryin to turn u on
-could spend the whole day rolled into a ball purring...and it doesnt matter if they are on the stair case they shall not move for you. to hell with u! either u trip, fall or roll down they aint movin shit!
-but when they need something they will hop skip and jump towards you ...almost smiling...then rub themselves on your legs purring and meaw-ing. arching their back....twisting and coiling their time one does that say "come here u lil bitch!"
-u could be strokin them and when they have had enough they just leave u high and dry
-or scratch u for the sake of it then come a-purring later on
-they hiss,tear up furniture, shred up clothes
-just when u thought u had them trained-you discover they got you trained!!!

all in all they are sexy feminine creatures.and am talking about those fat female cats.male cats akina tom and sylvester are another story all together-they need help. but if u wanna see more of the bitchy stereotype of cats watch:

-homeward bound and its sequel homeward bound:lost in san francisco
-stuart little
-cats and dogs

still in response

1. my other half: she posted this funny comment on my article "food poisonin" that i just have to share

"3) still waters run have diayoed mpaka you think you have diayoed all your pancreatic fluid, yaani you can swear the last fluid you diayoed was from your salivary glands and tear ducts .you are Dehydrated you are DRY!!!! You decide things are now sawa and eat a small snack
Lord God!!! Daiyo revolution; diayo reloaded; return of the diayo; diayo the avenger; diayo part two

now you are even diayoing the oil in your scalp

worst part is, after all that...YOU STILL DON'T LOSE WEIGHT!!! Life's a bitch!!!!"

2.Daud the rude and his oh so tired label!! screw u and ur trademark. i like it though but u in my turf so tough love-and we know thats the kinda lovin u like

3.KK-total babe! why u wanna hate on me like that babe?

4.yes i know i forgot other hollywood couples like tom hanks and john travolta. oh cruise and kidmn callin it quits.....but right now who cares anymore...brad and jen have let us down

5. oh and dont u believe the other half...i do not have any homicidal tendancies (nt yet anyway!) am not tired of life just of people expecting too much from me...and she is a dentist as well

Monday, January 10, 2005

Pet Peeves

many a times i always mention what i like but have never shared my dislikes or things i fear...or peoples idiosyncrancies that irritate the dandruff out of me

-Roaches:DAMN! S@#$!!!!! have u ever seen them big ugly things that almost look like baby feet with the speed of lightenin...then they open up their wings....(Nick scurries out of the room shrieking)

-punctuality: i hate people that cannot keep time.Whats with that??? no one on this planet has a sense of time...keepin everyone waitin and then acting like its all cool!!! like ur overearcting like a punk ass!!!!
with my new motto-keep me waitin and we shall see who will do the waiting. maximum time am gonna be waitin for people is 15 minutes...then i bounce(and u know am chubby i can bounce!!!!)

-whats with people who squeeze toothpastes from the middle!!!!

-housemates who prantz about in their underwear shaking their bumb bumb like the pumpin action of the heart depended on it!!!!!(by now u should figure i have a male housemate!)

-people who didnt not go to the school of gossip. We all gossip that's a fact...but the trick about proper gossiping is never quoting the source and i think thats why guys gossip better than chicks. guys will always use this line "hey i heard...." chicks on the other hand "hey guess what i heard from so and so ...."

-body odour and halitosis!! i do a lot of travellin and i've seen plenty of mouths. how someone can neglect themselves....damn!!(pardon me while i spit!)

.body odour is not the same as pheromones!!!!!
.deodorant actually works give it a try.
.toothbrush+paste+a few minutes!!!

-people who spit on ur path! i have no objections to spittin...but there are those who seem to have patiently waited for u to get close and finaly- phwat-splash!!!!

-prank calls...then again i love makin them

-rude customer care service. for heavens sake if u cant be polite what else can u be...assuming already ur not qualified to get a better paying job

-people who jump lines in a queue: so help me someone catches me in one of this "Suck on this" days!!!!!

-people who expect u do jump thru loops last minute! no adequate alowance and ur expected to change ur plans just like that?!?!?

-people who are Mr "Know it ALL!!!!" am sure you know them -jacks of all trades masters of none!!!!

-almost like above;people who seem to have a solution to everything or offer unsolicited advice

-people who leave meat unattended on their plates?!?!?! leave rice some potatoes but never leave meat!!!

-chicken-how dare u not crunch them bones and chew off the cartilage!!!!!

Height Of Jist!!!

-a condom wit a zip
-suckin nipples through a straw

Paradigm of celeb disappointments

am not the mushy mushy kinda guy-but damn it this was a match made in heaven.(i mean look at them!)i couldnt have been more happier when the 2 got hitched and weren't they still in love even upto the release of oceans 12.

honestly where's the love??? goddamn it. if i ever got hitched to aniston...i'd never let go(titanic style) babies or no babies-whatever the reason!!!

so once again my list expands- couples who disappointed me thoroughly-liek i was some kind of disappointed family member

1.Bruce Willis and Demi Moore(am still in denial)
2.Dennis Quaid and Meg Ryan (oh that diabetically sweet thing)
3.Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger
4.Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford-heck i'd marry her mole alone!!!!
5.Andre aggasi and Brooke shields

so now who else do we have left

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett
Arnie and Maria Shriver
Kurt Russel and Goldie Hawn(or are they having probs as well????????)

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Daud the Rude!!!!

where do i start and how do i end.

1.negro!!!! for starters- its a good thing u chose my blog to make ur big breakthru u know i gots me some readers
2.For those not knowin this Daud the Rude is one David W in USA.a renegade kenyan. if u thought soray was an outlaw torn..David is an outlaw messed up in every possible screwed up way.
3.daud the rude-we embrace u-hey we never disown our own. get urself ur own blog and stop hating on mine!!!!! how do we fix you up "the rude" how do u help one who is way way way out of reach for help!!!! for that cha baba cha mama...that was funny!!!!
6.nothing wrong with regressing...u can only move forward if u know where u come from!
7.talkin of me stealin soray's lines....didnt a certain someone plagerise MR T's "i pity the fool!!!"

now that i know how to post photos!!!

in response to all your comments

1.Kiss command or promise...was it a typo? foo!!! but we used to just pronounce it kiss commander promise...i still play it with my niece so i know what am talkin about..1

2.paa....oh yes!!! i remember and it would hurt like 1000hells if someone won your colouredy's. there were traffic signs paa. football player paa's

3.there was a game guys would play with bottle tops and u flick like 3 times and see who goes farthest

4.soray u know u was the national champion in hop-skotch!!

5.suck on this trademark: heh ebu get in touch with that ka-fly lawyer and see what u can do about it cause i just darn stole ur line!!!!! :-) utado!!! but u know lunch still on me 1/2kg of fries and sausages and fanta half litre

6.welcome kui and bee...hope i keep u reading!!!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

childhood games

Childhood Games:

Do u remember?

-laying goosey eggs in hide and seek
-the rendezvous of the tip of your moccasin shoe with someone’s butt a.k.a “Bendings”
-chobo mob? Chobo ngoto?
- playing nyabs? Or bano? With terminologies like: sugary’s, bombies, oily’s, spidery’s, steeley’s
Behind the pill
crackings no payings?
(Water always tasted so nice after a game of bano. U’d rinse inadequately and drink away.
During the term of bano’s many a pockets would get torn cause of the marbles)

-shake? Double line free pass
-British bulldog (I was a pros in this one! Sure the chubby one could not run but I could sure pull down people’s P.E shorts and waddle on to safe zone!)
-“hicho!” or “Hee” the same as tag
-hee of the feet
-cops and robbers
-doctor doctor: a group of like 5-10 kids hold hands then u all intertwine and loop away. And u call the doctor to come and unfold y’all
-Remote control games
-going to sarit centre or yaya to the entertainment arcade. Or pop-in or Nairobi sports house …games like shinobi, mortal kombat kicked ass!!!
-game and watch-akina donkey kong!
-ken and Barbie…Kati/bladder for the girls that is!!!!!!
From a ball made of sisal rope and papers.
Or from many paper packets of juice- I was so sporty then what ever happened???
-flicking each other with the school tie. For added leverage u’d add water and mud at the end
-riding car tires with fence posts. Oh and for that extra smooth ride a bit of water inside the tire would do the trick
-table tennis
-board games and card games
-broken telephone
-Dancing chairs-or what’s its name??? U all go round chairs till y’all sit down
-magic: at one point we were all magicians-heck I know a few of you who were kiini macho fans!
-bic pen. metal wire. Orange peels-shoot to kill
-paper planes
-kiss commander promise
-G.I Joe action figure
-toy guns(I still got me one)

oh the joy of childhood. The innocence….



That’s my current motto at the moment!! I’ve been chanting it like I was some cotton-pickin-nigga in some plantation; and it was my salvation and redemption song!!!

So what brought on this change in attitude…a conversation I had with a pal of mine(soray) brought this on.??? actions, deeds, expectations in apparent societal norms from so-called friends and relatives that culminates into a mixture of emotions… that quite frankly am fed up off!!!

So in the spirit of “head of state” u can either chant the responsorial motto “suck on this “ or “that aint right!”

-are u tired of being used? An email, sms or phone call just when someone needs something(and I aint talking of bootie call)
the society has become one of get in touch when u want or need…

-are u tired of being taken for granted?

-tired of being unappreciated?

-tired of ingrates! Ungrateful swines…whose sole objective is to use u till u bleed.
How much are u supposed to be expected to give??? How much is enough???

-tired of bending over backwards to please other people.

-tired of sparing people’s feelings? Giving people first priority when it comes to their feelings?

-tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt! Never think that it could be them that are mistreating or misusing you….

-tired of people with whom its always me me me me…..

Hey if you wanna share similar experiences please feel free…


A-Maize-ing Drops Synopsis

I am sure y’all are wondering what’s wit the play? For starters it’s a true nicholasgichu work of art…inspired back in 2003. Initially I wrote it with the sole intention of making it a radio play. Where by, every day something new would be presented bout jack and emma.

It took me almost a year to complete it. The style would include flashforwarding and going back in time. That is, each play would never be in the same time frame as the one preceding it…but there would be continuity in storyline.

For instance..the next play is “Jack and Emma’s First date” and the third play is “Car ride to their honey-moon suite”

So if you like the first play I shall post the other two printed works…and if any of you know any connections in Radio…lets do this!!!!

Oh and A-maize-ing drops is a bit graphic but the other plays are mild..but with the same sense of irreverent humor that only I major in…so enjoy

Nicholas Gichu.

*reason that its familiar soray is cause i emailed it to u foo....

Monday, January 03, 2005


Restaurant set up. A well dressed lady seated opposite a gentleman. They have just had on of those lunches where, they devoured their food while working. Each engrossed with their own paper work. They hurriedly scribble over short notes across each of there pages as if making last minute corrections. Each with stacks of papers they shuffle through, occasionally asking each other for confirmation on certain figures….His name is Jack, hers is Emma. So far no conversation s have been exchanged. Time is not just a weekly publication in this case. They have deadlines, time is of the essence.

Emma, quite agitated about her paperwork stares into space, stares at nearby customers, then fixes her gaze at Jack. Coincidentally, Jack is already staring at her. Suddenly she notices some slight fluid dangling from Jack’s nose. She debates whether to inform him, but hesitates, as it is, he was also scrutinising her like she had something dangling from her own nose. She passes a smile, and very artfully passes her hand over her nares. Nothing. She rests assured that nothing that embarrassing was on her nose. With that action she hopes Jack gets the drift and would, hopefully, handkerchief in hand do justice to himself.

But this is not the case. He continues working. She is speechless. Jack, on the other hand is considering telling Emma of the husk of maize embedded in between her upper front tooth and gum. He looks over at her, finds her looking at him. Instinctively, he smiles at her, she hesitates, and finally smiles back. Revealing all.

Each unaware of each others social misnomers. Each too polite to warn each other….. They each stare at each other and smile….

Some conversation occurs in their minds…the rest in real time and space...

Jack: Oh my God, is that a whole husk or just a piece…for crying out loud I can barely see the tooth.
Emma: Oh my God, is he like gonna wipe it!!! Or should I point suddenly at the someone hoping that he abruptly turns his head…and with that swift motion the liquid would fly off at a tangent and land unfortunately on some unsuspecting stranger (but at least a stranger with a dry nose) Here goes nothing…

Emma: Hey Jack look!!!!
(And just as she anticipated, he rapidly turns his head)
Jack: What?
Emma: Oh nothing!Thought I saw Christine. It’s Ok, lets just finish our work.

Emma: Great not only did the plan not work but now the drop is heavier. So much for the law of gravity! Physics was not my strong subject
Jack: She thought she saw Christine?!?! I was hoping it was a mirror she saw. Isn’t that husk cutting her lip?
Emma: isn’t he feeling ticklish?
Jack: isn’t she feeling ticklish?
Emma: oh great, its oscillating with his breathing. Oh gosh! I can’t help smiling.
Jack: oh great, she is smiling. I could swear that piece of vegetable has its own source of light. Is that bean I see as well????
Emma: I could pick some of his papers and flick it.
Jack: I could engage her in a toothpick-sword fight and aim for the tooth. One for all, all for one, God for us all…let me hint to her and pick up my serviette.
Emma: FINALLY!!!! He sees the light or is it feels the moistness???? The weight of the drop????
Jack: I will slowly wipe my lips, display my teeth, then wipe my lips again. Here goes nothing.
Emma: That’s right! Wipe your lips….. then work your way round to the nose…. Ok. …Yes…. Lips wiped. What are you showing me your teeth for?!!! Idiot!! Oh, now you’re wiping again.., there that’s more like it….. aim for the nose. Go higher, north! North! North….wait a minute that’s not north….wait, give it one last shot….soak it up, damn it soak it up!!
Jack: I give up. Subtlelty is not her middle name. Heck if she had a middle name it would be covered up anyway!!! I tried. Or has the husk grown roots? Is it a part of her???
Emma: Now the drop seems to be reaching out to touch the next nostril. Okay, I may be over-exaggerating but this drop could make it in the circus as some star-performing trapeze artist. It is so daring!! Even without a net it just hangs there. Dangling! I think the drop is alive.
Jack: wait a minute didn’t she used to have a gap in between her upper teeth?!! A-maize-ing dentist!!

(they are both exasperated!!!! Each sigh aloud!!!!)

Emma: why is he looking at me like that? Its not like am the one with the drop bungee jumping from my nose. But I have to tell you those bungee cords are as secure as hell.
Jack: Knock knock-there is someone at the lip!!!
Emma: (singing) Nose-drops keep falling from my head…..
Jack: is that husk blending in with its background?
Emma: (still singing)…and drops of Jupiter in his head…hey hey hey….
Jack: she seems lost in her own world. Content with life.
Emma: I Give up what do I tell him?

Jack: Emma, I’ve got to tell u something?
Emma: Yup, what is it? Tired of all these last minute preparations?
Jack: Uh Huh! That too. But its…
Emma: I know, you would think we had done enough preparations..but stuff keeps turning up.
Jack: Yeah! But…
Emma: Just hung on, we’re almost through.
Jack: Ah…Ok! I’ll …I’ll hung on

Jack: Yeah hung on like that piece of vegetable. It’s like the titanic promise ‘i’ll hold on and never let go!’
Emma: (singing) …who let the drop out…who? Who? Who? Who?.
Jack: Is she afraid that by pulling it she might strip out most of her upper gum? How far up is that thing.
Emma: (Singin) Pop goes the weasel….
Jack: Am I totally missing the point or is this like the latest fad after diamond studs. It could be the natural motif look. Very pro-vegetarian! Very cheap too. Perhaps even nutririous with minerals being absorbed by the blood stream at a slow optimum rate!
Emma: I have to tell him something. I mean look at this poor man. So oblivious. So handsome and debonair….NOT!!!!!!!!!
Jack: Hey what kinda guy would let a beauty like this make a fool of herself. She is so cuuuute!!! And that’s with a q and two t’s…

Jack: Hey I have got to tell you something!
Emma: Me too…I am sorry had not said anything…
Jack: (interrupting) no let me go first…
Emma: (determined) No but…
Jack: uh uh me first…(stammers a bit, inhales deeply…)

Emma: Damn it he has inhaled it in after all this time! (singing) he can breath clearly now the drop is gone…
Jack: Here goes nothing!

Jack: you have something stuck in between your front teeth!!! Am sorry shoulda told u sooner!!!!

Emma: Oh no he didn’t!!! God damn it. Damn! Damn! Damn! I am so embarrassed. (she fiddles with a toothpick) Damn is this a husk or a leaf. What am I numb or something, I could wrap a kilo of tobacco in this piece and smoke it for a week!!! Heee Haaaaw!! Never mind. Remain composed! You still have your dignity Emma! And to think I didn’t tell him about his little wet moment. Damn it. We’ve both made asses of ourselves except he has nothing to show and am all here leafy,husky. Look at him pretending not to be disturbed Mr fluid!!
Jack: She seems to be taking this well. Don’t know what I was worried about.

Jack: (laughing) you sure ate that maize with a passion. Are you okay? Are you bleeding?
Emma: Very funny. And you damn well know it was baby corn!
Jack: You know how fast kids grow these days. Close your eyes and they full grown. One minute baby corn the next a full maize plantation!!!

Emma: Son of a… Ng’ombe wewe!!!
Jack: I love the twinkle in her eye. Hey even the sparkle is back on her smile. Guess it wasn’t the new look after all. But at least she looks good as new.
Emma: What a bastard!! Snot nosed, sniffling and dripping fool!!! I should try make him laugh so that the drop which am sure is hibernating up there can come alive!!! It will be the nose-drop returns:episode 2. Am not going down like this, his pride must be bruised, tarnished. He should not have any dignity by the time am through with him. His downfall will be my victory. Yes am evil and I shall destroy him (laughs out loud in a demonic manner)

Jack: We better rush…
Emma: Yes we have. At the rate we’re going there shall be no wedding next month! All these arrangements. Who would have thought pone goes through all of this. So much for me just turning up in white and saying “I,do!”
Jack: Did you say white?
Emma: Don’t go there!!!
Jack: But hope you’re not having second thoughts about us getting married so soon!
Emma: Never
Jack: Cool. Let me go pay the bill while you clear up the papers. Meet you outside right?

Emma: Hmmh!!! The battle is over but the war has just begun. Troy will be mine! Immortality is mine. Vengeance is mine. Oh shut up!! Who am I kidding-I love him to death. Through thick and thin, wet and dry! Him and his bloody allergies!!!!

of movies....previews and reviews

oceans twelve

hmmh.a bit disappointin like most sequels. but it was a great trip and any ensemble of an all star cast will always do the trick. question is-where the hell was bernie mac???that was the most disappointing thing of all-especiallly since he's a bigger star now than before

the whole julia roberts acting as tess acting as julia roberts was just the bomb.
verdict if u watched oceans 11 watch this one!

Shall we dance
-feel good movie
-loved sarandon teamin up with gere
-havent seen a movie wit such killer lines e.g

rumba is a vertical expression of a horizontal wish

most men live a quiet life of desparation, sometimes the desparation can't be quiet

you have o hold her liek the skin on her thigh is your're only reason for living!

The Pianist

oh yes this is a movie i surely missed out on until i watched it. Now i know what all that oscar rumbling was all about!damn it this was definitely better than the so called "HERO" i here fools ranting on about

Salvador, Nixon

all i can say liver stone still remains my best director. GODDAMN watch it to believe what movies should be

in previews

1.batman episode 1-actually i hate the whole sequel turned prequel shizzle...but the preview dont look that bad damn it

2.Constantine- keanu reeves in a matrix/devils advcate/blade kinda movie ...honestly this preview makes me wanna queue up for the movie already

3.Hitch- Will Smith in a very hilarious comedy. he a matchmaker, a love connecting-know it all-who fixes people up but cant fix himself up....a must see!