Sunday, June 18, 2006

A night via K-street!

Nick had actually gone on retirement and as Bankelele was saying living off my pension. Seriously, only Tato was remaining,. I am going through some stuff right now, and my blogging addiction has been affected…but so help you Shiroh I am not undergoing Blogging Atrophy or Blogal Menopause or Blog Impotence.LMAO…Shiroh has in lack of a better word, begged me for a beat down…she has served me papers summoning me to SORT HER out fair and square….NGOJA tu…As Saitoti would say…WATCH MY STEPS! There come a time!

So my dear old pal S! and Aco tagged me some time back…manze you guys don’t know the meaning of Pax. As in I’m not playing! Sijiskii…sijifeel...sitaki...usually that was always a result of it being your “he” or rather u being “IT” all the time and was too fat to chase the other kids so come break time… come lunch time… come home time… come August holidays you always went home being “it!” Not fun I tell you!

Fulfiling a sixth of the tag, here is one weird fact that happened yesterday and may it not be used against me in a court of law. Remember I am Nick the Freak …that rhymes and also fits in with geek!

So my cousin came over to visit. He is uni outside Nbi… he is 25 yrs old and I had mentioned him earlier in an early post and had refered to him as “the idiot!

There we are looking for cheap thrills of amusement…and my definition of cheap is no cash needed...remember I’m the asocial type-kinda like parallel to the norm. As always I get my TATO on we watch Omen at 9 pm (damn it has some scary split second moments-GADDAMN!)

On our way home we decide to pass by K-street. Yes, it happens to be enroute if you take a couple of detours, deviations and roundabouts off your main course! Anyway…usually we always do them driveby’s and giggle with glee…pointing and clapping like seals screaming “ Oui! Oui! oui! oui! oui!” But this time he wanted to stop and ask about the rates. Now it was easy for him to suggest this-it wasn’t his car that would be spotted on those KTN features and he wasn’t the one driving … "he was just sitting there by the passenger’s side trying to holla at them…

I was apprehensive about the whole idea, but I’m always game for a good prank. (Is that what I’m calling it?) We spot one and I coolly, calmly make a slow stop the way I have seen it done in the movies, and you know I've watched plenty. She wasn’t impressed by this so-called act of suave! I stop the car; he rolls down the window and propositions her to come a lil bit closer. She doesn’t take the bait she is seated on those half-posts…probably it’s been a long night for her...she wasn’t budging. (Probably she was numb from the post-who know's. Have you ever tried sitting on those concrete posts and even try look comfy?) All this time I’m pretending I ain’t even in the car…not to mention looking at the rear view mirror, side mirror…sides…windshield…I knew I was getting busted by cops for soliciting on my way to hell! “I’m too pretty to go to hell! Too young to go to jail" ...or is it the other way round?

So there she was all nonchalant, actually a better word is unmoved…evidently she had done this before. “Sema?” she threw back!

Idiot looks at me, I cough, fidget and adjust the rear view mirror, blushing internally, externally and inferiorly.

He mans up and says “How much is it for the whole night?” (What the hell?) Evidently he had done this before. (HA!) She thinks out loud “5 thou!”

We both swallow hard! Obvious we hadn't thought things through! “Ok buh-bye…” is all she must have heard as I drove off like a lil biatch…We were laughing so hard and all of a sudden I stopped getting scared…we devised a tag team way of questioning /harassment so as to avoid future awkward moments. Game plan fixed-we were ready to go, we drove round the likes Moi Avenue, Mama Ngina Street etc etc and had a few revelations of our own.

It’s funny how I had stereotyped them before…but I came to discover that they are on the street simply for the money-to them it’s not a game, it never was. They have self respect-even if you may doubt that! There were things they were not willing to do.

Now, if this was a Ms KMutsaurus squad’d have gotten to know what they were adamant on not doing...the mountains that were too high or the oceans too deep... One said even for a Maissonette she wouldn’t kubali. “She would do anything for cash…but she won’t do that!” It sure was a contradiction…but interesting to know they had boundaries.

All-nighters were ranging from 30000 to the aforementioned 5000. But, most were not willing to “retire early” One shot was going for 500/= and for a 100/= you could take a quick peek at the ‘good girl’ (Don't believe i stole a line from Grey's Anatomy!) I think two guys in a car would scare most chicks...cause they insisted they don’t do threesomes and would suggest calling a friend of theirs. “Ala huyo mwingine ata kuwa wapi?” “Ebu nikuambie…” this one was kind hearted and was schooling us on the tricks of the trade “...hakuna dame ata kubali mmkiwa wawili, itisha tu manzi mwingine kila mtu awe na wake”

Now that is a revelation right there! Hmm. Yaani, if this was a research I had my info right there and then…I’m telling you all that was missing was pen and paper…she was gonna tell us her life story.

Funniest moments:

-my ka-moti has a tint so whenever one would come to the window at the passenger's side they’d keep peeping suspiciously at the back seat to make sure the back seat was empty, losing concentration. Heck in the first few stages I was so well hidden UNDER the chair they’d wonder who the hell was driving!

-Some ghetto ones kept yelling that their one shots are the best. Then when we declined over cash… they were like “ok, basi, tupatie lift mpaka hapo juu tumechoka!” Trying to open the locked back door…Have you ever driven off a parked car starting with gear two???????

-we inadvertently approached the same group of chicks twice. They were hustling a car with foreigh plates, then when it dorve off they came running towards us…when they reached near, they recalled us and they dismissed us! Damn it! Not the other way round! “Hawa wako na upuzi!”

-there was a japanese cutie...who was running helter skelter

-another one had the legs of a roomate of mine "mwangi is that you?"


-there was a lecturer of ours who did a study on something to do with oral sex prevalence among sex workers. She had dressed up as one of them and she had discovered that that is a very sad world…I agree! Most of them don’t like being there yet they are. It’s all about survival the best way how! Which begs the question why on earth would you be doing something you hate doing? Something you think is demeaning?

-some were well mannered and polite. Perhaps their mama raised them right perhaps they were good in PR and Customer Care? What is that line form City High "...what's a girl gonna do when she has a kid at home who's crying all alone and the only way to fed him is to sleep around for a lil bit of money and the daddy's gone...."

-As much as we laugh at them or think they are just plain easy and skanky and nasty…deep down they are lost and I took pity on them. They may act lewd showing off their “supermarket” (yup that’s a new word) but it takes a person of low-self respect/esteem/worth to put themselves out there like that subject to pranksters like us…cops…clients who beat them up and run off without paying ..Diseases…

There was nothing glorifying about what they do! Sure, there is a need or is it demand for their services –but what actually puts them out there on the streets, scantily clad, waiting for something they are dreading to do…defeats me.

-On the other hand it’s not only good to blame the suppliers but the consumers. (You can tell economics is not my forte) Each party is to blame. How on earth you would pick one up is beyond me as well. No excuse can justify it…not "one-night stands bila commitment…not even a dare…not even the devil made me do takes 2 losers to tango in such a pathetic dancefloor.

So if you happen to drive by K-street this weekend…LOL…look out for the light chick in green…kidding…look at them different! Look at the whole scenario different!

Haiya when did this post turn into a post with a message? Anyway, bottom line is that was a cheap thrill we had that proved to have a teaching behind it!