Tuesday, July 18, 2006

While I was away

Yes, I have been away for far too long. Being behind the scenes was interesting. There have been some anonymous commenters out there. Mara they are announcing Guess is in Kenya…others are saying I’m stale and a has-been…others accused KM of being a lady of ill-repute. (I love such terms when one is trying to downplay insults) Others accused Milo that his jokes are running stale as well…well that turned out to be KM after all.

Where possible ADMIN was blamed for everything…and it’s funny how everyone in admin has been so busy with their own personal matters…I actually laughed when Admin was accused somewhere...cammon you guys better find better scapegoats out there. In fact Admin had signed in and commented:LOL!!

While I was away I managed to get me a blog-fan and stalker…actually both. Kaggz and Amkeni Wakenya. Show the some love!

And yesterday I managed to get myself nothing but a COLD/FLU! Shaite! Yaani I’m always the sickling! I think a cold is the only thing that can kill THE DEVIL! May he catch one. Right now I think I could use a nail-gun to shoot knitting needles into my ears for relief from the severe irritation. I’m suffering. Haki I am one unhappy spidey! It's like I have perfected the art of getting sick! Prolly the makings of my next post!

Throat: …if only it was just sore…it’s like it has a new life of its own. It has a pulse of it’s own. It has secretions that on examination don’t look cute. Swallowing is done via molly-coddling and prayers; so stuff goes down with the most ease possible. It feels like a chimney in which Santa had miscalculated and thought he was gonna fit in…and has asked Rudolph to stump on him to help him go down! So there is a bulky Santa squeezing down with Rudolphs antler scratching the sides of the chimney leaving trails on his way down!

Nose: I’m having that kind of runny nose that is annoying…you know it…that has you sniffling back because drops just fall…and there is no time to reach for a handkerchief! Out of nowhere drip drop! So, nearby people look at you in disgust-you present a visual and audio form of disgust! You keep sniffling as soon as you put your handkerchief BACK in the pocket! It’s like you have no idea what it is for!

Wet moments: ever had a situation where your hanky was full to the brim? As in cannot absorb more…cannot wipe more!

REMINDS me of a school play where 2 lead actors both had colds. Ha, I was one of them. Besides the pampering we received behind the stage…on stage we made dripping fools of ourselves and our Hollywood status. I, remember wiping myself with my hand and some wrist since my hanky was wet to the brim. And ended up smearing it more so had to now like kinda use the back of my hand to wipe what wasn’t wiped before…torture on stage! And the other guy used his tiny hanky (the kind you carry in Nursery) and literally picked the dangling drop and returned it into his nose and tilted his head back for the drop to slide back down. YAANI no room at the INN!

Palate: …I know something must be crawling up there (it could be a tapeworm for all I know remember I can’t smell what I’m eating anyway!)…a gun shot may provide relief but I’m afraid the gun-smoke would flare up my allergies. It’s that bad.

Voice: Who cares what I sound like…at the moment better than a husky Ms K…but if you listen carefully Spidey may be whimpering in pain!

Mood Swings: Now I know why chicks pull them. It’s such a plot to just snap back…as in the victim totally doesn’t see it coming. Ask today’s patients…ask today’s “oops I’m not quite numb but I think its ok…good Gawd help me please” patients

But all in all I am subdued!!!

I always say to handle a cold-u must submit yourself as it’s BITCH! Then and only then will it be Gentle. Screw Garlic/ginger mix! Screw Chicken Soup! Screw Fluids and Relaxing…Screw antihistamines and antibiotics to fight the proceeding bacterial superinfection…Screw keeping warm…submit! SUBMIT and you will be spared!!!!

So that is my rant for the day…Anon you can call it substandard…you can call it crap…but the fact that you are reading makes me happy. The fact that you are complaining means you have gotten better and hence your high expectaions from this blog-so your insults are a compliment by themselves.

LOOK out for the latest SLEEZE CREW POST!